3 month old screaming for hours in early evening after nanny goes home
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Anonymous
| Our nanny just started this week. She's really great- trying very hard to entertain the baby. But he is overly tired and overly hungry when she leaves and the baby becomes inconsolable for hours. We have never had this problem before- he is not a colicky baby. I think it's because of change in caretaker and change in routines. I think he is not sleeping enough during the day due to a change in location of his sleep. nanny doesn't like the RNP which is understandable but that is where he has slept his whole life for naps. I hadn't pushed the idea of using it since he will eventually be transitioning out of the RNP anyway and I thought I should just let the nanny do whatever she wants since she has a lot of experience. But I think he isn't sleeping without it. I don't want to mention the screaming because I don't want to hurt her feelings. Maybe I should just suggest she use the RNP for a little while till he has gotten used to her? |
Anonymous
| I am a nanny and I would certainly want to know if I was making my charge overtired and hungry! Tell her what is going on with the baby when she leaves and see if she is open to suggestions. Your nanny cannot read your mind - she will not change what she is doing if she doesn't think it is in the best interest of the baby. |
Anonymous
| Rnp? |
Anonymous
Rock N Play |
Anonymous
| Of course, it is inept, inefficient, dopey, crazy nanny who refuses to let him sleep during the day just so he can scream for you. Poetic justice. |
Anonymous
| You say you think he is hungry and tired. Is the nanny recording naps and milk/formula intake? If not, she definitely should start. That might help you troubleshoot. |
Anonymous
| OP, may I point out how many times you said "I think..."? |
Anonymous
|
OP please do not listen to the other posters. This is your baby and what's best for him. Explain to her that until he gets used to the transition, to let him nap in the Rock N Play. I've even held the babies a few time just to have them bond to me a little. He should not be overtired and starving when your home. I would just let her know how you prefer things. Give it another couple days or a week. If it doesn't change, fire her.
I went through this but with MB. She told me ( before I started) that her son was always fussy, tired, and ate every hour. That all changed when I started. He ate every 2-3 hours, napped well, and was in a great mood all day. After a few hours of her bring home or her days home, he was crying all day, eating every hour, etc. She asked me to shadow and give her my honest opinion. I realized that she would try to comfort nurse or feed at every cry. Then he would spit up because he couldn't handle it. She never put him down for naps and would say " he never naps". He would fall asleep abc wake once she moved around. Instead of putting him down back to sleep, she would try and play with him. This led to him being over fed, exhausted and cranky. I gently explained he didn't need to eat for every cry. He was just tired. I was worried I overstepped but she appreciated the help. After a few days of doing what I do, his demeanor changed. He was happy, well rested, and fed, but not overfed. Talk to her. It's your child and your right to speak up. |
Anonymous
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I agree with the previous poster- talk to your nanny. Have her keep a detailed log so you guys can trouble shoot together.
Also remember that some babies just go through a stage where they scream at night. That is why it is often called "the witching hour" I had one charge that started around 3 months. Lasted until he was about 6 months and then he was back to his normal happy self. |
Anonymous
+1 Also: Any half decent infant nanny would have already been keeping a detailed log of your child's day (including feelings and naps). If she isn't, that should be an automatic red flag. You do also need to give your child a little time to adjust to a new caregiver and new routine; a few weeks at least. Although I agree that you should still communicate with your nanny about your concerns. (Keeping in mind the info about "witching hour," above, which is a very real thing.) |
Anonymous
| *including FEEDINGS and naps, that should say... |
Anonymous
|
Since he has been napping until now in his RNP (thanks PP for the clarification there!), he should still nap there. It doesn't matter if she likes it or not, if that is how you instruct her to put him in for naps then that is what she should do or she can find another family to work for.
Sorry if this sounds harsh, but it just isn't fair to your baby for him to have to cold turkey start sleeping somewhere else just because the nanny doesn't like it. It is YOUR child and ultimately it is entirely up to you to decide where he is to take his nap. Plus the added stress of a totally new person in his life is just making this worse for him. If you sincerely want to keep this nanny on, and perhaps compromise...I would suggest she wean the baby off the RNP rather than simply stop cold turkey. |
Anonymous
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There is evidence that the rock n play may be linked with:
Increased risk of sids (baby's chin will be on his chest, which is a warning sign, as well as the sides being up) Falls (if your baby can roll well and/or sit up, she is too old for the rnp) Torticollis (baby cannot move freely) I would have extreme reservations about putting a charge at risk. Yes, it may be a problem short term, but your baby needs to learn to sleep safely, for his/her own good. If anything, you should be speeding the transition by using the crib/bassinet for ALL baby's sleep instead of continuing to feed the habit at night. |
Anonymous
| It's called the witching hour for a reason and around three months is when a lot of babies "wake up" so their behavior changes. So some of what you're seeing may be just that, but the rest of it - you can dictate where the child naps. Yes, you want to empower the nanny to take charge, but you also need what she's doing to work for you as a family. Talk to her and ask her to give the RNP a try for the rest of the week. Then you two can reevaluate together what is working, what should be changed. The hunger bit also should be addressed. Are you breastfeeding? I've made the mistake of assuming some one with years of experience doesn't need a lot of instruction on how to feed a breastfed baby, but turns out there's a lot of outdated and misinformed guidance out there. Don't assume she knows.don't assume anyone knows. Walk her through how much, how often, and how to prepare the bottles, and what to do if baby seems extra hungry one day. How much extra is allowed even on those days? |
nannydebsays
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You need to have a sit down with nanny and talk together about how things are going. Reference the log sheets she is keeping (and if she isn't keeping logs, ask why not), and discuss baby's schedule with you before nanny started, tips and tricks for what worked for you, and ask her for her input as well. If you prefer he continue to sleep in the RNP, TELL HER THAT, and ask her to brainstorm with you in a few weeks on how to make the transition to a crib easier. Go over feeding, playtime, routines, sleep - check in about everything, and be honest about the issues you are seeing, as well as about how YOU care for baby. If nanny is taking a completely different direction from you, then of course there will be issues, but she may have some ideas on positive changes that can be made. And you need to share what you are comfortable with vs. what you are willing to change. If nanny says, "I never feed babies your son's age more than every 4 hours.", and you have been feeding every 3 hours, that is an issue you need to be clear on, telling her to feed on a 3 hour schedule. If her style of play is different from yours, as long as she is playing safely, that can be let go. You get the idea. Good luck! |