very long term nanny -> household manager

[Anonymous]

I have older friends that have wonderful women who have been a part of their household for 10+ years -- first as nannies for their children, then as more of a driver/cook/household manager/housekeeper as the children aged. They are respected members of the family who play such a critical, and evolving, role for the family. How do I find that?

[Anonymous]

How much are you willing to invest? How old are you children now? Are you a kind person?

[nannydebsays]

Anonymous wrote:I have older friends that have wonderful women who have been a part of their household for 10+ years -- first as nannies for their children, then as more of a driver/cook/household manager/housekeeper as the children aged. They are respected members of the family who play such a critical, and evolving, role for the family. How do I find that?

How old are your kids now? What is your game plan for maintaining a great relationship with your nanny/manager through the years? What would your expectations be regarding wages as hours started to decline, while responsibilities remained at a high level?

For me to remain with a family for years and years, I would have to genuinely like and have common ground with the parents. We would have to be terrific at communicating, and have a mutually respectful relationship. I would also expect that as the number of work hours declined during the school year that my wages would not decline as well. In other words, I would expect to continue to earn raises and bonuses based on current job responsibilities, and not lose ground financially.

Of course, I would also have to be good with kids of all ages, and happy to work with kids of all ages. I'd need to be willing to expand my skill set to encompass being a "family manager", a tutor, a chef, a driver, and so forth.

[Anonymous]

It's extremely difficult to screen for this sort of thing when hiring a nanny. For one thing, you're asking for someone who is open to committing 10+ years of their life to one job with one family. Nannydeb has sage advice, as always with regard to a good compensation package, annual raises, and never reducing pay even when you may need her less.

One of the things that struck me as very difficult is age. You can't hire anyone over 40 because someone who is healthy and active at 40 is not guaranteed to be able to keep up with tens and preteens over 50. You need someone experienced for young children, so 25 is the minimum age you'd want, but it's going to be hard to find someone to commit for so long at that age. Obviously you can't say this but I feel like you're going to need to find someone who doesn't want her own kids because otherwise in a couple years she'll be asking to leave to raise them or to bring her own kids to your house. And while finding someone who's already raised her own kids sounds ideal, once again you're left with someone well over 50 in ten years (or find someone who has school age kids and deal with excessive germ exposure, and nanny needing to be off for every snow day and teacher workday and bring her kid all summer).

I dunno, it's obviously possible but difficult. Personally I'd screen for someone between 32 and 36 who doesn't want her own kids.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I have older friends that have wonderful women who have been a part of their household for 10+ years -- first as nannies for their children, then as more of a driver/cook/household manager/housekeeper as the children aged. They are respected members of the family who play such a critical, and evolving, role for the family. How do I find that?

If you start a nanny at the common DC area wage of $20 an hour and offer $1 raises each year (which is fairly a low amount for a raise) you would be paying, AT A MINIMUM, $30 an hour when your kids are 11 or 12 years old for a woman who is just doing some cooking and driving the kids around.... does that sound like a smart investment to you?

Plus, if you were to have another baby during that time, you would have to add $2 an hour right there, so that would put you at $32 an hour after 10 years plus the sudden bump during whatever year you had the baby.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I have older friends that have wonderful women who have been a part of their household for 10+ years -- first as nannies for their children, then as more of a driver/cook/household manager/housekeeper as the children aged. They are respected members of the family who play such a critical, and evolving, role for the family. How do I find that?

If you start a nanny at the common DC area wage of $20 an hour and offer $1 raises each year (which is fairly a low amount for a raise) you would be paying, AT A MINIMUM, $30 an hour when your kids are 11 or 12 years old for a woman who is just doing some cooking and driving the kids around.... does that sound like a smart investment to you?

Plus, if you were to have another baby during that time, you would have to add $2 an hour right there, so that would put you at $32 an hour after 10 years plus the sudden bump during whatever year you had the baby.

Some families can afford to prioritize their children's well-being over a few extra dollars in the bank. Good for them.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I have older friends that have wonderful women who have been a part of their household for 10+ years -- first as nannies for their children, then as more of a driver/cook/household manager/housekeeper as the children aged. They are respected members of the family who play such a critical, and evolving, role for the family. How do I find that?

If you start a nanny at the common DC area wage of $20 an hour and offer $1 raises each year (which is fairly a low amount for a raise) you would be paying, AT A MINIMUM, $30 an hour when your kids are 11 or 12 years old for a woman who is just doing some cooking and driving the kids around.... does that sound like a smart investment to you?

Plus, if you were to have another baby during that time, you would have to add $2 an hour right there, so that would put you at $32 an hour after 10 years plus the sudden bump during whatever year you had the baby.

First of all, some people really value having a consistent loving person in their children's lives and think that kind of person is priceless.

Second, you don't always have to give money raises as the children age so your math isn't exactly correct. I was with my last family for almost 12 years and got more vacation time, less working hours, etc. rather than more money for raises as time went on. Those things were more valuable to me, so I was very happy.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I have older friends that have wonderful women who have been a part of their household for 10+ years -- first as nannies for their children, then as more of a driver/cook/household manager/housekeeper as the children aged. They are respected members of the family who play such a critical, and evolving, role for the family. How do I find that?

If you start a nanny at the common DC area wage of $20 an hour and offer $1 raises each year (which is fairly a low amount for a raise) you would be paying, AT A MINIMUM, $30 an hour when your kids are 11 or 12 years old for a woman who is just doing some cooking and driving the kids around.... does that sound like a smart investment to you?

Plus, if you were to have another baby during that time, you would have to add $2 an hour right there, so that would put you at $32 an hour after 10 years plus the sudden bump during whatever year you had the baby.

First of all, some people really value having a consistent loving person in their children's lives and think that kind of person is priceless.

Second, you don't always have to give money raises as the children age so your math isn't exactly correct. I was with my last family for almost 12 years and got more vacation time, less working hours, etc. rather than more money for raises as time went on. Those things were more valuable to me, so I was very happy.

Sorry, I can't pay my rent with vacation time and less hours.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It's extremely difficult to screen for this sort of thing when hiring a nanny. For one thing, you're asking for someone who is open to committing 10+ years of their life to one job with one family. Nannydeb has sage advice, as always with regard to a good compensation package, annual raises, and never reducing pay even when you may need her less.

One of the things that struck me as very difficult is age. You can't hire anyone over 40 because someone who is healthy and active at 40 is not guaranteed to be able to keep up with tens and preteens over 50. You need someone experienced for young children, so 25 is the minimum age you'd want, but it's going to be hard to find someone to commit for so long at that age. Obviously you can't say this but I feel like you're going to need to find someone who doesn't want her own kids because otherwise in a couple years she'll be asking to leave to raise them or to bring her own kids to your house. And while finding someone who's already raised her own kids sounds ideal, once again you're left with someone well over 50 in ten years (or find someone who has school age kids and deal with excessive germ exposure, and nanny needing to be off for every snow day and teacher workday and bring her kid all summer).

I dunno, it's obviously possible but difficult. Personally I'd screen for someone between 32 and 36 who doesn't want her own kids.

This poster makes a lot of good points. Although, I'm not sure how you'd ask them about wanting kids. I would be very put off by that question.

I have a position somewhat similar to what OP describes. I've been a part time nanny with the same family for over ten years. I have another job unrelated to nannying and started with them as a date night sitter. They had more kids over the years, advanced in their careers and needed much more help. We were both fortunate that the hours (mostly evenings) worked with my schedule, and I'm usually with them 15-20 hours a week. They also have a full time nanny. Three of the kids are in school and the youngest starts in the fall, so they will now only need one person, and just after school/evenings. It's not enough hours for their full time nanny, and I'm really hoping I can make it work with my other job schedule.

I never had any intention of becoming a nanny. I was 25 when I moved to the area and was looking to make some extra cash. The job has obviously changed very much since I started, and most days I think it's more challenging than when they were younger. But, after 10 years, I can't imagine not being with those kids. I don't have kids, and probably won't so I think the PP made a great point about finding someone without kids. They have been through 6 full time nannies since I've been there, and all but one left to start her own family. Since I don't have kids, I don't face a lot of the challenges that some nannies do and I'm able to offer a great deal of flexibility to the parents. This is extremely important to them, and they compensate me very well.

OP- I wish I had better advice for you. Don't giver up, this person does exist. BTW....I respectfully disagree with the PP about not wanting someone over 40. As with any situation, there are pros and cons, but this shouldn't be a deterrent. MB will be 50 this year and her youngest is 5. She can run circles around the 20 something nannies she has hired over the years. Someone a little older may have grown kids, and a husband to depend on. She may not need 50-60 hours to get by. That is one of the biggest obstacles to overcome. Someone who is ok with the salary of a part time job, but takes the job seriously.

Good luck

[Anonymous]

OP here --

we have a elementary school child, a preschool child, and an infant, and as far as "planning" goes in that category, we are done. We have had one nanny for 5 years who was great, but now doesn't meet our needs (primarily, she doesn't drive -- nonstarter for an imminent new in-town move, and other considerations). As nannydeb points out, I totally understand keeping the compensation the same, but adjusting the responsibilities and hours to accommodate needs along the way as things shift.

is there a way to screen for these types of individuals (recognizing that things always change) other than/in addition to 19:23 suggests (helpfully) about age? (which I can't necessarily do legally anyway, right?)

[Anonymous]

DCUM any other time: "Nannies must be given yearly raises or you are a horrible person and boss."

DCUM in this thread: "A raise is not required, this nanny can work for you for 10 years without a raise. Just throw in a couple extra vacation days."

Make up your mind.

[Anonymous]

Of course you have to consistently offer an attractive compensation package, in accordance with the value of a good employee.

Or they go elsewhere, if they have any brains.

[nannydebsays]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I have older friends that have wonderful women who have been a part of their household for 10+ years -- first as nannies for their children, then as more of a driver/cook/household manager/housekeeper as the children aged. They are respected members of the family who play such a critical, and evolving, role for the family. How do I find that?

If you start a nanny at the common DC area wage of $20 an hour and offer $1 raises each year (which is fairly a low amount for a raise) you would be paying, AT A MINIMUM, $30 an hour when your kids are 11 or 12 years old for a woman who is just doing some cooking and driving the kids around.... does that sound like a smart investment to you?

Plus, if you were to have another baby during that time, you would have to add $2 an hour right there, so that would put you at $32 an hour after 10 years plus the sudden bump during whatever year you had the baby.

OP is looking for someone who will do more than cook and drive occasionally. She is looking for someone to manage her children's care and eventually manage her household as well.

Once OP's infant is a toddler, and not in need of multiple naps/feedings per day, OP can add grocery shopping to Nanny's job. Then add Target runs/other Errands. Presumably Nanny already does kid laundry, but if she is willing to add on adult laundry at some point, that's another chore OP can pass off. As the years pass, Nanny will be driving kids to schools/sports/activities, keeping the home organized, managing the kids schedules, dealing with vendors, doing light cleaning, and on and on.

OP wants a nanny to do what OP would do if she didn't work. That is possible as long as the nanny knows going in that OP is seeking that sort of person, and as long as OP adds tasks gradually, so Nanny can focus on the kids needs, not "light cleaning" all day long.

[Anonymous]

I have older friends that have wonderful women who have been a part of their household for 10+ years -- first as nannies for their children, then as more of a driver/cook/household manager/housekeeper as the children aged. They are respected members of the family who play such a critical, and evolving, role for the family. How do I find that?

You've gotten some good ideas from other posters regarding how you might screen for what you want. I will say that there is also a great deal of luck when looking for a very long term nanny.

We have such a nanny. She has been with us since my DD's birth (DD is now 6). When we were interviewing nannies, we were most concerned about infant experience. We figured if we could get two years out of the relationship, we would be happy and ready to move on to a nanny who preferred toddlers. Our nanny was young, with only two other jobs under her belt, but she wanted to work with infants and had future plans for grad school. Over the years, things changed. She found she liked working with our DD through different stages and when the job changed to an after school position, she decided that was time to go to school PT and stay on with us.

We are thrilled. We've worked hard on all the issues involved in this relationship...mutual respect, good communication, trust, and appreciation. Whenever we have an issue (which is fairly rare now because we all know each other well), we work on it. Our nanny is a partner is raising our DD. That said, it was a good deal of luck that she wanted to stay as the job changed and her life plans fit nicely with our job. We also got lucky that she enjoys, and works hard at, growing with our DD and working with older kids, which she didn't expect to like.