Overscheduled charge

[Anonymous]

I've been with my nanny family 18 months and within the last 6 months they've been really overscheduling their 7 year old daughter. She has dance class for 3 hours until late at night 2 days/week and 2 hours of dance 1 day/week plus she goes to church classes every week for 1 hour. She is constantly tired, whiny, emotional, crying over nothing and stressed out. She falls asleep in the car when we've only been driving 5 minutes. I've mentioned this to the parents and have even told them I think she needs more sleep. They agree but nothing changes. They don't make her go to bed early because she's normally out until 7pm most days during the week. By the time she has dinner and takes a shower it's 8pm bed time and she's usually in tears at that point. Would it be overstepping my bounds to tell the parents I think she is completely overscheduled and should cut back on the extra activities? I feel like my charge is becoming unmanageable because she's so tired all the time. It just breaks my heart. If I do bring it up, what would be the best way to get a favorable outcome? Thanks in advance.

[Anonymous]

Can she have a sandwich or manageable dinner in the car on the way home? Then she go straight home and have a shower.
If she is doing dance and thats how long the classes/practices are, thats not going to change. The only way it will change is if she doesnt want to do it anymore.

[Anonymous]

Is she your only charge, OP? And why do they have her is such long dance classes?

[Anonymous]

Give up on these selfish parents, and get some new employers who care about their child.

[Anonymous]

I used to have a dance schedule like this 4-5 days a week, though the really long hours didn't start until high school (classes went until 10pm some nights).

I always ate before I went. There's enough warm-up time to let the food settle.

If they don't want to reduce the activity load, I would suggest feeding her "dinner" (or whatever is appropriate for wherever you would have to feed her -- car, home, dance school, restaurant) right after school, and then giving her a small snack before bed.

[Anonymous]

Her parents are usually the ones that pick her up and they don't allow eating in the car. I always fix her a meal before dance class but dancing for 3 hours is a lot so she's always really hungry again when she comes home. They could easily cut back even one of the classes and then she'd only have to be there 1 1/2 hours instead of 3. She really likes dance, but at 7 she doesn't need this much practice or stress. I was not the one that signed her up for this much dance, her parents did. And this isn't my only charge, as I have 3 others.

So no one thinks I should try talking to the parents about this? They've been receptive when I've brought this up, but nothing has changed. That's why I wanted to talk with them directly about this.

[Anonymous]

This is a great way to make your child absolutely hate extra curricular activities. Once she has the choice I bet she will quit dance.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Her parents are usually the ones that pick her up and they don't allow eating in the car. I always fix her a meal before dance class but dancing for 3 hours is a lot so she's always really hungry again when she comes home. They could easily cut back even one of the classes and then she'd only have to be there 1 1/2 hours instead of 3. She really likes dance, but at 7 she doesn't need this much practice or stress. I was not the one that signed her up for this much dance, her parents did. And this isn't my only charge, as I have 3 others.

So no one thinks I should try talking to the parents about this? They've been receptive when I've brought this up, but nothing has changed. That's why I wanted to talk with them directly about this.

I wouldn't say anything unless directly asked. I might mention how tired she seems. As a nanny I try to not over step. I try and let the parents parent. I'm just an extra set of hands.

[Anonymous]

I did competitive dance from age 7 to age 13. Those are common hours for dancers who are serious. And I was often cranky but it was worth it because I loved dancing. If they are serious about her dancing then they are not going to want to cut her hours.

I think the best option would be to talk to them and let them know you have noticed a change in her behavior since the schedule got more cramped. Ask about eating on the way to dance. Tell them you know they don't want her eating in the car but you could give her things that aren't super messy. Plus eating before her classes is going to help with her performance and her mood.

I work with a 7 year old who has tantrums. Every time he has one it is on a day where he skipped lunch or didn't eat much. Children that age need to eat or they just fall apart. Now I toss him a granola bar as soon as I pick him up and then feed him as soon as we get home and it helps keep him from getting cranky.

[Anonymous]

This child needs an advocate OP and you can do your best to be hers, however at the end of the day it is ultimately up to her parents to make any and ALL decisions for this poor little girl and unfortunately it is entirely out of your hands.

I am not sure of the type of personalities that the parents have. Are they the easy-going type who are approachable and may be open minded to what you have to say? Or are they more stubborn in nature and regard you, their nanny as someone who is simply disposable?

If they are the former, I would gently and diplomatically tell them that she seems a little overwhelmed by her extra-curricular activities and that you see her mood affected negatively by it and wonder if perhaps minimizing one or two may help her mood.

If they are the latter however, you may put your job in jeopardy by bringing up the subject altogether as I know some parents are just set in their ways and do not welcome "unsolicited" parenting advice.

Your charge is truly blessed to have such a caring and engaged nanny as yourself in her life. Hopefully things will turn in her favor.

Please let us know how it goes.

[Anonymous]

How do you know she falls asleep in the car after 5 minutes if her parents pick her up?

[Anonymous]

I always feed her a big snack when she gets home. Usually she'll have a on&j sandwich, fruit or a veggie and then I pack her a snack for while she's at dance for in between classes. I think I'll talk to them about having her eat a snack on the way home too.

They are generally pretty receptive to things I suggest, but I know the mom is the one pushing her daughter to dance so much. My poor charge rarely complains about having so much dancing but she's never excited to go anymore either. I think I'll stick with talking to them about the fact that she needs more sleep and see what they say.

And I know she falls asleep in the car in 5 minutes on the way to dance because I'm the one driving her. And I know she does the same on the way home because I'm still at their place when she gets home asleep because I need to watch the other siblings.