Written vs. verbal instructions

[Anonymous]

Nanny has been with us for several months and overall I'm very pleased with her, and she fits in well with our family. Lately, she's been slacking a little on things like cleaning up the play room, and some minor other issues.

My husband thinks I should get a big chalkboard with a daily checklist of things she needs to do. I feel like that's demeaning, and that I just need to say to her directly, please make sure the playroom is clean before you leave for the day.

I want to be careful because I'm a WAHM, and I know nannies don't prefer that situation usually. So I feel like I want to really minimize the amount of "correcting" that I do.

Any insight into handling this would be appreciated.

[Anonymous]

Talk to her like an adult. I wouldn't take too kindly to being given a chalkboard to-do list. That is something you give to a child to keep them on task.
Do you have reason to believe that she won't respond to what you say?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Talk to her like an adult. I wouldn't take too kindly to being given a chalkboard to-do list. That is something you give to a child to keep them on task.
Do you have reason to believe that she won't respond to what you say?

No reason to think she wouldn't respond. Frankly, I am just a crappy manager, at home and at work... I'm a people pleaser, don't like conflict, and have a hard time asking for what I want. I wish that weren't the case and I'm trying to get better. I think she just works really hard and does a great job with my kid, and it feels petty to complain when I have it pretty good.

[Anonymous]

Ask for a sit-down when kids aren't around (during naptime is fine if you WAH). Be up front. "We really love you and DC does as well and we are so pleased with how you XY and Z. That said, I've noticed that some of the chore-type duties we included in the contract don't seem to be getting done. Can we talk about that? Has something changed that's making those more of a challenge?"

Maybe she will respond with something valid "Well, since we started potty training, I've been spending more time on laundry and cleaning floors, so I don't always get all the toys cleared up." In which case tou can brainstorm together (e.g., why don't we move some toys to the attic until potty training is done so messes are smaller).

Maybe she will be annoyed and offended. This is a red flag.

Maybe she will be embarassed and apologetic, in which case, reiterated that you are overall pleased with her and express faith that she can figure this out.

[Anonymous]

The "To Do" list on a calk board is a HORRIBLE IDEA. Simply remind her of tasks she needs to accomplish. She may have legitimate reasons why they can't be done or she may have simply forgotten.

[Anonymous]

"Hey Laura. I can tell you work really hard, and you're doing a great job. Dan and I would appreciate though, if you would help the kids clean up the playroom towards the end of each day. We know the bulk of the cleaning will fall to you because of how little they are, but maybe at 4:45 you and the kids could start putting things away so by 5 it's all organized. Thank you so much for all you're doing - it really cuts down on the chaos."

[Anonymous]

How old is your kid?

[Anonymous]

I agree, it may be demeaning if you draw up a list of things you want your nanny to accomplish during the day.

It would make things much easier for both of you, but your nanny may see it as micro-managing and have disdain for it altogether.

I would just remind her in a friendly tone that before she leaves for the day if she can just make sure the play area is picked up first.

It shouldn't take her more than say...five to ten minutes to do so.

[Anonymous]

Another important thing to consider is - are you and your husband keeping the play area neat and tidy after you play in the evenings and over the weekend. Because your nanny may feel like if you don't make it your priority, she won't either. I know if I left a clean playroom on Friday evening and came back to it trashed Monday morning, I wouldn't put a whole lot of effort into picking it up again.

[Anonymous]

How is her English comprehension skills? Maybe she would have trouble with a written list.

[Anonymous]

Personally, I'm a list maker so having a list wouldn't bother me, in fact it would help me to remember what I agreed to do and it helps prevent job creep. That said, I put less effort into picking up toys when I come in to toys everywhere after leaving it clean the night before. I also don't like to pick up when the kids are actively playing with things too. If they have the Legos or blocks or trains out and maybe they're not playing with them right that second but have been off and on thru the day then I won't necessarily feel the need to put them away.

Just figure out what you want (every toy picked up every day or can they leave stuff out they're working on etc) and let her know you preference. Just make sure the room isn't trashed when she arrives in the morning. Nothing is worse than a hypocrite.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Talk to her like an adult. I wouldn't take too kindly to being given a chalkboard to-do list. That is something you give to a child to keep them on task.
Do you have reason to believe that she won't respond to what you say?

No reason to think she wouldn't respond. Frankly, I am just a crappy manager, at home and at work... I'm a people pleaser, don't like conflict, and have a hard time asking for what I want. I wish that weren't the case and I'm trying to get better. I think she just works really hard and does a great job with my kid, and it feels petty to complain when I have it pretty good.

I am the same way, and I have reframed my thinking about this. The thing is that she is probably going to lose her job if she doesn't start doing some more of her duties around the house (picking up the playroom and such). And you want her to keep her job because you like her and she is good with your son. So you need to do whatever you have to do to get her up to par so she doesn't get fired.

I personally would write out a list. I wouldn't put it on a chalkboard, but maybe make a three ring binder with notepaper for her to write what happened that day, and put a list of daily/weekly tasks in the front of it. Have a conversation about it with her when you give it to her so that she understands. That way your expectations are clear, and it prevents having to have this conversation again a month from now.

[Anonymous]

Your DH sounds like a micromanaging jerk. Maybe you have too much that you expect her to do.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Your DH sounds like a micromanaging jerk. Maybe you have too much that you expect her to do.

I think my husband is pretty awesome, but it's true I've never been his employee. I think he's just trying to be helpful and came up with a misguided suggestion.

Anyway, we don't ask the nanny to do any chores at all. No cooking, laundry etc. Just keeping things tidy. Not that looking after our kiddo isn't "too much" on some days!