MB's - Do you not trust your nanny if you do a trial/shadow day?

[Anonymous]

I've seen this becoming an increasing trend with many first time parents. Many have had their nannies come for a day or two they go back to work. Normally they are already hired and they spend time with the mother and baby seeing how the days goes. Others spend time at home and then run errands.

I have always wondered why have " shadow days" if you hired this person. Presumably she is well experienced and recommended in her field, and you must trust her if she was hired. So what are the reasons? Time to bond with the baby, more peace of mind when going back, etc.? Or do you only do this when you have doubt in the nanny?

I am a nanny who has done this with almost every family ( 5 out of 8). I have 7 years nanny experience with infants and I'm very highly recommended. Most of the time the mothers were in and out or in the background while I interacted. I've always had parents say they had the upmost confidence when hiring me and how he knew their child would be well cared for.

So from a MBs perspective, tell us why?

[Anonymous]

I am a 4th time mom and just did my first trial days (two weekends because she had another weekday job). We got this nanny through an agency, too.

I did it because I needed to *know,* not just assume based on her answers at an interview and what her references said, that she could handle all of our kids and their mix of ages for an 8-hour day. I have also had a couple of nannies who really could not separate their personal and professional lives, and I wanted to see how we interacted.

So, she was hired contingent on those trial days.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I am a 4th time mom and just did my first trial days (two weekends because she had another weekday job). We got this nanny through an agency, too.

I did it because I needed to *know,* not just assume based on her answers at an interview and what her references said, that she could handle all of our kids and their mix of ages for an 8-hour day. I have also had a couple of nannies who really could not separate their personal and professional lives, and I wanted to see how we interacted.

So, she was hired contingent on those trial days.

In my cases I had the job and already signed a contract. We did 1 day or two half days the week before the mom went back to work. I understand that its not easy to leave a 3 month period, especially leaving them for 9-11 hours a day with a stranger. Is it to gain a peace of mind?

I've always been given great feedback from the parents and never had an issue. They all said they knew I was their nanny from the moment they interviewed. I'm just curious if they trusted me so much would they have me do a shadow day?

[Anonymous]

Assimilate the kid to a new person.
Teach the layout of house, appliances, basic house rules.
Test out walking and driving routes.

Everyone we know do it with their full time and partine nannies or after school help.

[Anonymous]

You may know how to burp a baby, but you don't yet know how MY baby likes to be burped. You may know when to clean spit-up off an outfit and when to give up and change the outfit, but you don't know where the shirts are kept. You don't yet know that my baby likes to look out the living room window while taking a bottle. Or that the dog will be stressed out if the baby is screaming but here's how to calm the dog.

There are too many little things like that to write out.
You may know to clean up but you may not know how *I* like things cleaned.

[Anonymous]

I found the references most helpful, and the cameras in the house. But I found my nanny via references, not a site where she gave me canned references.

Overlapping the first couple days is quite standard. You dont just let someone loose in your house with no introduction or instructing.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You may know how to burp a baby, but you don't yet know how MY baby likes to be burped. You may know when to clean spit-up off an outfit and when to give up and change the outfit, but you don't know where the shirts are kept. You don't yet know that my baby likes to look out the living room window while taking a bottle. Or that the dog will be stressed out if the baby is screaming but here's how to calm the dog.

There are too many little things like that to write out.
You may know to clean up but you may not know how *I* like things cleaned.

This is definitely what I figured. After seeing the comment by a poster on another topic, I was curious. She posted why would a nanny have to shadow and assumed it was due to inexperience. That is why I asked.

Personally I like shadowing for day. It's gives the mom and an extra peace of mind to see that I'm very interactive, how I handle a crying child, etc. Every baby is different and likes to be held a certain way, rocked to sleep a certain way, some hate the swing while others love, etc. It makes me feel better when the mothers are a little more confident that I am giving 100% and taking great care of their child. I've noticed that the families I did not shadow with were the moms who called and texted excessively the first couple of days. The families I had shadowed with were the moms who texted once a day or not at all. They seemed very confident with me caring for their child. That's what I strive for.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I am a 4th time mom and just did my first trial days (two weekends because she had another weekday job). We got this nanny through an agency, too.

I did it because I needed to *know,* not just assume based on her answers at an interview and what her references said, that she could handle all of our kids and their mix of ages for an 8-hour day. I have also had a couple of nannies who really could not separate their personal and professional lives, and I wanted to see how we interacted.

So, she was hired contingent on those trial days.

Hmm...I would be okay doing the trial days, but I would hope that you would understand that I wouldn't be giving notice until after you extended a full and true offer. This means many nannies would still not be available for another 30 days. Do you give them enough time to do that?

[Anonymous]

I would not be comfortable to take a position without a shadow day, especially with kids who don't speak yet. How will I know which teddy bear works best and where extra toilet paper is? A shadow day lets me learn all the little details about the job, the house, the NF style, particular house rules and the children. The NF it gives the confidence that they have left me with all the relevant information and had me watch how they do things so I can continue in their style. And it gives both sides a chance to get to know each other a little bit better and see each other in action.

Though I would probably differentiate trial days and shadow days. Shadow day is my first day of work and I'm already hired. Trial day is when I come in somewhere after a successful interview but before being offered the position and spend some time with the kids to see if we click, etc.

[Anonymous]

As a nanny, I wouldn't take a job without a trial period of at least a week.

The parents need to get to know and trust me, and I need to get to know and trust the parents.

Why would you expect parents to trust their child with someone they just met? Even if you have glowing references.

I'd find it odd if their wasn't trial period.

[Anonymous]

I am a nanny and I think it makes perfect sense for everyone involved to have a day or two of shadowing.

For the mother it allows her to transition slowly from her child, and to watch her child interact with the new nanny and for her to see how the two relate to each other. Also, she gets to be around in case the nanny has any questions or concerns for her.

For the nanny it gives her a chance to act out a typical day and bond with the child, yet at the same time allow the child to have both the nanny and the mother there so he/she can transition from one to the other smoothly.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I am a nanny and I think it makes perfect sense for everyone involved to have a day or two of shadowing.

For the mother it allows her to transition slowly from her child, and to watch her child interact with the new nanny and for her to see how the two relate to each other. Also, she gets to be around in case the nanny has any questions or concerns for her.

For the nanny it gives her a chance to act out a typical day and bond with the child, yet at the same time allow the child to have both the nanny and the mother there so he/she can transition from one to the other smoothly.

I totally agree and I'm an MB. Overlapping a bit is as much about learning the rhythms of the house, scheduling, where everything is located, establishing a communication style between parents and nanny, etc... as it is about any very specific baby care task.

[Anonymous]

I've been a nanny for a looonnnggg time and I have seen both types of parents, the ones who want to "train" you and have shadow days and the ones that say "we are so glad to have found you, here, good luck!"

Those families that want to have shadow days always turn out to be the more annoying families. If you have a special needs baby I could understand it, but all the families that have done the overlapping days with me have turned out to be overbearing and obsessive. They are the ones who without fail try to justify their children bad behaviors and problems. They always say one thing but do another.

The ones that gave trust right out of the gate always seemed to be more involved in a constructive way. They are the ones that let their kids go out and explore their world, experience new things, learn by doing.

Of course I'm sure there are people who would break the trend, but just in my experience this is what it has been. By now I have learned enough from experience to avoid overbearing families and notice the signs, so I hope to not end up doing any more "trial" days in the future.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am a 4th time mom and just did my first trial days (two weekends because she had another weekday job). We got this nanny through an agency, too.

I did it because I needed to *know,* not just assume based on her answers at an interview and what her references said, that she could handle all of our kids and their mix of ages for an 8-hour day. I have also had a couple of nannies who really could not separate their personal and professional lives, and I wanted to see how we interacted.

So, she was hired contingent on those trial days.

Hmm...I would be okay doing the trial days, but I would hope that you would understand that I wouldn't be giving notice until after you extended a full and true offer. This means many nannies would still not be available for another 30 days. Do you give them enough time to do that?

She gave her notice before the trial period, but could have gotten her job back (she was working at a daycare). I hear what you're saying, but it's better to call it a trial period so everyone has their eyes open than to fire someone after a couple of weeks/month, don't you think? We were confident in our candidate, but we needed to see her in action.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I've been a nanny for a looonnnggg time and I have seen both types of parents, the ones who want to "train" you and have shadow days and the ones that say "we are so glad to have found you, here, good luck!"

Those families that want to have shadow days always turn out to be the more annoying families. If you have a special needs baby I could understand it, but all the families that have done the overlapping days with me have turned out to be overbearing and obsessive. They are the ones who without fail try to justify their children bad behaviors and problems. They always say one thing but do another.

The ones that gave trust right out of the gate always seemed to be more involved in a constructive way. They are the ones that let their kids go out and explore their world, experience new things, learn by doing.

Of course I'm sure there are people who would break the trend, but just in my experience this is what it has been. By now I have learned enough from experience to avoid overbearing families and notice the signs, so I hope to not end up doing any more "trial" days in the future.

Nice generalizations there. Guess you'll never work for me (as I "overlapped" for a day and a half with our nanny to infant twins - clearly a major indicator of an overbearing boss). I think we're both better off for not having to suffer each other.