Referral Nanny......

[Anonymous]

I have a question here.

I am a Nanny who has worked for a wonderful + awesome family for the past 3.5 yrs or so. We have ended on good terms and they have referred me to another family who they are close friends with. (The reason my job ended with them is because their daughter started pre school full-time.)

Well, I started with this new family a few mos. ago and again, I was referred by them from my previous family. My previous family and my current family are good friends and my previous family provided a glowing reference for me and my current family tells me how happy they are to have me working for them.

The problem?
I am just not happy with them.
The job is a little more demanding that I initially thought it would be. I am asked to follow quite a rigid schedule and feel add'l chores are being added without add'l pay. I really do not see this as a good fit and ideally would like to give notice and seek another position on my own. (We don't have a contract so I am not obligated to stay for any amount of time.)
However, I know if I do this, it may make things uncomfortable with my previous family.
It may make them look bad since they so highly recommended me. I mean, I stayed with them for 3.5 yrs. and was a great nanny. No sick days, never late, etc. So after a few mos. with my current family, it won't fair well if I give notice after such a short time. Also, things might be awkward because I just feel like the second family + I are not a good match yet I cannot confide in my first family the reasons why, because they are such good friends with the second family so they may not be able to be objective about the situation.

How can I handle this without damaging my relationship with my first family?

Thanks.

[Anonymous]

I would just tell them that you do not feel like you are the right fit for them and offer to stay until they find someone else! Most people understand the need to find something that is a better fit. I wouldn't think too much into this, I am sure your first family will love you and keep in touch no matter what the circumstance with your current family. Do what makes you happy, life is too short.

[Anonymous]

I agree w/ PP. You come first, not the relationship with your first family. Leave (when you're ready) this position with professionalism, plenty of notice, etc... but don't involve the other family.

You can tell them respectfully that it wasn't a good fit, without having to go into detail. If I were your first employer I would feel badly that I had helped get you into something that didn't work out, but I'd be relieved if you found something better without holding it against me or involving me uncomfortably.

Don't overthink it - just be professional and respectful.

Good luck finding something that's a better fit.

[Anonymous]

Absolutely do not offer to stay "until they find another nanny", unless you're independently wealthy, and you don't need to plan on a beginning date for your next job.
First, secure your next job with a contract. Then give notice based on when your new job needs you. And always get a reference letter before your last day.

[Anonymous]

Agree with the other posters, just let them know it is not a good fit and you would rather them have a nanny that feels it is right for her than for them to have a nanny that isn't feeling it 100%.

[Anonymous]

In the future to avoid a conflict of interest, I would simply find future jobs on my own rather than from referrals. Because when things do not work out, they can be awkward as illustrated here.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:In the future to avoid a conflict of interest, I would simply find future jobs on my own rather than from referrals. Because when things do not work out, they can be awkward as illustrated here.

I see no conflict of interest whatsoever.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:In the future to avoid a conflict of interest, I would simply find future jobs on my own rather than from referrals. Because when things do not work out, they can be awkward as illustrated here.

The best nannies tend to get their job via referral. This is just a situation you have to learn to handle. Be professional, even overly generous, in your efforts to end things well and set them up to find a new nanny, but don't sacrifice your happiness just to avoid an awkward situation. The next time a family offers to refer you, be very clear on your expectations and what is important to you in a new position. For example if a family is going to refer me, I find a tactful way to let them know my current salary and benefit expectation because if its been a few years since I have worked for a family, my rates have likely increased.