Not cut out for being host family...

[Anonymous]

I just think I'm not cut out for it. I get upset when they use their phones all the time, fail to clean up despite being told over and over. I'm envious of their days off and get annoyed when they spend it at home when I have my kids. I feel that they are judging me when I let them play wii while I rest. I'm envious when they can go to the gym when I can't. Our out with friends. I'm a single mom and when I get home I'm on with my jids. I can't use more hours to goto the gym or don't have a husband to split weekend duty so resentment builds.

I just don't have any alternatives to it. Nannies are too expensive for my budget and babysitters are too unreliable. SACC is full and I have no othere options.

Anyone else feel this way and how you got over it? My current au pair is really good and I like her and how she is doing despite the little things that drive me crazy. I know to pick my battles.

Sorry just venting and don't know what else to do. Dad is not in the picture to help.

[Anonymous]

What about a nanny share? Less expensive than a nanny.

[Anonymous]

Hugs to you, OP. Parenting is the hardest job there is. Is there any way to connect with other nearby families that you could 'trade' childcare? It'd take time to find a good match, but it can be a good solution for both families. I did it when my child was younger. You can meet people at local parks and playgrounds.

[Anonymous]

You need more help. Try to get a Jr. High mother's helper during the week or on weekends, to give you a couple hours break occasionally. Being a single working mom is so hard.

I have a husband but we both work full-time and have 4 kids, including 2yo twins who are tearing up our house daily. It is exhausting to be "on" from 5:30am to 9pm daily with no break. We just collapse in bed nightly.

My lovely mom babysits one day/week, while the AP works 4 10 hour days, and that just covers our work time. I too am looking for a mother's helper, so that I can actually give my kids some attention, instead of just cooking, cleaning, bathing, laundering, etc while I am home.

I know it will get better in a couple years when they are old enough to help with chores, and why my twins stop destroying my house. Hang in there.

[Anonymous]

I just posted at 14:08
One more thing- as exhausted as you are, don't take it out on AP. She is a young woman doing a great job for us- she entitled to her time off, her outings, her American experience. We chose to have our kids- we are stuck with the 16 hour non-stop days raising them. I just think I am lucky to be able to afford an AP. Some poor mothers have to stick their kids in daycare 12+ hours/day just so they can work 2 jobs to feed everyone. It can always be much worse than we have it. I am thankful for my 4 healthy, active children and my job that feeds them.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Hugs to you, OP. Parenting is the hardest job there is. Is there any way to connect with other nearby families that you could 'trade' childcare? It'd take time to find a good match, but it can be a good solution for both families. I did it when my child was younger. You can meet people at local parks and playgrounds.

Hugs to her? She is crazy. Hugs the unfortunate AP.

[Anonymous]

if your kids are in school full time and you are working days, you should still have time to live a little for yourself. That's the boat I'm in and while there are days that are long, between me and my AP, we get it all done. AP works from 6am (on gym days) or 7 am until 8:30 (school drop off) and then from 4 pm (school pick up) until 7 or 9 pm (depending on activities/driving). At the longest it's only 7.5 hours times 5 days a week = 37.5 hours. This leaves you plenty of hours on a couple Saturdays a month to go out for a movie or dinner with friends, join a book club or take up a small hobby.

Rethink her schedule and yours, you may find a way to make it work...

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Hugs to you, OP. Parenting is the hardest job there is. Is there any way to connect with other nearby families that you could 'trade' childcare? It'd take time to find a good match, but it can be a good solution for both families. I did it when my child was younger. You can meet people at local parks and playgrounds.

Hugs to her? She is crazy. Hugs the unfortunate AP.

Ok, hugs to them all. Being a single parent on your own is tough. If you've done it, you'd know. I don't wish it on any parent, or especially on an innocent child who gets dealt a bad hand of cards. Not that having your two parents in the home is always easy. It's not.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:if your kids are in school full time and you are working days, you should still have time to live a little for yourself. That's the boat I'm in and while there are days that are long, between me and my AP, we get it all done. AP works from 6am (on gym days) or 7 am until 8:30 (school drop off) and then from 4 pm (school pick up) until 7 or 9 pm (depending on activities/driving). At the longest it's only 7.5 hours times 5 days a week = 37.5 hours. This leaves you plenty of hours on a couple Saturdays a month to go out for a movie or dinner with friends, join a book club or take up a small hobby.

Rethink her schedule and yours, you may find a way to make it work...

Working until 9pm 5 nights per week AND 2 Saturday nights every month!!!
Lucky AP!!!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Hugs to you, OP. Parenting is the hardest job there is. Is there any way to connect with other nearby families that you could 'trade' childcare? It'd take time to find a good match, but it can be a good solution for both families. I did it when my child was younger. You can meet people at local parks and playgrounds.

Hugs to her? She is crazy. Hugs the unfortunate AP.

Ok, hugs to them all. Being a single parent on your own is tough. If you've done it, you'd know. I don't wish it on any parent, or especially on an innocent child who gets dealt a bad hand of cards. Not that having your two parents in the home is always easy. It's not.

Being a single parent is a choice, albeit, a stupid choice, nut still a choice.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Hugs to you, OP. Parenting is the hardest job there is. Is there any way to connect with other nearby families that you could 'trade' childcare? It'd take time to find a good match, but it can be a good solution for both families. I did it when my child was younger. You can meet people at local parks and playgrounds.

Hugs to her? She is crazy. Hugs the unfortunate AP.

Ok, hugs to them all. Being a single parent on your own is tough. If you've done it, you'd know. I don't wish it on any parent, or especially on an innocent child who gets dealt a bad hand of cards. Not that having your two parents in the home is always easy. It's not.

Being a single parent is a choice, albeit, a stupid choice, nut still a choice.

OP Here.

I didn't choose for my ex to cheat on me when I was 8 months pregnant.
I didn't choose for him to beat me and my kids up (physically abuse me and my children) and threaten to kill us...

Yes, I chose to be a single parent. But I chose life and safety for my children.

Please hold your tongue which you know nothing about.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I just think I'm not cut out for it. I get upset when they use their phones all the time, fail to clean up despite being told over and over. I'm envious of their days off and get annoyed when they spend it at home when I have my kids. I feel that they are judging me when I let them play wii while I rest. I'm envious when they can go to the gym when I can't. Our out with friends. I'm a single mom and when I get home I'm on with my jids. I can't use more hours to goto the gym or don't have a husband to split weekend duty so resentment builds.

I just don't have any alternatives to it. Nannies are too expensive for my budget and babysitters are too unreliable. SACC is full and I have no othere options.

Anyone else feel this way and how you got over it? My current au pair is really good and I like her and how she is doing despite the little things that drive me crazy. I know to pick my battles.

Sorry just venting and don't know what else to do. Dad is not in the picture to help.

That is the difference of having children and having a job caring for children - as with any job you get time off while having children of your own is a 24/7 responsibility.

It's one thing to be upset when AP is constantly on her phone or doesn't clean (if that's not a battle you want to pick that is your choice) but being upset because they are at home during their time off from work (as you are... just that you can walk out of your workplace and have a change of scenery) OR are not at home during their time off (meaning whatever they do upsets you...) is something you should work on. Being a single parent obviously was the right choice for you (as it was for my mother) but it is not your AP's fault. The AP is there to support you. And unless you don't allow your children playing wii while AP is on duty it is unlikely your AP really is judging you. You feel judged because you are not fulfilling your own expectations of what you think how you should be spending time with your children. But it's okay. You are the parent. Your sanity is important. It's not neglect if your kids play wii for an hour while you are resting. If it's the wii playing that bothers you make them read or draw or play outside but it's really not necessary to schedule every second of a child's day to be a good parent. Children are allowed to do things without mom or AP doing it with them. Children are also allowed to be bored.
Now, if you feel your AP is judging you because she is supposed to keep your kids active and engaged without playing wii or watching tv or being bored for a second that would be a different story. In that case she might be judging you because your expectations are so different to what you model. In that case it's probably best to sit AP down and talk to her. You need time to relax to function and you can only relax while the kids are around (can you schedule an earlier bedtime for more time to relax at night?) because you have no choice. Any reasonably intelligent AP should be able to get that.

Can you split AP's hours up differently? If your children are school-aged (based on SACC being full I assume they are) can you have her cover gym time or girls night out by giving her time off another day? If she is off during the day while the kids are at school you should be able to have her work late one night a week (or one night every other week) without going over 10 hours. Could you add any weekend hours she might be working to the weekdays and give her weekends off (arranging playdates for the kids or getting a babysitter or taking over childcare duties yourself). While I can see the sarcasm in 01/11/2015 00:34 (and kind of agree to it) one long day to give you a bit of me time any AP that matches with a single parent family should be able to understand.

Could you get a babysitter in addition to the AP? Even an unreliable babysitter for one night a week will be better than nothing. If that's something you can afford.

Are they old enough for sleepovers? Talk to their best friends' parents and see if they are willing (or able) to take them off your hands maybe one Saturday night a month. My mom and her best friend (both single moms) used to to that with us. One Saturday a month I would sleep over at my mom's friend's place, one Saturday a month their daughter would sleep over at our place.

Can you schedule regular playdates for your kids? On the weekends or one afternoon a week (to give you your AP more free time that she can add elsewhere to provide free time for you)?

Anything you do to arrange for more me-time for you will require you to rely on others and to pull in favors you might not be able to repay (and time soon) but if it helps you to stay sane...

[Anonymous]

To 17:44......

Being a single parent is not always a choice. That is a hurtful statement to any hardworking single mother. Sometimes women are widows, or have been abandoned, or have husbands who serve overseas.

To this Mother- it sounds like you also have a lot of resentment towards your Au Pair and it may be helpful for you to talk to someone about that. I am speaking from experience- you have to let go of the fact that you have no life because you are solely responsible for your kids. It sucks, yes. But it will not be forever and you will miss them when they don't need you as much. Once you have acceptance you will enjoy your time with them so much more. I hope life gets better for you.