Feeling guilty - is this reasonable or am I overreacting

[Anonymous]

I've posted a few times previously about our part-time nanny who can no longer work all the days I need her to. We are currently looking for a new now full-time nanny due to the nature of my work schedule. Most weeks I only work 2 days but about once a month I will have a week where I have to work more days, sometimes an entire 5 day week. Because of that it is difficult to find a nanny with flexibility to work only on the days I work so we decided to just hire a full-time nanny and guarantee her hours for a full 5 day week. We have 3 children 3 and under so I could certainly use the help but I work part-time because I want to be a very hand on parent. I want to spend time with the children rather than being gone the majority of the time. Growing up I never had a nanny and hardly ever even had babysitters because my mom stayed home for the first few years and then when she did work it was a very flexible schedule so she did most of her work at night after we went to sleep. If she had to go to work my grandmother (who didn't work) stayed with us. So back to my original point, I'm feeling guilty because I feel like I shouldn't need a full-time nanny if I'm working part-time but I don't know any other way to make this work. For now, my plan is to use the days I'm not working to spend individual time with the children and to run errands I can't do with 3 children with me. Ie, I'll take 1 child to story time at the library and then the grocery store while the nanny stays with the other 2. In the fall though 2 of them will be in school 5 mornings a week so then what? Has anyone had a full-time nanny when they themselves didn't work full-time and they still felt like they spent enough time with their children? Also, I should just add that not working isn't an option for me for many reasons so staying home full time and not having a nanny isn't a choice.

[Anonymous]

I think what you describe here is fine. If it works for your family and you can afford it, go for it. People might criticize you, but that will happen no matter what you do.

Best wishes.

[Anonymous]

Your bigger question may be, how to find a nanny who will fit in?

[Anonymous]

Could you look for a nanny/housekeeper? E.g., someone who would be willing to come in and do deep cleaning or grocery shop and freeze a few meals, or wash/ dry/fold/put away all the laundry? Or walk the dog?

If you don't really want childcare in this quanitity, then it might make sense to find someone who is happy to provide services that you DO want.

[Anonymous]

Depending on the age of your older children, you may be able to spend individual time volunteering in each of their classrooms. This could be a possible solution for some of the hours in the fall.

[Anonymous]

Lots of mothers don't work full time and have nannies. Lots of mothers don't work at all and have full time nannies. A nanny is not just an extra pair of hands and a nanny is not a substitute mother. Your nanny can teach your children things you may not know (a second language, music, new songs, etc.) and give greater attention to your kids (take two to the park while you are with one, give singular age appropriate lessons to one when you have two, etc.) I would not go with the housekeeper/nanny route if I were you - I would go with the teacher-type nanny instead. You have a prime opportunity and a window with your young children to teach them easily things that naturally will come harder when they are older.

Another person to read to your children - and read more often than you can alone - cannot ever be bad.

[Anonymous]

Three children under three years old - yes, a full time nanny would definitely benefit you and your children!!! Nannies are an amazing addition to a family (provided, of course, you get a good nanny). If you want and can spend time with he baby while the older two are in school, the nanny can work on cleaning the kid's rooms, doing their laundry, getting their lunches ready, etc.

And as PP stated - having the ability to have your children read to more often can never be a bad thing.

[Anonymous]

I have three now 4, 2.5, and 1. Once #3 came along, we went to full time. I work PT, but only part of the year. Having her full time means the weekend can be fun family time instead of chores, and I can make dinner without also managing them.

Sometimes she has all three because I'm working, or, like last week, when I was running errands and going to the dentist, hair salon, doctor, etc., in anticipation of a long trip we're going on soon. If the baby sleeps really badly, I may even be able to get a nap in.

Sometimes she has two while I take one to a class, or take the baby with me to run errands.

Sometimes she has one, because the oldest is at preschool and the youngest is napping. The one might take a class, or go to the park ...

For a big outing, like the pool, or a trip to Baltimore to the Aquarium, two adults makes it so much easier with the bathroom breaks, food, diaper changing, nursing, meltdowns, whatever.

Because I'm home, she gets a decent lunch break every day, even if naps don't all happen. She can go to the bathroom by herself. Her workday never runs late unexpectedly. It also meant that naps didn't have to be interrupted for preschool drop-off and pick-up, and when the weather was awful, I wasn't trying to load three little ones in the car to get the oldest to school.

So, while it takes a little getting used to learning to work together, with the right fit, it works out nicely for everyone.

Now that the baby is a little older, I am considering dialing back to part-time again, or getting more of a nanny/housekeeper (we're moving across country, so we have to hire someone new anyway).

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I have three now 4, 2.5, and 1. Once #3 came along, we went to full time. I work PT, but only part of the year. Having her full time means the weekend can be fun family time instead of chores, and I can make dinner without also managing them.

Sometimes she has all three because I'm working, or, like last week, when I was running errands and going to the dentist, hair salon, doctor, etc., in anticipation of a long trip we're going on soon. If the baby sleeps really badly, I may even be able to get a nap in.

Sometimes she has two while I take one to a class, or take the baby with me to run errands.

Sometimes she has one, because the oldest is at preschool and the youngest is napping. The one might take a class, or go to the park ...

For a big outing, like the pool, or a trip to Baltimore to the Aquarium, two adults makes it so much easier with the bathroom breaks, food, diaper changing, nursing, meltdowns, whatever.

Because I'm home, she gets a decent lunch break every day, even if naps don't all happen. She can go to the bathroom by herself. Her workday never runs late unexpectedly. It also meant that naps didn't have to be interrupted for preschool drop-off and pick-up, and when the weather was awful, I wasn't trying to load three little ones in the car to get the oldest to school.

So, while it takes a little getting used to learning to work together, with the right fit, it works out nicely for everyone.

Now that the baby is a little older, I am considering dialing back to part-time again, or getting more of a nanny/housekeeper (we're moving across country, so we have to hire someone new anyway).

I had to laugh at your mention that your nanny can go to the bathroom by herself! As a nanny, I can't tell you the last time I was alone in the bathroom or even got to close the bathroom door while at work! Very perceptive of you to notice this, MB.

Good luck with your move.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I have three now 4, 2.5, and 1. Once #3 came along, we went to full time. I work PT, but only part of the year. Having her full time means the weekend can be fun family time instead of chores, and I can make dinner without also managing them.

Sometimes she has all three because I'm working, or, like last week, when I was running errands and going to the dentist, hair salon, doctor, etc., in anticipation of a long trip we're going on soon. If the baby sleeps really badly, I may even be able to get a nap in.

Sometimes she has two while I take one to a class, or take the baby with me to run errands.

Sometimes she has one, because the oldest is at preschool and the youngest is napping. The one might take a class, or go to the park ...

For a big outing, like the pool, or a trip to Baltimore to the Aquarium, two adults makes it so much easier with the bathroom breaks, food, diaper changing, nursing, meltdowns, whatever.

Because I'm home, she gets a decent lunch break every day, even if naps don't all happen. She can go to the bathroom by herself. Her workday never runs late unexpectedly. It also meant that naps didn't have to be interrupted for preschool drop-off and pick-up, and when the weather was awful, I wasn't trying to load three little ones in the car to get the oldest to school.

So, while it takes a little getting used to learning to work together, with the right fit, it works out nicely for everyone.

Now that the baby is a little older, I am considering dialing back to part-time again, or getting more of a nanny/housekeeper (we're moving across country, so we have to hire someone new anyway).

OP here. Thank you, this is very very helpful and exactly how I am imagining it will be. We have interviewed a lot of nannies but haven't found one yet because I'm taking my time to find the right person. It does take a certain type of person to be the right fit for this.