4 year old still needs a diaper to poop in

[Anonymous]

This child is normal in every way and his parents already had him checked for low muscle tone and he is perfectly fine. I am the new nanny for him, a toddler and a newborn. The parents never mentioned that he wasn't 100% potty trained when I accepted the position.

He comes home from school every afternoon and demands a pull-up - then refuses to let me change him until the poop is squished and smeared all over his butt. And he screams when I change him anyway and tries to run away from me. Every third day or so he comes home with a poop in his pants which involves laundry and clean up. He refuses to sit on the potty and his parents have told me not to mention the potty to him at all.

I am at a loss as to what to do. I feel this is a situation that I should have been warned about and simply do not have the time to deal with this daily issue with two other small and needy children. And I do not want to continue in this job if the parents feel that such late potty training is the way to go with the other two children.

WWYD?

[Anonymous]

WOW, you do have your hands full.

You do need to have a sit down with the parents and decide on a plan that all can be on board with. It is not that unusual for an four year old to have a challenge with number two, there is often fear and it is an uncomfortable feeling. Another thing as you are new to the family this four year old is overwhelmed with trying to please everyone. There is the stress of a new baby, school and a new nanny, this is allot for a little guy to process. It is true the parents should have been upfront about where the four year old was in potty training development but you also need to know if you are a professional nanny and you sold yourself to the position as such the parents might not have worried about you being able to handle the challenges of their home.

This is your call but if you are that upset then you need to communicate this with the family, the four year old most likely senses your stress and this will not help.

[Anonymous]

I would start by telling the kid it is NOT ok to crap his pants. Too many people are afraid of hurting kids feelings which is nonsense. They need boundaries and telling them it's not socially acceptable not medically necessary to poop his pants isn't going to scar him in any way. You're teaching him the ways of the world. We do this, not that.

Then I would ask the parents why they didn't mention it and what their plan (if any) is for fixing the situation. At what point do they plan to have him completely trained? Are they going to wait for him to figure it out on his own (hint: he's not going to.)

Then I would offer some kind of reward/sticker chart/treat, SOMETHING to motivate him. And I would also have him start cleaning up any mess that ensues from him pooping his pants on purpose. Don't make this easy or fun for him. He makes the mess, he cleans it up (even if you have to go behind him and do it again.)

[Anonymous]

You need to sit down with the parents and decide on a plan top make this situation end. It is not fair to either you or the 4 yr old. And it is something that should have been discussed prior to hiring as it is relatively unusual.

Talk to your employers, OP. I would not be surprised if your charge was behaving badly at changing due to embarrassment. This is something the parents should have resolved many months ago.

[Anonymous]

A 4 yr old who poops in a pull up every day. They should have told you and I would be looking. No excuse for this.