What would you do?

[Anonymous]

I'm apologizing ahead of time because this may be a little long. My children's nanny has been with us since the summer but I have been on maternity leave the entire time she has worked for us. When we hired her it was part-time with the understanding that her hours were going to increase once I went back to work in March. By increase I mean the number of days stay the same (3) but the hours she works on the days I'm working (2) would increase from 6 hours to 9 hours. She will still work 6 hours on the day I don't work. I was very clear about this when I hired her and she was ok with that. She has 2 school age children herself and I think she is starting to have second thoughts about working the longer days. Again, I was concerned this would be an issue when I hired her but she assured me it would be fine since she lives with her mother who takes care of her children. I'm going back to work in a week and we've been going over the new schedule. She asked me the other day if it would be ok if her mother (who I have never met) works one of the days instead of her. My 2 older children have met her before when they have gone to her house but as I said, I've never met her. I know she worked for many years as a nanny for 1 family in the past but I don't personally know anything about her. As far as I know she has only ever taken care of 2 children at a time before and I have 3 (3 and under) so I'm concerned about her ability to handle all 3. The current nanny (the daughter) takes them to classes and outings but I'm worried her mother would have a hard time with 3. I addressed this with the nanny and she is convinced her mother will be fine. Obviously I would have to meet her first but I still have concerns. At the same time though I'm afraid if I say no the nanny will get tired of working long hours and being away from her children and would quit. I know we could easily find another nanny but she's great and my children love her and I don't relish the idea of starting over. What would you do in this situation? She wants to start next week when I go back to work but I'm going to ask her to wait at least another week so she's not starting on the same day I'm starting work.

[Anonymous]

Before you had three kids, you hadn't any experience with them either, right? The mom raised kids (how many?) The issue with the 3 kids wouldn't concern me. I'd be more concerned about whether she's physically up to the task of outings and so forth, and what her discipline style is, whether she'll keep the kids on schedule etc. As a general rule the apple doesn't fall from the tree, so if you like your nanny, odds are you'll like her mom. I'd explore it further, though you're certainly under no obligation to do so if you aren't comfortable with it.

[Anonymous]

Definitely get a new nanny.

You have already identified many concerns. You need to have a reliable childcare situation where you don't need to worry about nanny initiated substitutions and the effects they may have on your family.

It will be easy, as you say, for you to find another nanny and it would be a far more stable and less stressful situation for your family.

[Anonymous]

I would 100% get a new nanny. This seems very unreliable. You hired this nanny, not the nanny and her mother. You don't know anything about the mother and even if she is a wonderful person, that is not who you hired

[Anonymous]

I wouldn't be comfortable with this. You hired and have gotten to know the nanny. It's pretty unprofessional to try and swap out like this now. She may be telling you that the longer hours are not for her but if that is the case, you're better off finding a new nanny now than in a few weeks when you are back at work and have less flexibility. Talk to her honestly about what she's thinking, but I'd say no to the mom thing.

[Anonymous]

I'm an MB. I am of mixed minds (based on what you've laid out here).

I would be annoyed that the nanny you hired, who accepted a position knowing that these would be the terms once your maternity leave ended, is no longer willing or able to do the job she accepted. It would be perfectly reasonable for you to simply find another nanny.

OTOH, it is hard to start over and if you ended up with a situation where you actually had some built-in back-up for illness (if the nanny is sick her mother can fill in and vice-versa) then perhaps this would be an unconventional but great solution for you in the long run. It's also the kind of accommodation that your nanny might see as a major benefit so it could be a win win.

Either way, if you're going to consider doing it, you have every right to interview her mother just as you would a new nanny. Explore her abilities, energy level, experience, your comfort level with her etc... Make the requirements of the position (hours, activities, driving, etc...) all fully clear and non-negotiable. If you're persuaded that she is as capable and attractive a candidate as a new nanny - great. If not - then you go back to starting over.

Good luck.

[Anonymous]

Personally, I don't think I would consider it. On one hand, you would always have back-up care if you and your kids got to know, and trust, both of them.

On the other hand, it has the potential to get complicated and messy.

It actually is not that easy to find good, reliable, part-time help though, so... I'm not sure how/why you think your search will be easy.

[Anonymous]

I would look for a new nanny. She is telling you she does not want to do this.

[Anonymous]

OP here. I spoke with the nanny this morning and had a really good conversation. She fully understood our concerns and for now her mother will not be coming. She is a fantastic nanny and my children love her so I really did not want to have to find a replacement.

To the PP who said it's not the easy to find good part-time help/, maybe I've just always been lucky. Due to several moves we've had 3 excellent part-time nannies that we had no trouble finding. We probably don't have as many candidates as we would if we were looking for full-time but we've certainly had several great candidates to choose from.

[Anonymous]

I'm glad you talked with her and I hope it works out for you.