Is it time to hire a new nanny?
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Anonymous
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Our nanny has been with our sons (3.5 and 1) for the past 3 years. She has been very loving and attentive with our sons and is timely and flexible with her schedule. Lately, there have been a number of issues that are making us second guess if she is the right fit. We knew hiring her that her English was limited and that she didn't drive. However, we moved to Arlington from DC about a year ago and driving is becoming a necessity, especially now that our sons are involved in more activities. We asked her to consider driving occasionally, but I have not gotten an answer from her. Also, both of our sons have health issues and food allergies that require the ability to read Rx instructions and dietary labels etc. She has not been able to do this thoroughly because of her limited English. We often have to resort to having her son help translate. Finally, in the 3 years that she has been our nanny she has not missed any work, but took a 3 month leave to take care of an emergency in her country. We were ok with that because she was so good with our sons that we held her job for her until she came back. Yesterday, she casually brought up that she might go back to her country again in January for another 3 months to get health care. I feel like while she's has been good for our sons needs in the past, we have outgrown what she can provide. I also feel that taking 3 months off 2 years in a row is unreasonable.
Do I tell her now that I don't think she is a good fit for my family anymore and give her time to explore other options or wait and tell her that we cannot hold her job for her again if she follow through with her 3 month leave? Any recommendations or experience with these issues? |
Anonymous
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MB here. I would take the plans to be gone for another three months as an easy way out and a way to gracefully end the relationship. If you were to rehire a nanny now, for the needs of your family now, would your current nanny be a strong candidate? If not, then I think you have your answer.
I would take a week or two to do some planning, and then sit down with her and let her know that given her plans to be out of the country for three months, and the changing needs of your family, you will be ending her employment with you. Give her a generous severance package, and offer support for helping her find her next job (if you're willing), a good reference, etc... and then go hire what you need. We are in a similar position, wrestling with whether the nanny we have had for three years, who was fantastic with infants, is up to what we currently need for our preschoolers. It's a very difficult decision and position to be in. I would be so relieved if given something like a three month absence to make the decision and process easier. Good luck. |
Anonymous
| Thank you for the advice. She really is a wonderful person and would like to remain on good terms with her if we go with another nanny. Ugh its never easy. |
Anonymous
| Time for a new nanny that drives and speaks fluent English. Maybe a younger American girl would fit your needs best. |
Anonymous
| Has anyone else had a similar experience with a nanny requesting 3 or months off? I've never heard of such a thing! |
Anonymous
It's quite common for foreigners and illegals. I've known many housekeepers of neighbors and friends that will be gone for 1-3 months in South America. |
Anonymous
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Our nanny left unexpectedly for 6 weeks for a family situation (foreign born, though US citizen).
It's really hard to weather. |
Anonymous
| Yes, it's common. I had a housekeeper who was gone every summer for 6-8 weeks, and a nanny who took 3 months her first year. The housekeeper was easier to cover. I will never hold a job for someone as long as 3 months again who hasn't worked for us for at least a couple of years. It was too hard to manage, and she then took another couple of weeks off at the holidays. And then quit soon after that. |
Anonymous
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I would never agree to 3 months off, that's a quarter of the whole year!
If our nanny was from another country, I'd probably allow her to bank her vacation time so she could take a month off every few years to visit for a long time, but never three months at once. |
Anonymous
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3 months is unreasonable. Yeah, I know...flights are so expensive and take so long, you have to go for a long time, blah blah blah. BS. I had sibling living in Asia and I went to visit him for 9 days. Not 3 months.
And sorry OP, but she's been working for you (so I assume, living in the US) for 3 years--and STILL doesn't speak fluent English? No excuse. |
Anonymous
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While I am sure you love her and she sounds wonderful, it sounds to me like your needs have changed and it is time for a new nanny, one who can better suit your boy's needs better.
If she is leaving in January, that would be the perfect excuse to use to let her go as one PP stated. It IS true that another 3 mos. in two years is a lot of time off. So I would totally use that as an excuse to let her go. Most jobs wouldn't keep someone on payroll who took that much time off. Even if she doesn't leave in January, just let her know that since your boy's needs have changed as they have gotten older, you really need someone who can drive them around. Since she does not drive, then you need to look into hiring someone who does. To lessen the sting, offer to write her an excellent letter of recommendation as well as be an active reference for her. Offer to refer her to any of your friends who have young children. I know it isn't easy letting someone go considering how well she has treated your family. If it makes you feel better, you can also give her a parting bonus/gift. |
Anonymous
You are ignorant. A person who is undocumented cannot travel freely and leave the US with any assurance that she can return. |
Anonymous
It's a simple hike through the desert. You sound like the ignorant one. How do you think they got here in the first place??? |
Anonymous
| You knew she barely spoke English and didn't drive, yet still hired her. Why, because she is illegal and chesp? |
Anonymous
And she won't say no to anything. |