Choosing AP - employee or family member?

[Anonymous]

We're about to choose our first au pair. We're down to two candidates. We have no reservations about the quality of the care they would provide. One is very cheerful and peppy. She seems like she would be a tremendous, energetic, solicitous employee. But we don't think we'll connect with her as much as a person. The other is more casual. We could imagine a little drift between our desires and her execution - nothing serious, of course, just on the margins. However, we think we will connect with this second one on a personal level much more. We suspect she's more likely to feel like part of our family. (Hey, we would give an occasional eye-roll too if we were au pairs.) How to choose? What's more important in an au pair - the employee part or the family-member part?

[Anonymous]

Long-time host mom here. Honestly, both are important. The first one sounds better though - you want enthusiastic and creative. Even the best ones are not going to spend lots and lots of time with you. But neither one of these candidates sounds perfect. Are you in rush? In our experience, when you don't get a great all-around feeling about a candidate, your year will end up mediocre. You really want to take your time and get one that is perfect.

[Anonymous]

Agree with PP here.

While some HF-AP relationships work just fine for everyone with an AP (and HF) that really aren't interested in the family dynamic -- I'd pause if you were already having those reservations at the interview stage. You're going to live with this person for a year -- so if you are already sensing that her personality bugs you, or doesn't mesh with yours -- I'd pass.

[Anonymous]

Hmmm, that's a tough call without knowing your family's personality and whether you'd end up bonding with the first one you mentioned after a while. I'd probably go with a more energetic candidate who wants to plan activities and do fun things with the kids, but only if you feel like you'd enjoy each other's company too!