"Right of first refusal"

[Anonymous]

Just curious if you do this for babysitting and, if so, what do you pay your AP?

We have two overnight babysitters that we use for travel and have used for the very rare occaison that we couldn't adjust our APs' schedule to fit in the evening obligation and stay within the 45 hours. We were hoping to start making an effort to get out more, but we regularly use the full 45 hours a week.

Wondering if we would be either annoying our AP because she is missing out on extra cash if we didn't ask her or, conversely, that she would feel obligated to say yes if we asked.

Our current AP has only been with us 2.5 months so, while we do have a good relationship, I think it is still in the building stage.

TIA

[Anonymous]

Since the rules state that the AP can't work more than the 45 hours, even if paid extra for it, I don't offer babysitting gigs to our AP.

There was one week when we needed extra coverage, I lined up a sitter, and the sitter canceled at the last minute. So I rushed home as soon as I could reasonably leave work, but that meant the AP working 47 hours that week. I didn't plan for that to happen and hope for it not to happen again, but I paid her extra at the babysitting rate I would have offered.

[Anonymous]

I have done this with my Au Pairs- never any pressure. I have paid $15, because I have 4 kids, but other HMs in my town pay $12. My AP actually approached me about working more hours for pay. Most of the APs in my town like to work extra, so they can save up money for weekend trips and other travel. My AP saw 13 states during her 2 years with us, that gets expensive.
It is a mutually beneficial relationship.

[Anonymous]

Omg my HM was paying me $8 an hour extra I was getting ripped off!
And I think you should just ask her but tell her she doesn't have to say yes and tell her you're happy to get a sitter if that's better for her
Most fellow au pairs that I know would do this occasionally and would do it regularly if it was during the week and didn't take half her weekend away!

[Anonymous]

I offer my AP first right of refusal. I pay $10/hr ( same rate I pay a neighbor ). There is no pressure. One way or the other I'm going out and paying. She often accepts...especially since I don't mind her having a friend or two over after she puts the kids down.

[Anonymous]

I wouldn't do it with this particular au pair unless there was some kind of an emergency. She really isn't that great with the kids unless I give her a lot of instructions, and even still would likely watch a movie with them and put them to bed early, wouldn't take care of them while I was getting ready to go out, etc. If I am going to be paying regular babysitting rates, I would prefer to have a regular babysitter.

[Anonymous]

It's illegal.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It's illegal.

that's clearly a mere detail that is lost on many of the HMs above.

[Anonymous]

Tons of illegal things going on in this "cultural exchange" business.
No one much cares, right?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Tons of illegal things going on in this "cultural exchange" business.
No one much cares, right?

Not really. I'd rather pay an AP and give her the money than have her resentful that someone else is getting the cheese. Many APs babysit for non host families to make extra money. No big deal.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Tons of illegal things going on in this "cultural exchange" business.
No one much cares, right?

Not really. I'd rather pay an AP and give her the money than have her resentful that someone else is getting the cheese. Many APs babysit for non host families to make extra money. No big deal.

Also, I don't know anyone who pays their occasional, weekend night babysitter on the books. What's the difference? Both are not following the law.

[Anonymous]

I pay $12 and hour and explicitly tell the au pair that she gets first right of refusal but that it is ALWAYS an option. Actually, I first begin with a conversation along the lines of: I know this is technically against the rules but I've always offered it, my APs have always loved it and I even boldly once ran it by an LCC (with whom I had a great relationship) and LCC even said she doesn't care but can't get involved in it in any way. In this conversation I explain that if the AP is interested I'll let her know when opportunities arrive and that I want her to know for CERTAIN that I have other sitters I can use when necessary and that I don't ever want her to take extra hours she doesn't want but that I'd rather offer them to her first if she does. And then explain that I'm not thinking of any times in particular but when/if those opportunities arise would you like me to offer it to you or do you only want to stay within the official hours. Every single time, so far, the response was an enthusiastic "yes, I'd like the opportunity when there are extra hours." and after that I reiterate, "ok, and I just want you to promise that you'll always tell me if there are extra hours I offer that you prefer not to work."

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Tons of illegal things going on in this "cultural exchange" business.
No one much cares, right?

Not really. I'd rather pay an AP and give her the money than have her resentful that someone else is getting the cheese. Many APs babysit for non host families to make extra money. No big deal.

Also, I don't know anyone who pays their occasional, weekend night babysitter on the books. What's the difference? Both are not following the law.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Tons of illegal things going on in this "cultural exchange" business.
No one much cares, right?

Not really. I'd rather pay an AP and give her the money than have her resentful that someone else is getting the cheese. Many APs babysit for non host families to make extra money. No big deal.

Also, I don't know anyone who pays their occasional, weekend night babysitter on the books. What's the difference? Both are not following the law.

Actually, you only have to pay your PT babysitter on the books if you hit $1300/year. Also, by employing someone without a work permit, you're committing a tax offense (assuming you don't pay her on the books, since your arrangement is illegal) and a separate criminal offense since she -- unlike your PT babysitter (hopefully) isn't legally allowed to work.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Tons of illegal things going on in this "cultural exchange" business.
No one much cares, right?

Not really. I'd rather pay an AP and give her the money than have her resentful that someone else is getting the cheese. Many APs babysit for non host families to make extra money. No big deal.

Also, I don't know anyone who pays their occasional, weekend night babysitter on the books. What's the difference? Both are not following the law.

Actually, you only have to pay your PT babysitter on the books if you hit $1300/year. Also, by employing someone without a work permit, you're committing a tax offense (assuming you don't pay her on the books, since your arrangement is illegal) and a separate criminal offense since she -- unlike your PT babysitter (hopefully) isn't legally allowed to work.

Oh wow. How terrifying.