What do you think of the request made by this MB?

[Anonymous]

Background: MB is 31 and has one child, a 9-month-old son whom we'll call Tommy. I've been their FT nanny since Tommy was a newborn. Mom is a great MB and her parenting style is very much in sync with what mine was when I was raising my kids (I'm 55), so we have developed a great trust and rapport.

MB: So now that little [9M] Tommy has six teeth we've been noticing a problem with him starting to bite on people when he is playing and gets over-excited and eager. Have you noticed this too?

ME: Yes he has just started doing it this week as far as I've noticed.

MB: Right, and I'm getting concerned that we need to nip it in the bud. I mean right now it's not a temper issue and it's not aggressive, he's just gets so hyped up with excitement and sinking his teeth into something is his way of expressing it.

ME: That's the way I see it and I can understand wanting to think of ways to nip it in the bud. Like, think of the near future when he's in preschool and if this is still a habit of his it's not going to be easy to make friends.

MB: Not to mention the hysteria of the parents whose kids are victims of Tommy's.

ME: O_o

MB: What have you been doing so far when he does it?

ME: I just instantly pull away and cover his mouth with my fingers and say "no bite" while shaking my head and looking displeased.

MB: Yeah we do that too, but he just laughs! I think we need to change tactics and we have started doing something different now when he bites. We flick his cheek sharply with a thumb/forefinger and say "NO BITE" pretty aggressively and look angry while we do it. Some friends of ours tried this with they daughter and they said she never bit again, it worked the very first time they did it.

ME: Wow, did he cry?

MB: Yeah he cried, he was heartbroken! But we really have to get through to him that we're serious! In fact I wanted to let you know that it's OK with us if you start using this same technique. (chuckles) I mean of course not to leave marks or really hurt him or anything, but just enough to startle him and get his attention and see that we for sure don't like it. No one likes a biter and it's a lot easier to stop it early on rather than later.

What do you nannies/MBs think of this request and whether or not it would be appropriate for the nanny to comply?

[Anonymous]

No. Do not comply with any physical punishments EVER as a nanny.

Besides, if MB is correct, he will never do it again after one flick.

Get a copy of "Teeth are not for Biting" and end whatever he is doing the instant he bites - pick him up and take him out of the room immediately - fun is over.

[Anonymous]

I think this is a little crazy. He is only 9 months old. I would try to come up with other ways that do not involve harming him. I am baffled MB thinks it's okay to do that to a child who isn't even old enough to understand true consequences of his actions. He is still learning. He is not biting to hurt anyone. He is simply curious just like he was when he first discovered his feet or discovered a new toy. I understand biting is different, but her measures are a little drastic for a child under one year of age.

[Anonymous]

Thanks for the responses so far. While I am fine with accommodating parental requests even if they differ philosophically from mine, I do draw the line when it conflicts one of my basic tenets when it comes to caring for other people's children.

[Anonymous]

I wouldn't as a nanny. However as a parent I would. I've had friends that bite back,

[Anonymous]

Oh my god, just put the kid down and walk away when he bites you. It's a phase and it will end, why would you want to hurt a baby?!? No flicking, no biting back (!!!!), just a firm "No biting" as you plop him down and do something else for a short amount of time.

[Anonymous]

I just gave my teething babies a teether to chew on when they tried to do their teething on me.

Although is this mom breastfeeding? Honestly, I would cut her a little slack if someone with teeth bit her nipple. That's got to hurt!

[Anonymous]

I've heard a couple friends/parents say they do this and I am horrified every time. I think your approach is more appropriate for 9 months. I think you could also put the baby down while saying "no bite" and get up and walk away. Come back a minute later, but I think that would more effectively convey that if you hurt some one, they have to leave/can't hang out with you for awhile.

I think the message your boss is conveying is "if you hurt me, I'll hurt you back," sort of an eye for an eye type thing, and that's certainly not the message I'd want my baby to learn.

[Anonymous]

She's the mother and boss and you do as she asks.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I've heard a couple friends/parents say they do this and I am horrified every time. I think your approach is more appropriate for 9 months. I think you could also put the baby down while saying "no bite" and get up and walk away. Come back a minute later, but I think that would more effectively convey that if you hurt some one, they have to leave/can't hang out with you for awhile.

I think the message your boss is conveying is "if you hurt me, I'll hurt you back," sort of an eye for an eye type thing, and that's certainly not the message I'd want my baby to learn.

A 6 month old can't make that connection. But then connect using their teeth = they get hurt.

[Anonymous]

^^ Baby is 9 months old, and that exact technique is used to teach born newborns not to clamp down while nursing, so if a 2 week old can learn from it, it's worth a try with a 9 month old.

[Anonymous]

How old are you, OP?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:^^ Baby is 9 months old, and that exact technique is used to teach born newborns not to clamp down while nursing, so if a 2 week old can learn from it, it's worth a try with a 9 month old.

Theres a huge difference between learning how to get food and making a connection between hurting someone with your teeth and them pulling away and giving you a dirty look.

[Anonymous]

I'd do it. It works after just a couple times whereas your method could take months if it ever works at all. You're not going to permanently damage him in any way, just piss him off to the point he'll stop doing it sooner than later.

[Anonymous]

MB here. If she said "It's ok w/ us if you want to..." then that sounds like it would also be ok if you stuck with the approach with which you're more comfortable.

So you could just say "thanks, but I think I'll just stick w/ my approach and see if it works. Maybe between both/all of us this won't be a long-lasting behavior."

Don't look for a big issue if there really isn't one.

And definitely hope you don't have a serious biter/hitter on your hands. I have one of those and it is a MUCH bigger challenge in the toddler years than at 9 months (and mine didn't show any signs at 9 months.)