Raise when care needs are changing
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Anonymous
Put it like this... I have yet to be presented with an issue I didn't know how to solve. I take the time to gather the info I need, and I know the solution. Neither theory, nor latest research, can do that for a child. It's been continuing education and ongoing experience, that got me here. Last time I chatted with an agency owner, she grilled me with every possible dilemma she could think of. After I aced every question in the book and then some, she said, "Now why do you want to be a nanny?" As if I was overqualified to work with children. Yes, I do consulting too, for a $100/hr. Probably lots of people are overqualified to do what they love doing. It's fine. |
Anonymous
There can be not 1 but various solutions to the same issue. Furthermore, parents might prefer it to be solved differently from your "i know how", they might have a preference based on the latest research or other factors. An expert would know different approaches and their pros and cons. A nanny (not you specifically, but any nanny in general) who claims to be a child development expert should know the subject matter to be able to claim expertise. Otherwise, "I did this with the previous Larlo and it worked" is simply experience, which is valuable, but does not make one a child development expert. Things that work the simplest might not be optimal in the long run. |
Anonymous
The problem with this is there is not one right answer to every question. There are a lot of different right ways to do something and just because your way works doesn't mean it is consistent with the family's philosophy or the only right way to do something. Truthfully, I'd prefer a nanny who was more open to trying things different ways and allowing us to figure out what is right for our family than one who always had the "answer." If that means I am hiring a sitter, I guess I prefer a sitter .... |
Anonymous
Kudos to you for figuring that out. I think clarity would eliminate half of the problems we see here. Parents think they want a nanny, but what they really want is a sitter. Hence, my "Most Parents Don't Know What They Want" thread. Professional nannies know how to do their job. Sitters depend on your direction. |
Anonymous
Well but the real issue is IRL the caregiver you describe as a sitter describes herself as a nanny and that is what most parents want. Few parents want such a high level of uninvolvment in their own children's upbringing that they want to hire a professional nanny based on your description to tell them what to do all the time. I am sure there is a market for that, but that market is pretty small compared to the vast majority of parents who are looking for someone to be a part of a team, and work with them to come up with solutions to problems rather than going at them unilaterally. I cannot think of a single person I know who has a "nanny" as you describe it, including and among my wealthiest and high profile friends - but I know a lot of parents who have "sitters" based on your description and every single one of those "sitters" calls herself a nanny. So I am not sure it's the parents who are confused here. |
Anonymous
Let's not get extreme. I like your "term" approach, as long as it truly is, a team approach. Most nannies would find that to be acceptable. |
Anonymous
In the "team" approach, at least how it plays out in our home, when an issue arises we all discuss it, and our nanny (or sitter or whatever you want to call her) gives us her thoughts on how to approach the situation but we as parents always get the final say in what she will do - and we do things the same way for consistency. We often take her thoughts and suggestions but we also have pretty clear ideas on how we want to raise our child and sometimes she does things differently from how she wants because we have asked her to. How do you envision the "team" approach? |
Anonymous
Yes, team, not term. Considering my work history, I guess I'm in a different league. My first crop of charges are grown. When parents see them on talk shows and in the press, as specialists in their fields, the parents I work with aren't telling me much of anything. They're ASKING me. |
Anonymous
If you can put people on TV shows, why are you still a paid-by-hour nanny? |
Anonymous
I don't put people on TV, nor did I say that. Working with children and their families, is my passion, thank you. I'm blessed to have that gift. |
Anonymous
I find the PP nanny as annoying as you do, but are you seriously saying that you'd rather overlook a technique known to work as presented by the nanny and instead muddle through parenting for the first time as though you didn't have the benefit of this experienced caregiver to draw from? WHY? She's at your disposal with experience with many different kids and many different families and probably a range of parenting approaches, why would you want to overlook that? For my part, I'm a nanny who also feels I pretty much always know how to handle something (sorry) but I have a very parent-friendly approach in which I will suggest small things as ideas and will keep my mouth shut about bigger issues until I'm asked. For my NF that was two years in to their daughter sleeping for no one except me. I told them what they should do, how it will play out, and assured them it would be worth it. Within a day she was sleeping for them and has been for months now, no regression. They were trying to figure it out themselves but I promise, I could have saved everyone a lot of sleepless nights and, honestly, could have saved DC a lot of tears. It may be difficult to do CIO with a one year old but it is infinitely worse to spend the entire second year sleep deprived and STILL having hour+ screaming fits at every nap and bed time. |
Anonymous
I am the PP you are talking to - I absolutely would not overlook a technique known to work as presented by our nanny but it's a conversation, not a given. It just doesn't mean it's the only way or the "right" way to do something. For example, our nanny and I had somewhat different approaches to handling DC when he was having a number of meltdowns/tantrums in public. Both of our ways worked, but I preferred for our nanny to do things our way (even though her way handled the meltdown just fine too) because we thought having two ways would be too confusing to DC and frankly her way was less in line with our parenting philosophies. She did things our way and that worked fine. Experienced nannies may know children generally, but even first time parents understand their own kids pretty well. I'd prefer to have a nanny/sitter/whatever you want to call her who is part of my team and who respects my parental instincts as much I as respect her experience, than have someone constantly telling me what to do. As a parent, it's much more important for me to develop confidence in my own instincts and figure out how to understand and relate to my child in the long run, than it is harmful for my child to suffer through a few first time parent mistakes, especially when they are mistakes made with love and good intentions. I am not afraid to ask for help when I need help and I definitely appreciate and am receptive to our nanny's thoughts and suggestions at any time. That is not the same thing as needing to be told how to parent my child all the time. It's about balance and teamwork. But the type of expert nanny PP was describing would absolutely not be right for us because at the end of the day, I know that there is just more than one right way to do things. |
Anonymous
I don't think nannies typically tell parents how to do anything, unless they ask. Am curious, in what way were your meltdown strategies at odds? What was she doing, and what did you make her do? |
Anonymous
So you were doing CIO on your own with the child that's how she/he would sleep only only for you for two years? And the parents didn't know that? And then you told them what to do, reassured them and within one day that changed? I am very much pro-CIO, but I respect parents who decide not to utilize it, it's up to them to make a choice. What know-it-all nannies here don't seem to get is that there might be cultural, religious or other preferences that dictate certain choices. Not because the nanny is wrong but because the parents have reasons to choose otherwise. |
Anonymous
What you don't seem to get, is that it's human nature to do what has always worked for you. That's why if you want to be guaranteed a Kosher kitchen, you get a Jewish nanny, not a Muslim nanny. If your way doesn't make sense to her, well what can we say? Good luck with that, lady. |