Need hope

[Anonymous]

Friends (and only nice people reply, please) -
We have had a truly hellish year seeking stability with a whole variety of nannies.

We are truly a nice family whose kids (6 and 3.5) are excelling in every category of emotional stability, likability, ease of discipline, fun loving, etc. Teachers love them. We, the parents, are available at the drop of the hat for any advice, support, or time off the nanny needs. We are just being COMPLETELY taken advantage of by these nannies to the detriment of our sanity, jobs, etc. Is it the positive economic climate/cutthroat environment that makes these people a drag on us?

After last year's nanny left to work at an elementary school (she was overqualified and no longer wanted nanny work), there was the one who showed up with a foreign driver's license only, the one who had immigration issues after a week, the one who would lie to us about where she was taking our kid and our car, and now the one who is so rude to me and my friends/playdates over text that she is almost intolerable.

Is there a problem with my due diligence? Every time we switch, I feel desperate. Should I go through an agency? Is the au pair route a good one or frought with its own perils?

I am seriously about to quit my career, which I love. Any encouragement out there to stick with this?? My kids will age out of nannies soon, right? I promised I would never become this jaded, desperate person, but these women are killing me.

Help and positive energy only, please!

[Anonymous]

Hang in there. You are awesome. You are strong. You spent years in school and at work killing it so that you could be where you are today.

Just know that your kids are resilient, super little beings who will grow to love and respect you for who you've become. You and your husband sound like amazingly accessible, accomodating people who will make this work. You've set yourselves up in an amazing, supportive community of like-minded parents who are in the same situation.

Just get through today. Tomorrow will take care of itself.

[Anonymous]

What doesn't kill you makes you stronger. You've got this.

[Anonymous]

I know that you want positive answers only, but I'm hoping that you mean genuinely helpful and not simply so,done who will tell you that it completely isn't your fault.

Obviously you've had some bad luck this year with nannies. It happens, and I'm sorry. But you have to realize that a pattern is emerging and it is on you to recognize your role in that pattern.

You need to ask yourself why you are attracting bad nannies. You say your first was overqualified and left, and your subsequent nannies have sucked. This leads me to believe that you are offering subpar compensation in some way. That is why the only qualified nanny you had left, and it is why your others have been low quality.

You need to figure out specifically what you'd like in a nanny. Do you want someone long term, and are you making that desire clear to your candidates? Are you hiring candidates with a history of job loyalty or are they job hoppers? Are you offering the stability necessary for someone to commit to you long term, like guaranteed hours, vacation and sick pay? Are your expectations in line with your compensation?

It seems as though your first nanny was a reach, and the others you settled. Figure out what you need, what you want, and make sure you are offering market compensation. There are lots of nannies out there to choose from, but you have to be realistic and clear in your expectations. Good luck!

[Anonymous]

I would recommend looking at neighborhood list serve listing for families advertising on behalf of their beloved departing nannies - we found our best candidates that way. You may also want to try implementing a one month trial period with a new nanny? We have an amazing nanny now but have also briefly had two terrible nannies - for both it was clear to us almost immediately that there was a bad fit. A one-month trial may give both you and the nanny the opportunity to determine whether the fit is right.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I would recommend looking at neighborhood list serve listing for families advertising on behalf of their beloved departing nannies - we found our best candidates that way. You may also want to try implementing a one month trial period with a new nanny? We have an amazing nanny now but have also briefly had two terrible nannies - for both it was clear to us almost immediately that there was a bad fit. A one-month trial may give both you and the nanny the opportunity to determine whether the fit is right.

Also, do you pay on the books? Run a background check? Issues like driver's license and eligibility to work in the US should be sorted out up front through the background check and I-9/tax paperwork. Those are threshold issues you should clarify before any new nanny starts.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I would recommend looking at neighborhood list serve listing for families advertising on behalf of their beloved departing nannies - we found our best candidates that way. You may also want to try implementing a one month trial period with a new nanny? We have an amazing nanny now but have also briefly had two terrible nannies - for both it was clear to us almost immediately that there was a bad fit. A one-month trial may give both you and the nanny the opportunity to determine whether the fit is right.

Also, do you pay on the books? Run a background check? Issues like driver's license and eligibility to work in the US should be sorted out up front through the background check and I-9/tax paperwork. Those are threshold issues you should clarify before any new nanny starts.

Agree with all of this and to take a look at your compensation package. A trial period is strongly recommended and if you haven't done background, immigration, and driving checks before offering someone the job, you aren't doing your due diligence. No one should get past a preliminary interview without you ensuring everything is in order. Also look at your compensation package as it doesn't sound like it's attracting the candidates you want to hire.

[Anonymous]

You are having a bad run but it won't always be this way. There is a good nanny for you out there. I suggest you do some journaling about what has worked well and was has not. Those two things will reveal your values. For example, if you have reached your limit with immigration issues then you value the ease of U.S. Citizen applicants and an au pair who could easily lose their privilege to work here is not the best option. If If you have had trouble with overqualified nannies maybe you value someone who has experience but is still looking to learn more - offer to cover one CD online course as part of your benefit package for example in order to draw those applicants with a few years of experience but room to grow.

I am a nanny that takes a family based approach. I believe families who know their own needs and goals are best positioned to work well with their nanny who is a member of their team, not a subordinate or a tyrant.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Friends (and only nice people reply, please) -
We have had a truly hellish year seeking stability with a whole variety of nannies.

We are truly a nice family whose kids (6 and 3.5) are excelling in every category of emotional stability, likability, ease of discipline, fun loving, etc. Teachers love them. We, the parents, are available at the drop of the hat for any advice, support, or time off the nanny needs. We are just being COMPLETELY taken advantage of by these nannies to the detriment of our sanity, jobs, etc. Is it the positive economic climate/cutthroat environment that makes these people a drag on us?

After last year's nanny left to work at an elementary school (she was overqualified and no longer wanted nanny work), there was the one who showed up with a foreign driver's license only, the one who had immigration issues after a week, the one who would lie to us about where she was taking our kid and our car, and now the one who is so rude to me and my friends/playdates over text that she is almost intolerable.

Is there a problem with my due diligence? Every time we switch, I feel desperate. Should I go through an agency? Is the au pair route a good one or frought with its own perils?

I am seriously about to quit my career, which I love. Any encouragement out there to stick with this?? My kids will age out of nannies soon, right? I promised I would never become this jaded, desperate person, but these women are killing me.

Help and positive energy only, please!

I hear you ! Really. We've had very similiar experience. Nannies who were always late, who were lying to us, who were lazy and suuuuper slow. Just to let you know that you are not alone. It just happens.

My lesson was to check all the references. Not only one. And ALWAYS at least a month of trial.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Friends (and only nice people reply, please) -
We have had a truly hellish year seeking stability with a whole variety of nannies.

We are truly a nice family whose kids (6 and 3.5) are excelling in every category of emotional stability, likability, ease of discipline, fun loving, etc. Teachers love them. We, the parents, are available at the drop of the hat for any advice, support, or time off the nanny needs. We are just being COMPLETELY taken advantage of by these nannies to the detriment of our sanity, jobs, etc. Is it the positive economic climate/cutthroat environment that makes these people a drag on us?

After last year's nanny left to work at an elementary school (she was overqualified and no longer wanted nanny work), there was the one who showed up with a foreign driver's license only, the one who had immigration issues after a week, the one who would lie to us about where she was taking our kid and our car, and now the one who is so rude to me and my friends/playdates over text that she is almost intolerable.

Is there a problem with my due diligence? Every time we switch, I feel desperate. Should I go through an agency? Is the au pair route a good one or frought with its own perils?

I am seriously about to quit my career, which I love. Any encouragement out there to stick with this?? My kids will age out of nannies soon, right? I promised I would never become this jaded, desperate person, but these women are killing me.

Help and positive energy only, please!

I hear you ! Really. We've had very similiar experience. Nannies who were always late, who were lying to us, who were lazy and suuuuper slow. Just to let you know that you are not alone. It just happens.

My lesson was to check all the references. Not only one. And ALWAYS at least a month of trial.

One more thing. Forget about au pair. Sorry to say that but it's really hard to find the right match. Usually you get a very young girl with no experience and if you want to change her to someone else - it;s a messy process.

[Anonymous]

How much are you paying? Well paid nannies don't behave this way.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You are having a bad run but it won't always be this way. There is a good nanny for you out there. I suggest you do some journaling about what has worked well and was has not. Those two things will reveal your values. For example, if you have reached your limit with immigration issues then you value the ease of U.S. Citizen applicants and an au pair who could easily lose their privilege to work here is not the best option. If If you have had trouble with overqualified nannies maybe you value someone who has experience but is still looking to learn more - offer to cover one CD online course as part of your benefit package for example in order to draw those applicants with a few years of experience but room to grow.

I am a nanny that takes a family based approach. I believe families who know their own needs and goals are best positioned to work well with their nanny who is a member of their team, not a subordinate or a tyrant.

I'm an MB and I love this advice. The point about understanding your most critical "must haves" is an excellent one.

I also want to second the recommendation from another poster to use your neighborhood listservs and similar networks (work colleagues, church/synagogue group, even your realtor) to find family to family referrals. That is how I've found the best nannies when I was looking.

Good luck.

[Anonymous]

OP here - Can't thank you all enough for all of the great advice. It's definitely time to pause, self-reflect and figure out how to make this work.

Thank you

[Anonymous]

Op where are you located? I am currently interviewing, and looking for a nice family like the one I have now.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here - Can't thank you all enough for all of the great advice. It's definitely time to pause, self-reflect and figure out how to make this work.

Thank you

OP, I am the PP who suggested journaling. My advice stands on its own but it does happen to be the case that my current position ends on June 13th. I would welcome an invitation to learn more about your experiences with your previous employees and how you would like to go about creating a healthy environment going forward. I can humbly admit that I have learned just as much from the experiences that have not gone as hoped as I have from the families that were a slam dunk for me. Mostly, it all goes back to communication, compassion, and integrity.