How can I help these emotionally and verbally abused children?

[Anonymous]

This is a long story so brace yourselves. I took on this job nannying two girls adopted from Russia when they were 6 and 7. They are now 13 and 14 and I just started working there 4 months ago. When I was hired on it was because their previous nanny (and cousin) passed away. Little by little I learn that the oldest has anger management issues and blames herself for her cousins death and the youngest was physically abused by her cousin (and even kept a journal log of the occurrences). The oldest was sent away to a town about 4 hours away to a foster home for two years! (who does that with their adopted child?) The kids have reported that their father has anger issues, they're yelled at constantly, they're afraid of their mom coming home, they mother told them that if their parents get a divorce its their fault, they told the oldest that they had dreaded her coming home from the foster home, their mom said that if she had known she couldn't do everything she wanted- she never would have adopted them and many other things with heart breaking emotional and verbally abusive content.

Im thinking of contacting someone because it affects the kids academically, emotionally, their health declines from the stress and I'm all they have to turn to. I'm willing to risk my job if it helps them but I dont want to risk it if nothing happens because then they have nobody to turn to. They allowed physical abuse and they are only concerned with themselves. Should I find a way to contact the adoption agency or who can I contact that will make a difference? I need help. THEY need help.

Thanks-

B

[Anonymous]

I am a little confused as to why kids old enough to be babysitters have a nanny, which makes me think you are a troll. But in case you're not, call CPS.

[Anonymous]

because their parents are incompetent and their mom flies out of state to work 4 days a week. Calling CPS is not a guaranteed change though.

[Anonymous]

CPS is a crap shoot. How many hours a week are you working with the girls?

[Anonymous]

OP you could try contacting the guidance counselor at the kid's school. Keep in mind that there may be many complex issues. Kids adopted at age 6-7 from a country that is notorious for abusing and neglecting orphans and not conducting adoptions in a legitimate way (withholding medical and psychiatric information, not screening, corruption etc) are likely to have serious emotional issues. They may be being honest and their parents are in over their heads or they may contributing significantly or manipulative. You just don't know and it sounds like a very difficult situation

[Anonymous]

In order to survive in an orphanage system for that many years, kids usually learn to lie. Everyone around them lies, including the adults. No one tells them the truth about anything and they learn that no one is trustworthy. Reality and fantasy blend. Add to this the fact that kids in orphanages in the former USSR have seen and/or experienced physical and verbal abuse for years. It's part of the culture. Attachment parenting styles have not yet made it into the orphanage system in these countries, needless to say. Caregivers often use force to control the behavior of their many charges.

I would be very careful about assigning behavioral and emotional issues to recent events like the cousin's death. These kids most likely came with these issues, and then had terrible parenting here in the US. It has been a continuum of poor care for their entire lives. Neglect and abuse cause serious emotional and behavioral issues.They have had the extra disruption of being placed in foster care here in the US by adoptive parents who could not cope. They have experienced the death of the cousin. In their minds, nothing lasts. Without intensive therapy, they may not be able to attach. Their attachment to you may be superficial and is a learned response to survival. Just know that, so that you are not surprised down the road.

I'd just be careful not to think of the parents as the ones who caused these issues initially, even if they have now added to them. And I would be very certain that your charges are not lying. Even their journals may be full of lies, or distortions. It's not their fault, but it is their default, if that makes sense. They can't help it, but it is their go-to version of events. They can become very adept at creating a version of events that works for them. This skill helped them to survive in the orphanage. Not every child survives orphanage life, but the survivors do know how to get what they need any way they can.

Tread carefully, whatever you decide. These are big issues.

[Anonymous]

You cannot help and it will harm you psychologically, mentally, and emotionally. Get out.