I am not sure what do do...

[Anonymous]

I just got a well paying, part-time, second nanny job for a very nice couple. However, they have a 17 month old daughter who has no rules or schedule and screams/cries for her mother all of the time. None of my usual tricks are working with her and I cannot seem to convince the mother that she is making it so much worse by hanging around us when her DD does start to cry for her instead of just leaving fast.

And can I get used to following the no rules or schedule thing with a toddler?

[Anonymous]

Do yourself a huge favor and just give them notice like all the nannies before you.

[Anonymous]

Would they allow you to just head out to the park as soon as you arrive for duty with the girl?I thinkyou can setup your own routine with her for while you're with her. Like as soon as you walk in, you give a big hug, sing a song, change her diaper, feed her a snack, then head out to the park or story time, then head back. Having a routine is comforting, so she'll get used to you with time if you're allowed to be consistent. If they won't allow you that much, I don't know what else you can do other than try to reason with them, but if they're set in their ways - best of luck.

[Anonymous]

Any nanny, even part-time, can establish a routine with a child even if it the only routine in her life. I would do that, OP, if I were in your position.

I honestly have no clue why parents think that "lingering" when their child is crying for them not to leave is helpful. Has it ever worked for the benefit of the child? All it does is make the poor little one suffer and make the child believe that getting all worked up (which is not pleasant) works to get what they want.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Would they allow you to just head out to the park as soon as you arrive for duty with the girl?I thinkyou can setup your own routine with her for while you're with her. Like as soon as you walk in, you give a big hug, sing a song, change her diaper, feed her a snack, then head out to the park or story time, then head back. Having a routine is comforting, so she'll get used to you with time if you're allowed to be consistent. If they won't allow you that much, I don't know what else you can do other than try to reason with them, but if they're set in their ways - best of luck.

This, OP. If the mother cannot see how she is harming her child then remove the child from the upsetting situation and take her out when the mother is leaving.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Would they allow you to just head out to the park as soon as you arrive for duty with the girl?I thinkyou can setup your own routine with her for while you're with her. Like as soon as you walk in, you give a big hug, sing a song, change her diaper, feed her a snack, then head out to the park or story time, then head back. Having a routine is comforting, so she'll get used to you with time if you're allowed to be consistent. If they won't allow you that much, I don't know what else you can do other than try to reason with them, but if they're set in their ways - best of luck.

This, OP. If the mother cannot see how she is harming her child then remove the child from the upsetting situation and take her out when the mother is leaving.

+2. I used to do this with my twin charges every day. Their MB/DB weren't even lingering, they just had a hard time with the transition each morning and evening. We left for the park or a quick walk (even in the winter) as soon as I got there and we were out when MB got home in the evening so she had a minute alone to get changed, let out the dogs, etc without the kids crawling all over her. It made the days much less stressful and everyone, especially the kids, much happier in the long run.

This isn't a quitting, or even red flag, issue. The transition is simply a little more difficult for your DC than others. Be a little creative here! If you can't leave the house, create another routine that separates you and DC from MB in the morning so she can say a quick goodbye and get out the door.

[Anonymous]

Does the child only scream in the morning when the mother leaves the house? I could handle that.

Or:

Does the mother work outside of the home and the child screams for her constantly?

That would be just awful for me and I wouldn't be able to continue a job like that.

No rules? Can you elaborate more please?

[Anonymous]

I have had this issue with a family that I babysat for regularly. I waited till they came home one evening and told them that it took a long time to calm down so&so and I think that as a professional it would be best to adjust my start time to closer Them walking out of the door from now on. That way we could do a simple bait and switch. Explain to them that the longer it takes for them to go and the anxiety builds the longer it takes for the separation anxiety to subside. Kids tend to think that the more a parent lingers the more they have a shot at convincing them to stay. They may have never had a professional childcare worker put it to them that way. If they aren't receptive to your request then I'd start looking for another position

[Anonymous]

There's no reason why you can't institute some small changes while you're there -- like a routine for the time you spend with the child and rules for while you're with her.

As for the leaving aspect, it might get better with time. The mom might be anxious about leaving her with a new nanny, and as she gets used to her, this will improve. Continue to talk with her about how it's hard but easier if she just leaves quickly. As other PPs have mentioned you taking the child to the park or out in the yard might also help.