Vent: job creep, do grandparents hate nannies? Boundaries! Long read sorry

[Anonymous]

Hello guys. This is long and more like a short story and I tried to keep short as possible. If you can handle it please read for me and help! Lol thanks in advance!
-stressed nanny

My mb is really like a sm, db is still living in another state until he is able to relocate. Often since I've been with my nf her parents have traveled to town to "help" her out. In the beginning nf were living in a small apt until she could find a house. When we were downtown I often drove in horrible traffic for my charges and was fine because I was more familiar with the area. However the grandmother was staying with them and everytime we had something planned she jumped in the car with us, EVERY TIME. I would even take her to shops if she needed and thought nothing of it if there was time. I was still trying to get my charges acclimated to their move, new surroundings and most of all ME. They acted very different towards me when GM was around and I tried to distance things and have them on my own more. For instance if my boy(3) was playing cars and talking to her I'd suggest that the girl(5) and I go do something alone so we could bond. The grandma would insist on joining us no matter what. I'm talking playing a board game or painting nails etc. Soon they moved to the house. I helped them. Loading my vehicle with things from the apt and driving to another area with my charges and the GM while mb was working. It didn't really bother me seeing as I was excited for the extra space and less traffic. GM stayed in town for another wk. Months passed and GM and GD decided to start driving to town so they would have their own vehicle and not need me to drive them. Initially GD struck me as sort of rude, but maybe just an old man that was stubborn? He'd ask me for directions then cut me off and say nevermind he'd ask others, try to avoid saying good morning, interfere when I was disciplining etc. I brushed it off and would go to another room.

This trip rolled around and they are here 2 weeks. My mb likes to leave an outline of the day that includes any special appts or activities etc. I think she does this more so for herself than for me because we do way more than the things she would "suggest". I noticed she wrote "please empty the dishwasher" down one morning and felt some kind of way about it. I've never needed to be asked or reminded of this or laundry day etc. When I was hired the only housekeeping I agreed to were kid related chores. Of course I do other things all of the time just because I find it silly to nit pick so if her socks or shirts get mixed in with laundry I fold them and place on her bed, or if there are clean dishes I put them away if time permits and think nothing of it. I like a clean space and if there are dishes in my way I will rinse & load them. There is never a lot because she doesn't cook and it's only her and the kids. I got a bit offended that she specifically asked me to do this though. She has also never said thank you for me doing unrelated chores.

This same morning the GM was making meals for the family later. I was sticking to my usual routine of starting laundry, packing snacks & getting to the park before the temperature rose. I was looking for a travel cup and opened the dw and saw it & other plastic cups that dont air dry like the glass so I pulled them out and placed them on the drying rack to air dry. Before we walked out she called to me and asked when I would empty it. The dw was full of things she'd used the previous evening when cooking and numerous glasses and plates that she and her husband had been running through. They enjoy their cocktails lol. When I'm there I use the bare minimum, same glass, eat out of my own dishes, hand wash the kids dishes etc, and leave the place the way I found it or neater. I was taken aback that she expected me to put away all of their stuff and drop what I was doing. I told her that if and when I empty the dw it is after lunch when the kids have quiet time and I clean up, and prep dinner or a cooking lesson. I never do it in the a.m. We left.

We returned 3 hrs later and I notice she is still cooking and leaving her dirty dishes on the counters and in the sink because she is avoiding putting away the dishes inside herself even though SHE and HER dh used them. I prepared lunch for my charge and I, we eat. While he finished eating I began folding laundry, because I knew I had to get his sister soon and get her to other activities etc. GM comes over and says "if you don't mind can you come and put the dishes away so I have somewhere to put the dirty ones?" I was appalled! 1, that she would speak to me that way, 2 that she was being so petty and purposely not putting away the mess she made, and 3 that she kept trying to take me away from MY duties. I said "I beg your pardon?". She asks " do you not empty the dw for mb?" I said "that is not my responsibility and I'm only responsible for things related to the kids. I do it when I have extra time in the evening after everything else is done but just because I don't mind and mb doesn't use a lot". Her response? "Wow". lol I was livid.

Why in the world would this lady think I should put away her cooking utensils and numerous wine glasses and plates that they like to run through? This has nothing to do with my position. I tutor my kids, do elaborate crafts and art projects, organize play dates, take them to museums, play sports etc. this is what I'm paid to do. I give them 100% while they are around & I'm "on" I'm a teaching nanny not housekeeping nanny. Later while at gymnastics I tapped out an email (we communicate this way often during the day) to my mb politely explaining the situation and other things they'd been doing (criticizing meals, standing over me while I'm doing site words waiting to interject, suggesting what book I should read) and told her that if I couldn't perform my job with a certain level of anonymity while they are visiting I would need to not be there meaning taking more outings or being off. I reminded her of my priorities and what my contract says are my responsibilities. She called me worried I was about to quit and told me that her parents do this to everyone and try to kindly ignore them and she would speak to her mom. Since, the tension has been extremely thick and GM says things like "whatever nanny says goes" or "ask nanny, she's in charge..." It's a bit snarky.

What should I do, I have another week of them being here. Did I handle this right? I didn't want to hold it in and get resentful. Like I said I don't mind doing extra around because I have a great mb but being told (when I probably would've done it anyway just because) crossed the line.

[Anonymous]

Just breathe and get through the week. If I were you I would defuse Granny when she says something like "the nanny is always right" with a big smile and jokingly agree.

[Anonymous]

Haha thanks 12:20 I think this is perfect. I just don't want to add to the childishness but I may have no choice lol

[Anonymous]

Op here guess I'm also worried if I laid the foundation for this by being too accommodating in the beginning with the grandma

[Anonymous]

Yes, you handled it right.
Grandparents can be a handful.
I'm proud of you for standing up for yourself.
And it's good to hear that your MB backed you up.
You are a great nanny!!
Hang in there. It's only one more week.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Yes, you handled it right.
Grandparents can be a handful.
I'm proud of you for standing up for yourself.
And it's good to hear that your MB backed you up.
You are a great nanny!!
Hang in there. It's only one more week.

Whew! Thank you! My tummy has been in knots all weekend dreading them & worrying if I opened the wrong can of worms or was a bitch.

[Anonymous]

This was quite a funny read. Imaging the grandmother drinking martinis and making messes in the kitchen while nagging the nanny like she's a housekeeper!

[Anonymous]

You handled it right. You did well by addressing it as well instead of letting it fester. Perhaps they'll rethink these multiple week visits since they no longer have a housekeeper to clean up after them, lol. In any case they know now how to treat you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You handled it right. You did well by addressing it as well instead of letting it fester. Perhaps they'll rethink these multiple week visits since they no longer have a housekeeper to clean up after them, lol. In any case they know now how to treat you.

Thank you! I appreciate the responses because I was worried my mb may think I'm too sensitive or something lol.

To the amused poster, this is nothing. The family is quite something else. Mbs brother was in town and literally followed me around the house trying to see what hot spots he could visit. Told me he really wanted to find some good fried chicken (I'm African American) naturally I had to give him a major side eye for that one. Mb called to say I could leave early. Her brother was cooking dinner & he wanted me to stay and share a bottle of wine with him! I feel like I'm on a sitcom most of the time. I kept all of this to myself lol

[Anonymous]

Op here the brothers trip was a different occasion. And we are in Atlanta, he's from ny

[Anonymous]

Grandparents are the worst. They want to make sure their children get their money's worth with you. I'm a live in nanny who a few years back worked mon- fri. Well when grandma visited at 6 am on a Saturday she knocked on my bedroom door and told me to make coffee. I don't even know how to make coffee. Then a few hours late she said miss larla please unload the dishwasher and start breakfast as I was walking out of the house. Um it's Saturday and I'm not working, so frustrating.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Grandparents are the worst. They want to make sure their children get their money's worth with you. I'm a live in nanny who a few years back worked mon- fri. Well when grandma visited at 6 am on a Saturday she knocked on my bedroom door and told me to make coffee. I don't even know how to make coffee. Then a few hours late she said miss larla please unload the dishwasher and start breakfast as I was walking out of the house. Um it's Saturday and I'm not working, so frustrating.

Oh I absolutely couldn't handle being a live in with these GPs. Mb told me that the long trips are because they are looking for a house in the state to relocate. She said it will be different then because they won't be around when she's not there. So I am looking forward to that lol. Apparently their former nanny didn't see them much.

Thanks for commiserating with me! Lol

[Anonymous]

Ugh, grandparents can be the worst! I've had some of the nicest ones but also this sort of nightmare ones. If they're not influencing your MB and DB's judgement of you, just grin and bear it. Sounds like you handled it well, too. Try and do more outings for the rest of the week and try not to let her get to you.