My referral didn't work out and now I'm stuck in the middle

[Anonymous]

I recommended my friend to a nanny family a little over a year ago. My friend gave her three weeks notice this past week and things are ending very unprofessionally (surprisingly on the momboss's end). Since recommending my friend, I have sat for this family from time to time and I have seen how misbehaved the children are, and how neurotic the momboss is. My friend says the mom comes home sometimes 45 minutes late without a warning, she has changed up the nanny's duties, and even flexes her time without notice or even asking...there's so much more to it but all in all, I do not blame my friend for quitting. She quit very professionally, she gave three weeks notice and handled the mom and written notice. The mom flipped out on her and said she wasn't thinking of the kids and she was selfish and she needed to stay and went as far to say that she will never give a good reccomendation because the nanny can never be counted on because she gave up on her family.

On the day that my friend quit,, the momboss has called my phone seven times, she texted me twice and demanded that I call her ASAP (this was during my working hours - I'm also a nanny). I finally texted and told her that "I cannot talk on the phone because I am at work". She then blew up my phone with texts for a good hours straight. It was just random stuff with her bad mouthing my friend and telling me that my friend screwed her family over...which is false. I never replied to any of the texts until the end of my day. I sent one back and explained that I was sorry about the situation and I'm sure it's tough for both parties but I do not want to be put in the middle. Since then, she has called my phone twice and texted back and told me that I was bad a referring people and that she will make sure everyone knows how professionally I handle things when people I refer quit.

I just don't know what to do anymore. I've ignored her every time and I really just want to cut the ties. BUT my current job ends next year and I will be looking for a new nanny position. I'm fearful that she will try to ruin that for me.

[Anonymous]

Don't worry. Crazy can't contain itself so I'm sure others will be able to see how nuts she is.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I recommended my friend to a nanny family a little over a year ago. My friend gave her three weeks notice this past week and things are ending very unprofessionally (surprisingly on the momboss's end). Since recommending my friend, I have sat for this family from time to time and I have seen how misbehaved the children are, and how neurotic the momboss is. My friend says the mom comes home sometimes 45 minutes late without a warning, she has changed up the nanny's duties, and even flexes her time without notice or even asking...there's so much more to it but all in all, I do not blame my friend for quitting. She quit very professionally, she gave three weeks notice and handled the mom and written notice. The mom flipped out on her and said she wasn't thinking of the kids and she was selfish and she needed to stay and went as far to say that she will never give a good reccomendation because the nanny can never be counted on because she gave up on her family.

On the day that my friend quit,, the momboss has called my phone seven times, she texted me twice and demanded that I call her ASAP (this was during my working hours - I'm also a nanny). I finally texted and told her that "I cannot talk on the phone because I am at work". She then blew up my phone with texts for a good hours straight. It was just random stuff with her bad mouthing my friend and telling me that my friend screwed her family over...which is false. I never replied to any of the texts until the end of my day. I sent one back and explained that I was sorry about the situation and I'm sure it's tough for both parties but I do not want to be put in the middle. Since then, she has called my phone twice and texted back and told me that I was bad a referring people and that she will make sure everyone knows how professionally I handle things when people I refer quit.

I just don't know what to do anymore. I've ignored her every time and I really just want to cut the ties. BUT my current job ends next year and I will be looking for a new nanny position. I'm fearful that she will try to ruin that for me.

I don't understand. How can this MB ruin your chances for a new position next year? Simply do not use her as a reference.

I would, of course, side with the nanny in the above situation and do my best to calm the MB but never agree with her. Use phrases like "Sometimes situations just don;t work out" and "not every nanny is a good fit for every family" and, of course, the old "I am so sorry you feel that way". Respond to her texts and calls ONLY when you are not working but don't avoid her.

[Anonymous]

Most smart phones have a way to block calls. Block her.

[Anonymous]

Yikes OP!!

Soo...Did you really have no idea this mother was crazy when you referred your friend to her? Because if I were your friend, I would wonder how much you knew about her when you referred me to her. Did you even know her at all...??

Anyway, she sounds looney, cuckoo for Cocoa Puffs, etc.

(The mother that is.)

You already told her that you do not want to get in the middle which is totally what you are supposed to do. And yet she is still trying to get you involved in spite of you informing her you do not want to.

From now on, I would just ignore her texts and phone calls. She is borderline psycho, stalker, etc. She needs to let up and take a chill pill.

Don't let her words intimidate you. ONE person cannot ruin a whole career. Plus, now you have your friend who will back you up if this mother does decide to blacklist you.

Good luck. Sounds like a mess, but you will be just fine.

[Anonymous]

I don't have much to add other than she sounds nuts and I wouldn't hesitate to cut ties with her completely even if I ultimately had to tell her exactly why. Sometimes honesty is the best policy (and sometimes not.) Much luck to both you and your friend. And don't worry for one second about your job search NEXT YEAR. She'll be long gone by then, nothing more than a pipe dream or amusing anecdote you tell others about.