FTM - Ideas for adjusting to a new nanny?

[Anonymous]

Hi - I am a FTM and just recently hired a nanny to care for my 4 month old. My baby is not exactly high needs, but has early stranger anxiety. She cries if anyone besides me or DH hold her (even our friends). So - my baby has obviously been crying with the new nanny, and will not take the bottle from the nanny. Me and DH are taking turns working from home for a few days while we transition (so we have been feeding her).

I know she needs time to adjust - but I am just trying to figure out if the transition is easier if she is completely alone with the nanny, or if I should work continue working from home and try to slowly transition duties to the nanny (let her handle play time/ diaper changes, but we feed her for a few days, and transition that duty over once she is more comfortable with the nanny). Anyone who has been through this situation before and have advice?

[Anonymous]

Mom here. Do you feel comfortable with the nanny? Is she experienced? Does she seem like she knows what she's doing?

If so, then yes - get out of the house. Let it be. Let her do her job. You really should only need to overlap for a day or so - long enough for her to learn where everything is, show her any tricks/tips for your baby, get a sense of how you and she will communicate w/ each other - that kind of thing. Then you need to let go.

I know it can be hard - I'm not trying to be harsh. But any nanny w/ any infant experience, can handle a healthy 4 mth old easily. Any mom could, any experienced babysitter could.

So yes, you need to just get out of her way. As in - out of the house.

[Anonymous]

OP here: I do trust the nanny - she has lots of prior experience with infants. She is trying different techniques to get my LO adjusted to her.

And I don't think your advice is harsh at all - I know it is hard for me to let go and I am looking for advice. I read somewhere that it might be easier to slowly transition. But that might also be making it harder for my nanny and the baby (since the baby knows that if she cries enough, I will intervene). So I was looking for anyone who had advice or been through this before. I guess it is time for me to let go and let the nanny handle her. It is just hard - but babies are resilient, right?

[Anonymous]

Nanny of twelve years here. Yes babies are resilient. Yes the situation will improve if you give them a chance to bond without you intervening. Yes, it's hard, but you being home and intervening is making everyone's life ten times more difficult, nanny and baby included. This is why you've done your homework and hired an experienced nanny -- so you can let her bond with baby and establish a routine, and you can go to work (and let go just a little). Every day that passes with you gone will give things a chance to improve.

[Anonymous]

13:21 here. That's great OP, that you've hired someone experienced and who you trust.

I had twins and thought I'd need to overlap w/ our nanny when she started (they were not quite 4 mths old). It was apparent the first day that she didn't need me around (besides showing her where things were.) I worked part-time that first week but I think it was mostly for my piece of mind.

On occasion we've needed back-up care when our nanny is on vacation and the first time we did that I used an agency nanny who I couldn't stay home with. I had to plan to leave within an hour of her arriving - I was extremely nervous.

The woman walked in, got the basic rundown from me and then instantly took over and got the kids out of the house. The message being "I can do my job MUCH better without the parents around." It was a pretty powerful moment for me. She really knew what she was doing and it was apparent. And I wasn't helpful.

We still go through these kinds of dynamics w/ my kids and they're almost 4. Life is harder for the nanny when Mom is around. And the kids exploit that consciously and unconsciously. The hard part is getting me to accept it and get out.

[Anonymous]

OP here: Thanks for the advice. I realize now my nanny is definitely on the right track - she takes LO out of the house for walks (most likely to get her away from me!). Your comments make me feel better - and not like I am abandoning my baby. I know this is harder on me than the baby...

[Anonymous]

I think your idea is great. Continue feeding your baby for a few days more while letting your baby get to know the new nanny. Her voice, smell, touch, etc. Then once your baby and the new nanny form a tighter bond, I would stop feeding the baby altogether and let the nanny take over.

Even then, it will be a tough transition for both nanny and baby. Baby will still cry out for you or your husband and may not take the bottle fully.

Hopefully your new nanny has a ton of patience because she will need to dip into any reserves in order for this plan to succeed.

Good luck to all of you. It will take some time, but eventually you all will arrive at your mutual goal.

[Anonymous]

This will DEFINITELY be harder on you than on the baby. Hang in there, OP. I think it's best for you to leave the house. Kind of like pulling the Band-Aid off all at once rather than gradually. It hurts more at first, but the pain is over more quickly! My daughter is now 7 months old, and our nanny started when she was 5 months old. I had one day at home with the nanny, so that I could show her around the house, show her my daughter's routines, etc., and then I went back to work. The first day was a bit of a transition for my daughter, but things have been great ever since. And seeing her smile every day when the nanny arrives is the only thing that gets me out the door. Good luck!