Need advice from experienced HMs

[Anonymous]

Do most families provide a cell phone for AP? If so, what's normally done about charges for international calls, large data usage, etc.?
Would it be weird to tell a female AP that she can't have any male guests? Or is that kind of a common rule?

[Anonymous]

We provide a cell phone. I explicitly say that I expect no extra charges unless in case of emergency. Last thing I want is to calculate extra charges on my phone bill every month. We had one AP who texted her visiting European friends and went into overages almost every month. I am now explicitly clear now that unless it's critical communication, I don't want to see overages on my phone bill. With viber to whatsapp, there is really no reason for AP to jack up overages on my phone.

I state in our guide book that there are no 'romantic sleepovers' in our home. We used to say no male guests sleeping over until we had a gay female AP. I now describe it in more generic terms. I personally don't care who AP chooses to sleep with. I just think that it's not appropriate in our small home (if I had a big home and totally separate suite, I may think differently), and that's not something I am ready to discuss with my children.

[Anonymous]

I agree with 22:19.

Many / most families seem to be providing their AP with a cell phone but you will have to explain to your AP what you are willing to cover or what is covered. Unless you get a return AP or one that is extending they will not be familiar with US phone contracts and / or cost.
You do not necessarily need to provide a cell phone but if you want to be able to reach her while she is working you should. In that case you could limit it to "work" use or ask AP to be responsible for overages if they are due to private use.

I would also go for the "no romatic sleepovers", not only due to the possibility of a gay female AP but also because AP's brother / father / cousin might want to visit. Of course unless you don't allow visitors in general. Or you don't agree with any male visitors, not even during the day (which might be a problem if you had male APs in the cluster that AP might want to hang out with).
My HF had a "no male friends in bedroom behind a closed door" rule. Male guests were welcome in common areas and to spend the night in the guest room on the 1st floor (with AP room being on the 2nd floor) while female friends were expected to share the AP room for overnight stays. AP1 used to spent the nights at her boyfriend's place, which wasn't a problem (after the family had met him). He also visited during the day or for dinner and the kids knew him as AP1's boyfriend. The boys loved having young male guests in the house to do "boy stuff" with and got a lot more one-on-one attention with male friends (romantic or not) around.

[Anonymous]

We have a family plan for our phones, so our AP has an iPhone 5. If nothing else, I want her to be able to contact me by phone or text at any time. It's also critical for our family calendar as we all put appointments on there, GPS, camera for taking pictures of the kids. I have set up a linked family account on iTunes so she can download whatever apps I've already downloaded/paid for. We could not function as efficiently if she didn't have the smartphone, so I see it as a tool of the job, not primarily a benefit to her.

I have set up a generic au pair email address -- [e-mail] -- so that the recurring calendar events I've scheduled won't disappear when she leaves. I also use the share contact feature to set up all the contacts (schools, doctors, camps, friends, etc.). So the phone transfers to the new au pair and I don't have to set up everything all over again (been there, done that).

She can add her own personal email as an additional account that can be deleted when she leaves. She can also use WhatsApp or Snapchat to talk to her friends. She knows not to use data-heavy apps out and about unless she's on WiFi, but at home she or on WiFi she can use Netflix etc. She doesn't use it to call home -- instead she Skypes via WiFi.

I think divided out among all our family members who belong to the plan it's about $60 a month for her phone, which I think is reasonable. We all start getting text warnings from Verizon if we are close to or over our data limit. It's not my AP's phone that runs it over but she is cautious about data anyway.

I think the no romantic sleepover rule is a good way to phrase it. I also have a no romantic partner hanging out with the kids during work hours and a no romantic partner over at all unless we've met them first and approved. Our first AP had a lot of boyfriend drama (she had a lot of drama, period) and it was....unpleasant.

[Anonymous]

I have never heard of an AP who wasn't given a cell phone. Until maybe two years ago, there were APs who had flip phones (ours did until three years ago), but now pretty much all the APs seem to have smart phones. Like PP, we have our Ap's smartphone on our family plan and pay about $60 a month for it. AP is very careful not to use much data and only does heavy use when he has wifi.

I would invest in one of those glass screen covers for your AP phone and a serious case. Our AP broke his screen about two months ago, and it's been a nightmare - he has had to replace it three times now, because each time they haven't done it right (two different places), and one place actually broke some internal wires so the GPS doesn't work anymore on the otherwise really great LG phone, which means we are going to have to buy a new one for the next AP before our two-year window is up (and pay a fortune as a result). It's been a big battle with the repair place, AP still doesn't have a working phone, and we are out several hundred dollars. I wish we had just gotten the serious screen cover and called it good to begin with!

We actually don't prohibit romatic sleepovers for our APs and never have. In our handbooks we say that friends should sleep downstairs in the playroom unless we have specifically agreed to another arrangement. We have a male AP, and we don't want male friends we don't know well walking around on the floor where our bedrooms are, nor do we want an endless stream of females in and out of AP's room. AP has been in a serious relationship for a while, though, so we regularly have his girlfriend overnight in his room and even joining us for dinner. Right now AP and girlfriend and DD are kayaking together on the river, using girlfriend's HF's kayaks, so it all works out well. I think having a blanket rule but being flexible if a certain situation arises makes sense.

We just ask AP as a matter of courtesy to ask anytime his girlfriend is staying over, mainly so I know who is in my house overnight.

We have never had an AP abuse our relaxed overnight guest privileges. We have had female APs who had friends over 2-3 nights/week, staying in their room, and that was totally fine with us as well. It all depends on the AP. Our APs work hard and are very much part of our family, so I try to be as flexible as possible on whatever i can be.

[Anonymous]

We provide a phone with unlimited data and domestic calls. Any overages on are the AP, which we say up front, but there have been no overages. We offer to show her how to use Skype and other apps that allow her to call back home for free, but they already know how to use that, so it hasn't been a problem.

[Anonymous]

Yep, we provide our AP a smartphone (as do most host families). We just added the phone to our family plan- so maybe $40/month. We direct her not to use her phone for international calls. She is to use Skype.

Only male APs are allowed to visit our house, usually as part of an AP group coming over. but otherwise, no boys in our house. and certainly no "romantic sleepovers" AP's must request a friend to sleep over in advance. I trust the AP group, but there is a higher level of scrutiny if a friend is not an AP. I basically treat her like I would if she was my 20yo daughter, with regard to safety.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Yep, we provide our AP a smartphone (as do most host families). We just added the phone to our family plan- so maybe $40/month. We direct her not to use her phone for international calls. She is to use Skype.

Only male APs are allowed to visit our house, usually as part of an AP group coming over. but otherwise, no boys in our house. and certainly no "romantic sleepovers" AP's must request a friend to sleep over in advance. I trust the AP group, but there is a higher level of scrutiny if a friend is not an AP. I basically treat her like I would if she was my 20yo daughter, with regard to safety.

9:25 here, and this is absolutely the case with us - we are only as relaxed as we are about guests because all of them (in our going on 9 years of hosting) have been APs. We would not be this relaxed about non-APs.

I also want to say thank you to 12:10 about being open to male APs coming over. We have found that we do most of the hosting in our house (and have set up our playroom accordingly, with a big screen TV, DVD, sectional couch, etc) because our male APs are not allowed in so many other APs' houses that in order for them to join the group, they pretty much have to host the gatherings. It's nice for them (and for us too) when the AP group can got to someone else's house for a change too.

[Anonymous]

Cell phone, yes.
International texts are her cost. International calls are prohibited on cell...she is to use house phone, skype or Viber.
Data limit of 2GB. Go over and 1st time - warning. 2nd time - pay overage.

Guests: Yes.
No male overnight guests unless family.

[Anonymous]

We just rematched and the outgoing au pair had made international calls without our knowledge or permission. Be sure to call the phone company and remove the feature for international calls-- you never know when someone will steal from you or abuse their access until it's too late.

[Anonymous]

Having a disconnect here. Our Ap uses wifi for Skype and what's app. She shouldn't have to use your data most of the time. She should connect to wifi in your home or other public areas. . If she doesn't'the that is rude though I have heard of APs that don't get it.

We have very liberal with rules -- no curfew, we pay for gas, no car restrictions except during into doc at night. But no male guests unless it is a very long term boyfriend. (My first AP married her boyfriend, so ok)

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Having a disconnect here. Our Ap uses wifi for Skype and what's app. She shouldn't have to use your data most of the time. She should connect to wifi in your home or other public areas. . If she doesn't'the that is rude though I have heard of APs that don't get it.

We have very liberal with rules -- no curfew, we pay for gas, no car restrictions except during into doc at night. But no male guests unless it is a very long term boyfriend. (My first AP married her boyfriend, so ok)

We still don't offer data. I realize a lot of hosts offer it now, but all of my APs have arrived with minimally a laptop or iPhone sometimes an iPad. And if not they had definite plans to buy some apple product while here. So in our home she can do whatever she wants/needs on wifi, which also includes host/AP communication and scheduling tools. If our AP is working and outside our home, she is basically driving, so the only need there is for a GPS, which we have in the car.

I might offer data in the future. We have a few old iPhone laying around, but I still think offering data is primarily for her personal use, not for family communication (how we operate anyway).

[Anonymous]

It is true that the data is primarily for AP's personal use, not for family communication, but since I have data, DH has data, and my 13 year old DD has data, I really believe that the AP, as a member of our family, should have data as well. He hardly uses it and is very good about his phone and not being glued to it, but since I would hate not having data in my daily life, I am sure he would feel the same. I browse DCUM while I'm sitting outside my son's speech therapy appointment, and I am sure AP would like to browse his own favorite sites as well.

[Anonymous]

We're very upfront about no overnight dates - we said it while interviewing, it's in the family manual, and the person we matched with has similar values to ours, and her family back home wouldn't have allowed it either, so it's been a non-issue.

My LCC advised before we matched that it's easier to give additional freedoms through out the year as you build trust and confidence than it is to take them away when something goes wrong. So, start out with some rules that are on the more strict, but not unreasonable, side and then loosen up once it's clear that your AP is not taking this an opportunity to go wild. I just removed the curfew restrictions, and eased up on needing notice about hosting friends - our AP is so introverted, that at this point, I would be relieved to see her socialize a bit.

[Anonymous]

We give our AP a tracfone. At the start of her year, we give her 1200+ minutes/3600+ texts. In the past we've provided dumb phones, just upgraded to a smart phone for the first time this month (AP is extending so we know it shouldn't be an issue with her) but we turned off cellular data on the phone so she won't waste her minutes on accidental data use. We do have GPS in the cars, so there's that. And she knows how to turn it on if she needs it in a pinch and can't use wifi. The phone was $50 on amazon (with triple minutes) and the minutes for the entire year were around 90. So around 15 per month for a smart phone and more than enough airtime for her work needs. If she uses it up via personal talk/text/data, then she can buy more airtime. She does have her home device as well (smartphone with no phone service) and often uses that to text and whatnot at home.

We have a no romantic sleepovers policy. DDs are old enough to notice and I'm not interested in answering those questions .