Starting preschool - what to do about our wonderful nanny?

[Anonymous]

Our twin boys are starting preschool in the fall. Since they were babies (they're now 2.5), we have had a FT nanny whom we absolutely love.

However, we cannot figure out a way to keep our nanny once we put the kids in preschool, and it is killing me. Preschool will be either three or five mornings a week. Our nanny needs a full-time job, so just cutting her hours doesn't seem realistic; and even if we could repurpose the hours -- or pay her for off-time just to keep her -- we can't afford to pay for both a FT nanny and preschool tuition. Nor does it seem to make sense to try keeping her for afternoons and hoping she could get a morning job, because there are LOTS of days when there is no preschool for one reason or another and so we'd need all-day care on those.

We are coming to the conclusion that an au pair is the only practical solution, even though neither of us really loves the idea of having someone live with us. We have started that process, but are having trouble moving forward because we feel so depressed and guilty about letting our nanny go. (I understand that it isn't the end of the world, and that she'll find another job -- and that moving on is inherent in the nanny profession -- but it still feels like we are deceiving her.)

Any thoughts, or words to make us feel better?

[Anonymous]

It is going to be a very difficult transition for your children - to be starting preschool and a new nanny. That's rough.

[Anonymous]

Having an au pair was living hell for us. Good luck, OP.

[Anonymous]

Can you afford 3 days/week preschool and the nanny's salary? Your kids are still young, they don't need to be in school everyday. Nanny can do laundry, errands, light housekeeping, while the kids are in school those mornings. Will be helpful to still have nanny around for school holidays, school breaks, sick or snow days.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Having an au pair was living hell for us. Good luck, OP.

+ 1 It was horrible for us, too. Worst decision we ever made and it really upset our kids.


But you have already decided, OP, so what do you want us to say? A good nanny is worth her weight in gold. You should find a way to keep her. For your sake and sanity as well as for your kids.

[Anonymous]

If you are set in your decision make sure you give your nanny ample notice a minimum of 4 weeks and provide her with a letter of recommendation.
If you are able and she is agreeable you can spread the word that she's looking.

Realize that this is going to be a tough transition.
I would suggest you hire a part-time nanny/ sitter over an au pair.

An au pair is a transition on it's own. I would hold on the au pair until your kids are older maybe around 7 . They'll benefit more from it at that time.

As for the relationship invite her over for dinner, birthday parties etc.

Let her offer babysitting.

[Anonymous]

You sound like a very considerate, loving and loyal family to work for OP and your nanny is quite blessed to have had you for the many years that she has.

But like you stated, moving on is par for the course in this profession. It just is.

You simply have no choice but to let her go. Do so gracefully however. Give her as much heads-up as you can and make sure you spread the word to other parents on what a great nanny she is. Also, offer to write an excellent letter of recommendation for her as well as offer a glowing reference for her if she needs you as a reference for future potential employers.

As for you, you do not have to let her go completely. She can choose to leave completely and seek a full-time position which should be her choice and let her know if she chooses this, there will be no awkward feelings involved and that you will totally understand. However, also offer her the option of part-time afternoon hours if she is willing to look for a mornings only position.

For those mornings when your children will not be attending preschool however, you will need to secure either a separate daycare provider or a back-up nanny for those days.

Talk the situation over with your current nanny, see how she feels and discuss together what works for both sides and see what you can all come up with.

[Anonymous]

I would rethink the au pair solution if I were you. You might get lucky, but it is doubtful that you'll get a girl (and they are girls) with twin experience who won't melt down on you. Handling twins is a HUGE responsibility and your kids are just toddlers! There is a learning curve to even getting two toddlers into the car safely.

My advice is to keep the nanny you have (and love) and find a way to make it work. It will only be for another couple of years.

[Anonymous]

I have only ever had twins (B/G in my case) so I didn't realize what a "leaning curve" it was to handle two at the same time, especially when they were in their horrible threes. We had a nanny who was with them since birth, so she (like me) learned gradually.

Then one night when nanny was on vacation we got a highly recommended babysitter. DD was outside in the cold before the sitter realized he wasn't right next to her while she was dealing with a meltdown from DD. DS was okay, but he easily could have taken off and froze to death.

As the mother of twins, my advice would be to find a way to keep your nanny until your twins are in K. And there is always a way.

[Anonymous]

OP here. Thank you for the feedback ... My question is, what IS the way to keep our nanny? If we kept her in the afternoons, for example, is there such a thing as random backup care for the mornings when there's no preschool?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here. Thank you for the feedback ... My question is, what IS the way to keep our nanny? If we kept her in the afternoons, for example, is there such a thing as random backup care for the mornings when there's no preschool?

The only option is to keep her at close to her regular hours and have her do all child-related chores while the kids are in preschool. That way her time can be devoted to them full-time when she is with them in the afternoons.

Our nanny also offered us weekend/night babysitting hours to cover some of the lost morning hours.

With two kids, first starting preschool, you cannot imagine how many times they will be out sick with colds and fevers. It would be a foolish economy in my book to let the nanny go now and have to scramble the 12 times a school year (6 times per kid on average) one of your kids is sick or just has a fever and cannot return to school until 24 hours past when the fever is gone. And wait until you and DH start getting everything they bring home!

[Anonymous]

Are you set on the preschool? Could you find a less expensive option?

At 4, they will be much easier. I would be fine handing 4yo twins to an AP. So it's really just this year that you need to address.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here. Thank you for the feedback ... My question is, what IS the way to keep our nanny? If we kept her in the afternoons, for example, is there such a thing as random backup care for the mornings when there's no preschool?

You basically keep paying her for the hours your kids are in school. I would gladly give up "luxuries" like cable, netflix, dinners' out, etc to keep a good nanny for even one child much less twins.


My sister did the au pair route and lived to regret it. Even the au pair people say it is best not to use an au pair for kids younger than elementary school.

[Anonymous]

If your kids preschool is part-time, mornings only, and closed for winter break, spring break, summer break, religious holidays, snow days, and staff development days, then really look at the math & logistics of not having a nanny available to cover for you on those mornings. Every time your preschool is closed, if you don't have a nanny on retainer or an au pair on hand, you or your husband will have to take the morning off. We have our 3 year old in a preschool attached to a real school, so they're not open year round and there are so many days off that I could use up all my leave & then some just covering for days when preschool is not in session. Ask yourself if you really can afford to not have coverage in the mornings.

In terms of how to afford both, a lot of part time preschools are super cheap - I'm surprised it's eating into your budget so much that you're thinking of dropping your awesome nanny. Some are just 3k/year. The local rec centers off part time preschool even at 1.5k/year. There are also co-op preschools, which I realize also eat into your leave, but some have the option of helping out with things outside of the classroom instead and if you split it evenly with your husband, perhaps you'd only need to take a half day even other month to accommodate a co-op and that's less leave than if you had to cover every preschool closing without a nanny.

[Anonymous]

Why not find a full-time preschool with less nonsense like spring break, winter break and staff development days? Our preschool doesn't have any of those breaks, and they have enough teachers to send them to development activities without disturbing their schedule.