DBs 15-year-old son makes me ridiculously uncomfortable.

[Anonymous]

DB has a 15-year-old son from a previous relationship. I've been with NF for about 9 months and this is the first time I've met DS. He lived with his grandparents, but got kicked out of school and now lives with NF.

He makes me so uncomfortable, so many red flags with this kid. I've casually mentioned some things to MB in passing, but I really don't know how to approach DB (I don't see him often, we aren't close).

His son has made inappropriate comments to me and his younger sisters (2&5). I've seen him act semi-violently towards the cats. He has an explosive temper, and has put holes in his bedroom wall (thankfully when I wasn't there).

Mostly my gut just tells me he is unpredictable and possibly dangerous. He is about 5 inches taller than me and probably has 80 pounds on me. I do not feel safe when he is home. I don't feel like my charges are safe.

I feel for him, because I know he has had a hard life but in the end my NK safety is number 1, as is mine.

I don't know how, or even if I should, address the issues with DB. There is already a lot of tension between DB/MB because he is moving in and his behavior.

What do you suggest I do?

[Anonymous]

be honest and tell them you don't feel safe and then guage their response and act accordingly. That's all you can do.

[Anonymous]

I worked with a family for almost three years; my main responsibility was their youngest, a newborn when I began, but their family included three older kids from a previous marriage; when I started they were 12(female), 14(male) and 19(male). The younger teens weren't so much of a problem (although the younger boy was always bringing girls into his room, which his parents allowed with the door open, but then as soon as I went downstairs to fix dinner, assist sister with homework, etc he'd shut the door). The older boy, however, had serious issues. When I first started he lived in the basement, but a few months later got kicked out (I'm still not sure what exactly he did but I'm quite sure it was pretty bad).

However, even after he moved out, he kept coming back, frequently, and he was so shady, always acting so weird. He wouldn't ever look me in the eyes, even though I tried to be cordial and nice to him. He would usually stay very briefly; always just "picking something up," etc. MB came home early once and he was there and she yelled at him and accused him of stealing her things.

I told MB I felt uncomfortable with him being there, especially since he didn't live there anymore, and she told me that since he was her son she didn't think it was "fair" to tell him that he wasn't allowed in her home or to see his siblings. She assured me she would talk to him (about being nicer, respecting me, etc), but things never improved.

A couple months later, he went through my purse and stole some personal items from me, including an iPod nano and $40 cash. After that incident, MB told him he wasn't allowed over if she wasn't present (and she did give me an extra $40 to cover what he stole but she never compensated me for the iPod or anything else he took). I still ended up seeing him more than I wanted to (MB sometimes worked from home and he seemed to come over every time she did), and he was so creepy and rude and straight up mean to me. He threatened me with putting sugar in my gas tank once even. It never got better until I quit.

The point is, there isn't much you can do :/ it's a shame but if things get worse you might just need to quit.

[Anonymous]

I don't get all your acronyms. Please explain. Who is db, me, and nb?

[Anonymous]

Db = dad boss
mb = mom boss

[Anonymous]

It's his son. I wouldn't say anything to db. When he is there be very vigilant of your belongings and of your charges.

[Anonymous]

I'd find a new job. You should not work in a place where you are ever afraid.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'd find a new job. You should not work in a place where you are ever afraid.

It's a great job despite the situation. I'd rather try to mend the change than just leave.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It's his son. I wouldn't say anything to db. When he is there be very vigilant of your belongings and of your charges.

Should I be more upfront with MB?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It's his son. I wouldn't say anything to db. When he is there be very vigilant of your belongings and of your charges.

Should I be more upfront with MB?

Yes, yes, yes. Make an appointment to speak with her in private, face to face without the kids. It can be a coffee place. See how see responds. Then give it a week before you make plans to get out of there.

If anything happens while you're there, they can hold you legally responsible. Listen to your gut on this one, not your heart. GL, OP.

[Anonymous]

Express your concerns to MB who will be much less defensive than DB would be. This is an issue that must be discussed for the safety of your charges. (hurting animals is in the triad of sociopathy).

[Anonymous]

How soon can mb meet with you? Please don't wait for something terrible to happen. I know how hard this is.

[Anonymous]

lDK if going to MB is a good idea, while she may be more open it sounds like they are already fighting over this issue. If you give MB more fuel against DB without talking to him first it may cause another set of issues. So my advice is, while it may be a little uncomfortable at first prepare what you what to say and talk with DB first.

[Anonymous]

Update?

[Anonymous]

He is a son and step son, you are the help. He, the son, is important to them and you are not. They will do nothing and you should have raised hell when he stole grom you. Things will only get worse, not better.