Questioning nanny's judgement - am I overreacting?

[Anonymous]

We have a nanny that started in jan. Our previous nanny (of 3 yrs) was absolutely amazingly perfect, but she had to move out of state for personal reasons. I am trying not to compare the 2 nannies, as I know there's a learning curve, but I'm beginning to question our new nanny's judgement.

For example, she was cooking sizzling stuff on the stove on a front burner w/ my 18 mo old who grabs everything running around. I told nanny to only ever use rear burners but came into the kitchen a few days later & same scenario. Then she regularly needs to drive from our house in NW to alexandria. I've driven w/ her to show the exact route (we live on rock creek, so rock creek to GW parkway). Well apparently she decided to go on SE/SW freeway to 295 to Wilson bridge. She admitted it when I asked why she was 1 hr late for appt (they were calling me), but before that, when she came home she told me it went well.

Finally, my just turned 4 yr old was home sick yesterday. My husband came home from a work trip mid afternoon & heard lots of running water. He found the sick one in his bathtub w/ the water running fast & the tub almost full. Now keep in mind the boy had a fever & the tub is a huge old, slippery cast iron tub that is so deep my ds can't climb in or out w/o help. The nanny was bathing my 18 mo old in her room, at the other end of the house. My husband got ds out of the tub, wrapped him in a towel & sat him in a chair while he went to his closet to get clothes. Ds was so tired w/ his fever that when my husband went back to ds, ds was sound asleep in the chair.

I feel nauseous thinking what if ds had fallen asleep in bath or slipped? I asked nanny & she said she didn't want ds near his sister to get her sick. Ok but dd was about to take a long nap, so give ds a bath then. I am now really questioning her judgement. Am I overreacting?

[Anonymous]

MB here. Taking everything you say here at your work, you are not over-reacting. I would fire her immediately.

Not using the safer burners I could perhaps work with - reinforcing/requiring her to do it my way. Learning a route that is necessary to care for your child is important - one screw up ok, but given that you showed it to her and she went a different way - that would concern me. Lying about it to you - that's the first deal-breaker for me. I won't tolerate lying - if you lie to me about this kind of stuff then I feel like I can't believe you on other things and I have to trust the person who cares for my children. Honesty, safety, reliability, trustworthiness are non-negotiables for me.

Bathing two children in different locations? That just doesn't make sense. She has no common sense, or doesn't understand risks, etc...

I would not feel safe leaving my children in her care. She has repeatedly ignored your instructions, made your kid(s) late for an appointment, put them at risk in a couple of ways that made you uneasy, and she's still new in the position? Totally unacceptable.

I'm sorry OP - what a nightmare for you.

[Anonymous]

Holy crap! The bathtub thing!!! It scares me to think what might have happened if the 4-year-old had called for her -- would she have left the 18-mo-old alone?

She's not ready for this responsibility.

[Anonymous]

Nanny here. Unacceptable.
The bathtub situation would have been it for me.
Don't take chances with your kids.

[Anonymous]

MB here. No, I don't think you're over-reacting.

The stove - she went against your instructions, so that's an issue, but I also always cooked on the rear burners when my kids were smaller and I think it's just common sense. I'm still pretty cautious, and I let the kids know why (they are 4 and 6). I let them stand on a stool and watch from a safe distance if they want, or if they are playing I make sure that they do so away from the cooking area. You need to make clear what your safety expectations are in this regard.

The bath - totally unacceptable. She should not leave a four year old unattended in the bath unless she has just stepped away to the next room for a moment or something like that. She certainly should not be going to the other end of the house and putting another child in the bath, and the fact that the older child was ill is even worse. I can think of so many ways this could have gone wrong. You need to tell her immediately that this is a serious safety concern for you. For some people this would be a firing offence, especially if there were other red flags.

Also, the excuse that she didn't want the younger child to get sick is ridiculous. Any experienced nanny should know that siblings and other family members catch things from each other and it is useless to try to prevent that. I just find her reason really strange.

Overall, if you want to give her a chance, I think you need to spell out for her what your safety standards are around things like cooking, bathing, driving, taking the kids to the park, crossing the street, when and where it is ok to leave the kids unattended in the house, etc. I wouldn't normally think it necessary to put this kind of thing in writing, it looks super controlling to say the least, but in this case I think it will help. You also need to send the message that if you ask her to take a certain route or only use the back burners, it's not optional.

However, I would be open to the possibility that this isn't the right nanny for you and start to plan accordingly.

[Anonymous]

Wow the bathtub thing! The other things are not such a big deal (especially the driving thing), but if I found out my nanny had left my four year old in the bath by himself, I would have no issues firing her immediately.

[Anonymous]

The other things you could work on, but the bathtub incident is an immediate firing offense. That's scary as hell, and I don't even have kids but I know I'd have flipped out.

[Anonymous]

You can't leave a child alone in the tub, period. Everyone should know that.what she was trying to do made no sense and was dangerous, I wouldn't leave her alone with kids again.

[Anonymous]

The bathtub incident is terrifying. I would fire her in the spot. I am really not sure I'd be able to trust her judgment after that!

[Anonymous]

Start looking immediately for someone else.

[Anonymous]

How could you possibly feel safe leaving your children with her after the bathtub incident? That is the far too dangerous.

[Anonymous]

Did you fire her yet?

[Anonymous]

Another nanny here. The bathtub incident is an immediate firing offense in my book. It showed a major lack of judgement.

Taking a different route to get somewhere isn't a huge issue, but the fact that it made her extremely late and she lied about it initially poses a problem.

Using rear burners in the presence of small children should be common sense, but some people lack it. This can be worked on, but in combination with the other issues I don't foresee this nanny becoming the trustworthy caregiver you need her to be.

[Anonymous]

Nanny here -- holy cow! get rid of her! those incidents are not learning curves, they are HUGELY irresponsible. I also wouldn't give her a reference if she asks. You do not want to be responsible for helping her find another job with children

[Anonymous]

Nanny here, and I'm sorry to say but your nanny should be fired. Leaving your sick 4 year old alone in the bathtub for that long is unacceptable and put your child in danger.