Responsibilities changed after being hired, what to do (other than quit)?

[Anonymous]

Hello!

I was hired a few months ago as a babysitter to watch two kids, a 3 and half year old and a 16 month old. The reason I was hired is because I speak a language that the parents don't, but would like the kids to learn. The initial agreement was that I would come twice a week, for 2 hours each time, and play, read and talk to the girls in this language. We agreed on a low rate to start with because I have no formal training (though I have a bachelors degree in an unrelated field) and she thought I lacked experience even though I have babysat and watched children since the time I was 8 years old. Just never as a job. I am now in my early thirties. The times I would come ended up being random, decided on a week to week basis, due to a changing school schedule and other activities that the kids have. The only rule I was given was no TV at all.

In the first couple of months everything was working just fine. The girls loved me and mostly respected me and did what had their parent wanted me to do. However, after that I started being asked to stay for more hours or to come extra days during the week. No pattern, and usually last minute. Sometimes I would find out when the two hours were up, that they needed me for longer. Initially, I agreed because the kids were well behaved and I wanted to help and also for the extra money. However, after a few instances where the mom just left, telling me she did not know when she would come back, I stated asking before agreeing to come, how many hours she would need me for. That issue seems to be mostly fixed.


However, with more hours, and more random times, I was dealing with more than what I thought we had agreed on when I was hired. I came to find out the children have no schedule for meals. They eat whenever they are hungry, which is fine if it works for them, but that means I often have to cook for the kids. And as it turns out, the oldest child is not fond of eating and she sometimes asks for something and refuses to eat it only to ask for something else 5 minutes later. So I am also responsible for trying to set rules and limits and following the instructions the parent sometimes gives me, all of that in a foreign language the kids do not fully grasp. Once I started staying for more hours and having to do more things and running into different situations, I have had to, on occasion, speak to them in English, which the older one understands very well. For instance, when their mother was out and the oldest was crying that she wanted her mom and I explained in the foreign language, using gestures that her mom was out shopping, but would be back soon, and lets play while we wait! But she was still concerned, and I could tell she did not fully grasp what I was saying and there's only so much you can explain through gestures, so I explained to her in English as well. One time she fell and was hurt and she did not understand what I was saying so I had to ask her in English if she was ok, where does it hurt, stuff like that. And I mentioned that to the mom and she would tell me to try to use only the foreign language at all times, even if they don't understand. And I would tell her that if it's a safety issue or an important instruction, I will use English as well if necessary.

Now that the weather is getting warmer where I live, I'm also being asked to take both kids to the playground. I agreed initially, because it's a short walk form their home and the oldest up until recently could be trusted to listen and follow instructions and the youngest could be carried in and out of the park, if it needed. However, the oldest, who is now 4, is not listening anymore. She does not respect me and completely shuts me down when I try to tell her to do something she does not want like picking up her toys, going back home from the park, eating the food the just asked me to cook for her, etc. Also when I say something is not allowed or not allowed right now.

I talked to their parent about it after an incident at the park where she refused to leave because she met a friend there and wanted to keep playing. She just shuts me down completely and says no and meanwhile I have the younger child to look after as well, who does not like to stay still in one place so it makes things very difficult if i have to spend over 5 minutes convincing the oldest to go home, in a foreign language no less. So of course I resorted to speaking in English and it was a safety issue and I could not stay in the park any longer and she flat out refused to go.

After explaining all of that to the mother, she says I should not speak English to them at all anymore, in any situation, and that it's fine if they don't understand. That I should use gestures and such. I tried to explain that some things cannot be explained with gestures and that I cannot do more than two hours with the children only speaking the foreign language with all that I'm expected to do with them. It's totally doable if I'm home with both for a couple of hours only playing and reading like it was initially, but I find it extremely hard to correct bad behavior and explain consequences in a language that they do not fully grasp. Specially now that the oldest is having a hard time listening and obeying important instructions.

The mom insists that it's doable and wants me to prepare something similar to a lesson plan and gave me some material to read on parenting which I read because I find it interesting, even though I have already read about strategies to the problems I'm facing with their behavior and have been able to fix or at least manage most of them. Except for the not listening, no respecting thing.

I'm going to stand firm on the two hour limit until I see that I can trust the oldest kid, however, even if then I feel like I'm being very underpaid. Where I live, the rate is $5 to $10 for babysitting one child. The mom agreed to start with $7. So I feel like not only am I watching 2 kids for the price of one, I'm having a LOT more work than I would doing actual babysitting. speaking to children in their native language and just playing with them. Some parents even let the kids watch TV. Some parents just want you there to keep an eye on the kid. I'm doing a whole lot more than that, and if I start planning the types of activities and lessons I'm being asked to, I will have to spend at least an extra hour at home doing that. I think I would just rather babysit for another family where I won't have so many responsibilities and stress. In the first few months I really enjoyed what I was doing, it was like a dream job for me, even though the pay isn't that good. Now I feel like I'm being taken advantaged of and I don't know how to approach the subject of increasing my hourly rate or even how much it more would be reasonable to charge.

Sorry this is so long, there's even more to this story but I tried to keep it as short as possible.

I would appreciate any advice, tips, suggestions regarding anything that I mentioned. Specially the not listening thing, having to use only a language that they don't understand and also the rate.

[Anonymous]

You are nuts to stay with this job. It is extremely low paying if not illegal (I know of no area where $7 an hour is even minimum wage). Quit and get a part-time job at Starbucks where you would have a better work experience and set schedule if nanny jobs are so low paying in your area.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You are nuts to stay with this job. It is extremely low paying if not illegal (I know of no area where $7 an hour is even minimum wage). Quit and get a part-time job at Starbucks where you would have a better work experience and set schedule if nanny jobs are so low paying in your area.

+1 Come on, OP, there is no advice any sane person can give you except to quit. So quit.

[Anonymous]

The mom is taking advantage of you and she knows it.

[Anonymous]

You should have never agreed to such a low wage, especially when you're bored because of a special language. That should give you a huge advantage in wage negotiations.

I've had jobs before where I only spoke to the kids in my native language. Those situations seem most successful when you're in a full time position. If it's only a few hours a day for a few days a week, the kids probably won't be picking up this language very effectively.

This just seems like a very bad set up for the kids and you and I would either talk to the mom and get a set schedule, a plan to discipline the older one and a livable wage or just walk away. There must be better jobs out there.

[Anonymous]

$7 an hour. Where do you live? Guatemala?

[Anonymous]

OP here. I'm in the Netherlands, it's 7 euros an hour which if it was for actually just babysitting in a foreign language it would be fine. I agreed to 7 because she said we would START with that, since I have moved here less than a year ago and have no experience doing this as a job like I mentioned. I have only ever babysat for friends and family and that does not work as a referral or proof that I have a lot of experience. So I agreed to that with the expectation that my pay would be increased and also to have more experience to be able to get more babysitting jobs. I do not speak Dutch yet, and it seems that the Dutch don't really use babysitters all that often, so my options are a little more limited.

I'm doing this because it's something I enjoy doing and since we can get by on my husband's income by living frugally I figured I would pick a job that I actually enjoy doing. I don't work full time for this family, usually it's only 2-3 hours, twice a week.

If I had experience as a teacher I could and would charge a private tutor rate, but since I don't, I cannot do that. If it was only plain old babysitting I do think 10 euros would be fine, for two kids. But the language thing makes it more work...and more stressful if it's more than an hour or two. But how much is that worth? I'm not sure.

Do I need this job to survive, no. But she did ask me to make sure I really wanted to do this, because her kids get attached easily, and I did, but I can't do it if the children will not cooperate and I don't think I can be expected to go above and beyond and spent hours preparing each week for such a low pay.

The only reason I'm still considering doing this, is because I said I would, I feel like I would be breaking a promise and I'm weird about that I guess. She seems to really like me and the fact that the kids like me. Every time I arrive at their home the kids run to the door to greet me and are very happy to see me.

I have too much of a sense of responsibility unfortunately. Good for others, but not always good for me. Also, quitting would probably mean I would not be able to use her as a referral so I would have to start from scratch again.

I AM willing to do this twice a week, two hours each time, but I think I should ask for a raise. However, I have no clue how to ask and how to justify it for her. It feels like it would be an awkward conversation, not sure how to go about that, I'm guessing she will think she does not need to pay me more than 7 an hour and then if I quit over that I will feel like I'm not keeping my end of the agreement.

[Anonymous]

Do whatever you need to do to get a great recommendation from this employer. Keep this job going, telling this MB you are looking for a second job, until the other job comes through at more money than 7 Euros (what is that, like $8 an hour?). Go back to 2 hours twice a week and keep it clean. Do not speak English to the kids if the mother doesn;t want you to and don't take them anyplace where you would need to speak English.