How long to adjust to new situation before you decide its just a bad fit?

[Anonymous]

We have recently started a nanny share and moved to VA from MD, and I started a job after being a SAHM. My 20-month-old son is having quite a time adjusting to these changes. We've been in our new house for nearly three weeks, my job started last Monday, and the nanny share started on Friday. We have 3 days at our house and 2 days at the other house, but the first three days (Friday, Monday, and today) have been at the other house. My son has been falling asleep fine for his naps but has been woken up early every day by things in the house (the other child woke early once, today there was a repair man in the house making noise, etc.). Normally, my son is a great sleeper and a very happy child but lately he has been more and more over-tired and quite miserable. Today he cried nonstop from the time we got home (he fell asleep in the car) until we put him to bed (an hour early) - and he skipped dinner because he was so upset.

I know that this is a whole lotta change in a short period of time and I want to give him time to adjust. But at what point do I recognize that the situation is a bad fit for my son? How long have others taken to adjust?

Any advice/suggestions are welcome! TIA!

[Anonymous]

All that house switching would make anyone crazy.
Whose idea was it?

[Anonymous]

Your poor child can't adjust to anything until he gets some stability. Ask the nanny which house would work better, and go from there.

[Anonymous]

OP here - we wanted to rotate houses and I figured that if we got on a routine so that everyone (including the kids) knew that M,Tu would be at one house and W, Th, F would be at another, it would be easier than if we rotated by week or by month. I thought if we rotated weekly or monthly, then we would have to readjust (for a few days) every time the house switched.

[Anonymous]

OP, if you really must do switching, I'd recommend monthly. But maybe you don't have to do it at all. I can't imagine it's the best thing for any nanny, either.

[Anonymous]

I would give it time given all the changes. Between a new job, new house and all new people, the kid has a right to need some transition time.

[Anonymous]

The nanny share started on Friday? It's only Tuesday. Definitely too soon to make a decision on fit.

Personally, I'd try a month and see what things are like then. If there are specific, consistent problems, then you might consider a change.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:The nanny share started on Friday? It's only Tuesday. Definitely too soon to make a decision on fit.

Personally, I'd try a month and see what things are like then. If there are specific, consistent problems, then you might consider a change.

+1. There's a lot of change going on for your child and it will take time to get adjusted to everything. I would give the nanny share at least a month before deciding it's not working out. I'm sure it's upsetting and frustrating for you as a mother but just hang in there and give it some time.

[nannydebsays]

As tough as all the changes are on your child, and you, I would tough it out unless you feel the nanny isn't managing his care well.

I would wait at least a month, and I would also consider switching houses only weekly or even monthly p every day you take him somewhere different is another day that adds to the unsettled feelings he is already dealing with, IMO.

[Anonymous]

Yes, I agree that you should give the nanny some more time to try to work out these glitches. It takes at least a few weeks of some trial and error for kids and nanny to get a good rhythm among each other. Have you talked much with the nanny since this arraingement started? How does she think things are going?

On a practical level, is it possible to bring a white noise machine to the other house? That might help if he's being awoken too early. Best wishes.

[Anonymous]

You've got to stop switching houses - your poor son!

Pick a house to use for the share for the next month. Stick to it. Give your son, the nanny, the other family, and yourselves that long to adjust to all of the changes, then revisit any issues or concerns you have at that point.

[Anonymous]

Why did they have a repair guy come on one of their hosting days? I'm guessing they wanted nanny to be able to let him him in? Selfish.

[Anonymous]

I agree that all the house swapping of a huge part of the problem. Could you stay at your house fir the rest of the month to give him a chance to settle in before swapping again? It also helps if both kids have a full sized crib not portable crib. Noise machine is a good idea.

[Anonymous]

I agree.

Your poor son is going through so many changes.

Get him stable for at least a month first, then try and see how things go from there.

I would give it a month.