kids say Dad hits them.

[Anonymous]

In the car today my charges started talking about how their dad hits them. They said he hits them a lot -- on the arms, on the legs, and spanking, and when I asked if it hurt, one said "a lot!"

They said they told their mom twice but nothing has changed.

Kids are between the ages of 4-6 and I obviously take everything they tell me with a grain of salt, but this is just unsettling.

What would you do?

[Anonymous]

Very little you can do if it's just spanking and no marks are left. Just keep a log of what they say and if you see marks. Unfortunately it's not illegal to spank and is only considered abuse if it's obsessive and leaves marks. You haven't seen it happen so you don't know how bad it is.

[Anonymous]

Have you considered telling the mom? As a mom, I would want to know that my kids are telling you this.

[Anonymous]

Yes, I am debating telling her. I know if I were a mom I'd want to know...but I'm worried I'm overreacting because I have found no physical evidence. Ugh.

[Anonymous]

As an abused child myself, if my mother found out i was telling people she hit me i would get beat and threatened if I did it again. So if this is actually true and the mother is in on it, it could backfire. proceed with caution.

[Anonymous]

As far as it being "legal" that depends on the laws of your state. In Maryland, a hand on the bottom leaving no mark is legal, but you can't use an object, or hit them anywhere else (a slap across the face is not discipline). I would question your charges further.

And as another PP said, the mother likely knows, and saying something to her may simply make things worse for your charges. My brother let something slip to a teacher when we were young, and when CPS started poking around, we both got a beating like you wouldn't believe and it made us believe we had to keep quiet.

[Anonymous]

She is definitely not "in on it." She would never lay a hand on her children. I'm certain of it.

[Anonymous]

How well and how long do you know the father?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:She is definitely not "in on it." She would never lay a hand on her children. I'm certain of it.

That is not to say she is unaware that dad is. Hell, he could be hitting her too.

[Anonymous]

Yea, he might be hitting the mom to.

[Anonymous]

They probably get spanked which isn't illegal. If there was real abuse going on I would hope you would've picked up on it by now. I'm sure you would see bruises and marks everywhere. If they have no marks then chances are they're talking about spanking.

[Anonymous]

PP here again - Also, you'd be able to tell by their reaction to their dad coming home. Do they look scared? Do they run up to him with smiles?

Being a nanny you're very close to this family and unless you're completely clueless, you'd definitely would've picked up on something by now.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:PP here again - Also, you'd be able to tell by their reaction to their dad coming home. Do they look scared? Do they run up to him with smiles?

Being a nanny you're very close to this family and unless you're completely clueless, you'd definitely would've picked up on something by now.

I've picked up on some things obviously, which is why I feel, as I said, unsettled. However, some of these things are subtle, and MB and I are reasonably close, so perhaps I am picking up on HER negative feelings about him. She has told me that they are having issues.


The children sometimes seem happy to see their dad, but have complained about him...as in, he pays little attention to them, gets mad at them a lot, etc.

I have not noticed any bruises on the children besides the usual ones from everyday tumbles (like on the knees).

I think I will keep my mouth shut and my eyes open.

Thanks for the advice.

[Anonymous]

As a mandated reporter, if you suspect abuse, you are required to report it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:As a mandated reporter, if you suspect abuse, you are required to report it.

Link? Aren't there different state laws?