When is the best time to ask au pair to stay a second year?

[Anonymous]

Thoughts? After 7 months? 9 months?

[Anonymous]

I think the agencies send the paperwork at about 8 months, and the AP has to have it in by a certain date (maybe at 10 months?) in order to qualify for extension. But more importantly, you will want to have this conversation with plenty of time for you to match out of country if the discussion doesn't go well and the AP doesn't want to extend (or stay with you for extension year). Since we match in Feb for Aug arrival, this means we would be having this discussion in late Jan. BUT, since we don't extend, ever, this is a non-issue for us, though last year - for the first time in 7 years - we did double-check with AP that he didn't want to stay a second year (he didn't - we don't pick APs who want to extend) before we offered to match with our next AP.

[Anonymous]

We never extend either, but if we did, I would probably ask on the later side, around 9m. We have had 6APs, and every one of them has been good to excellent, but performance consistently starts to slide a bit in the last few months (summer for us), so I wouldn't ask too early and I would tie my offer with continued performance expectations. (like previous PP, we match in Feb for Aug arrival, but I personally would not feel comfortable offering and extension in January- only 4m into APs year. It's barely the end of the honeymoon phase...).

Have you introduced the topic to AP yet? Do some of you discuss extension possibility during matching? Does AP have some expectations about staying longer?

Since we don't extend, I write it in our dear AP letter and I discuss it explicitly before matching. I am wondering how families who are open to extension deal with this. Do you day upfront that you are open to extending? Is it super awkward if you decide not to?

[Anonymous]

Not sure, as we don't plan to ever extend any of ours. Good luck, though!

[Anonymous]

I would have this discussion early-ish (6 or 7 months) if you're SURE you want to rematch. I usually start hunting for my replacement au pair around month 8, so at some point I need to know.

I think the key is to frame the request very very gently. Some girls, even if they love your family -- only plan on a year, and they will want to go home. If that is their feeling it is BETTER FOR BOTH OF YOU THAT THEY GO! Pressuring a girl to stay even a little can lead to real difficulties.

We had a lovely au pair one year who really loved our family, but felt torn about staying or going. She had a serious boyfriend who had waited for her at home for a year, and she finally said "he has waited long enough." I emphasized to her several times, that while we loved her, and would love to have her stay -- that we were so thrilled that she had given us a year of her life, and that if she felt it was time to go home, then we would support her. And we tried really hard to make sure we didn't "guilt her" at all, because she was already tearing herself up over it.

So -- my advice. talk early, but approach gently. Make it clear to your au pair that the reason you want them to stay, is because you love them so much... but also, because you love them so much, you will understand if it is time to go home.

[Anonymous]

If you are thinking that you would like to extend, I would mention the possibility early and more than once in a casual way to plant the idea in the AP's head that this would be a possibility.

I would have a serious conversation at the 8/9 month point.

In our case, we had planted the idea, and our AP actually brought it up with us that she wanted to extend for 6 months. It ended up working out really well. We've also had a not-so-good experience with extension. We selected an in-country extension AP, so she came to us for her 2nd year (she had been in a different part of the country). That ended up in an early match break (the AP has earned the flight home after 1 year, and we negotiated an early end with her).

Some advice: make sure you understand the AP's motivation for extension. It's important that the AP have a concrete goal for the 2nd year (in our successful 6 month extension, the goal was more travel & to line up with her university plans). If it's just because she doesn't know what to do next, or to stay near a boyfriend, I would pass on the extension.

[Anonymous]

We have never extended and made the rookie mistake with first AP of discussing early and then when her perfomance slid, having to have the awkward conversation about how we'd changed our minds. UGGH!

If I was to offer (might actually consider with the current AP who is beyond excellent) as others have stated, I wouldn't even mention it until the eighth month. I would begin my search and interview process as usual, just in case it didn't work out (she started sliding, she didn't want to stay or she wanted to stay but not with us). I wouldn't mention it early and I wouldn't sign on the dotted line until the last possible minute. Just in case...

[Anonymous]

We've extended three times and all three times talked about it around month 7 or so. Twice it worked out really well and once it was a mess. Her performance got worse and worse and we should have just ended things after her time was up. The other two times have been fantastic. Both switched eventually to J1 and finished school before going home or getting married.