Former nanny can't get new job

[Anonymous]

We had a good experience with a former nanny who worked
for us for over 3 years. We parted ways amicably about 2 years ago.
Since then I have served as a reference multiple times because
I was her longest employer. But she can't hold a job or mom's even call
me to say she is nothing like I described, wouldn't do things they asked,
or was so aggressive about salary instead of the job that it was off-putting.
I feel I am giving an honest assessment of her time with us but maybe she
has changed. Should I continue serving as her primary
reference? I have tried to give her interview advice before
but it clearly hasn't helped.

[Anonymous]

I would just give her a letter of reference and not take any more calls.

[Anonymous]

Are you feeling burdened by the number of calls or are you just getting cold feet because you are questioning why your experience was so different from what others have reported to you? If the former, you might try giving the nanny a letter of reference and telling her that you would prefer to only talk to prospective employers who have already made a conditional offer that she is ready to accept, pending a positive reference check with you. It might hurt her chances a bit, but would not be unreasonable on your part.

However, I don't think it is fair to withhold future references simply because you are second-guessing your judgment or her character based on the fact that others' experiences were different from your own. If you were happy with her, that's what you should report.

If the ex-nanny is pursuing shares, that could explain her inability to hold jobs. Most shares fall apart in a year or less, when one of the children gets a daycare slot or one of the families has a second child. Alternatively, some nannies start out great, then pick up a certain rigidness from other nannies who convince them that nannies shouldn't do laundry, should only clean up messes made on their watch, should charge extra for this, that, the other thing, etc. Same with money. Some nannies hear that other nannies make $20+ per hour and they think all they need to do to earn on par with that that's their rate. Nannies who don't provide value on par with their income expectations typically have trouble holding on to jobs. I know of two families who told a so-so nanny that they would be putting their child in daycare or getting an au pair, when they really just planned to hire a better nanny.

BTW, I find it hard to believe that multiple moms who have hired your ex-nanny called you after the fact to report her shortcomings. Maybe one if you knew her from around town, but I've never heard of anyone circling back to old references to report a disappointing experience with an employee.

[Anonymous]

I wouldn't give a hoot to any of these people who are calling you and saying negative things about your former nanny because you don't even know who they are, do you?

You know your nanny very well, but not these people so why let them affect your judgment?

I say continue being a good reference for your former nanny if she truly served your family well for those 3 years.

[Anonymous]

Trust your instincts - if you found this nanny to be good, all you can do is tell the truth as you experienced it.

Some MBs are crazy. And some nannies change. You have no clue which is the case here so just continue to give your experience.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Trust your instincts - if you found this nanny to be good, all you can do is tell the truth as you experienced it.

Some MBs are crazy. And some nannies change. You have no clue which is the case here so just continue to give your experience.

MB here and I basically agree with this advice.

But, are you still in touch w/ your former nanny? I think that if I were in your shoes either the repeated job changes and reference calls (and follow up calls w/ feedback) might start changing the tone of my reference a bit.

I'd still give the same basic positive reference, but obviously it starts having less value to a prospective employer who sees questionable work history since leaving your employment. In general, with references, I would tell the truth as you see it, answer any questions asked, and don't get more involved than that. Anyone considering hiring her can put your reference in the context of the other references, work history, sense of fit, etc... Your reference should only be one data point for an employer so I would not put any more energy into it than that.