How to find the right balance

[Anonymous]

I've posted before about our change from a part-time nanny to a full-time nanny. I have 3 children under 4 and work part-time but some weeks I have to work all 5 days. In an effort to make things easier with the nanny and ensure her availability we hired a full-time nanny who always works 5 days a week. Most weeks she works 40 hours with additional hours (at OT rate) when I work all 5 days. Anyway, she started recently and I'm struggling a little with how to do things on the days I don't work. Sometimes it's great, I was able to go to my oldest DCs last day of school party without dragging the younger DCs with me and oldest DC got my undivided attention. I took middle DC to the doctor without having to work it around oldest DCs school schedule and without having to drag the baby with me. Next week when oldest DC is out of school I've made plans for us with some of DCs friends and one day I'll take the older 2 DCs out and can leave the baby with the nanny. Sometimes though it's awkward and leaves me feeling like I'm not being the parent I want to be. For example, today I went to DCs school party but then when we came home it was 12:30, lunch time and then nap time. I could have done it myself but the nanny's hours are until 2:30. If I'm around, the children just want me so I try to stay out of the way so I'm not making it difficult for the nanny. I didn't really have anything I had to do though that I couldn't do while they were napping. I ended up just going upstairs and putting some laundry away until the nanny put DCs down for their nap but I could have done it later. I still ended up letting her go early because she was done putting older DCs to sleep by 2:15 and I wanted to feed the baby so I told her she was free to go (but I'll still pay her until 2:30 because she has guaranteed hours).

I've always been a very hands-on parent. I work part-time because I want to be the primary care-giver for my children but now I find myself not doing as much as I used to because we have a full-time nanny. For now it's mostly ok because with 3 children there's always something I can do with 1 or 2 of them while the nanny is with the others but in September both oldest and middle DC will be in pre-school in the mornings. I'd like to be able to spend more quality time with youngest DC who will be 9 months old then but what will I do with the nanny then? She does the children's laundry and is very helpful around the house but I feel funny about saying "I'm going to play with DC while you do the laundry."

[Anonymous]

It's always pay or play - if you don't need the nanny on one particular day or for the early/later hours of her shift she doesn't have to be there - but you do have to pay her. Don't worry about "getting your money's worth" - you hired her for the weeks when you have to work 40 hours + and that is what you are getting.

You can also take your baby out and leave the nanny at your home to handle her other child-related chores. Just be clear with what you want/need. If you need alone time with your baby, speak up and tell her - I'm sure she'll find something else to do. And if there is nothing else to do, she can take a break.

[Anonymous]

If you don't need her then tell her. Just says thanks but I got it from here you can be done for the day. My bosses do this all the time. I enjoy it such a nice surprise to get off early .

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If you don't need her then tell her. Just says thanks but I got it from here you can be done for the day. My bosses do this all the time. I enjoy it such a nice surprise to get off early .

Agreed. I also get told every now and again that I can go home quite early. And I tell you what, I do NOT take it for granted. Things like this build good will, and as a result I will happily shift my work hours up half an hour when MB has an early meeting, or stay an extra 15 minutes when they hit traffic coming home.

To make this situation work for you, I think you a) need to be very proactive about having a list of tasks you want to get done (with at least a few taking you outside the house) each day the nanny is there but you don't have to work. But then b) accepting that if you finish everything you wanted to do, and are happy to spend the afternoon with the kids, then it's probably just easiest to let the nanny go home.

[Anonymous]

When I'm home unexpectedly and can be hands-on with the kids, I just let the manny go early and pay him until his regular time. Or I ask him to go do kiddie laundry or change their bedding or sort out the toys in the playroom they've grown out of while I feed the kids. But if I don't need him to do anything, I just tell him he can take off.

[Anonymous]

Think about whether there are things you are doing on the weekend that you could do during the week like errands, or dinner prep, or other major projects that would allow for more family time when she's not there. Or, if you're married, more adult time after the kids go to sleep.

Or, do you need gym time?

I just have to imagine that if you are working 40+ hours some weeks, there are things that need doing ...

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If you don't need her then tell her. Just says thanks but I got it from here you can be done for the day. My bosses do this all the time. I enjoy it such a nice surprise to get off early .

Agreed. I also get told every now and again that I can go home quite early. And I tell you what, I do NOT take it for granted. Things like this build good will, and as a result I will happily shift my work hours up half an hour when MB has an early meeting, or stay an extra 15 minutes when they hit traffic coming home.

To make this situation work for you, I think you a) need to be very proactive about having a list of tasks you want to get done (with at least a few taking you outside the house) each day the nanny is there but you don't have to work. But then b) accepting that if you finish everything you wanted to do, and are happy to spend the afternoon with the kids, then it's probably just easiest to let the nanny go home.

+2