How to handle when it isn't working...

[Anonymous]

We are a week in to working with a new nanny and I just know - this isn't going to work out. How should we handle this? Our contract states that she gets two weeks of severance if we decide during the trial period that it isn't working. Am I wrong to keep her on while we look for someone else? Should I just do this now?

I know some people will tell me I need to give it more time -- but I don't think I can. I'm set to go on maternity leave in 2 months and I can't imagine being cooped up with this woman for four months -- she has done nothing but lecture us since she walked in the door.

[Anonymous]

Keep her on until you find a replacement.

I strongly suggest changing your contract to read "two weeks severance is at the discretion of the employer". This achieves setting the right expectation BUT it gives you needed flexibility to shape this. For example when you find a good nanny and after a few years you plan to let her go many people decide to give ample notice (several weeks not 2) and a severance bonus if the nanny stays until the end date. This gives her an incentive to negotiate a later start time for the next job and you more confidence that you won't be left in lurch if you give her lots of notice.

You also NEVER give severance for instance where the nanny is being terminated for cause or not meeting expectations.

Too many employers don't correct or point out lackluster work performance. They just decide to tell the nanny its not the right fit to avoid an uncomfortable situation. They don't give severance but the nanny doesn't know enough to know its because of her performance. You would see much better nannies if employers were being more honest with their nannies about their job performance and why they are really being let go.

[Anonymous]

OP here -- thanks for the advice and the suggestion for future contracts. Very helpful.

If (or really when) we let this nanny go, we are going to tell her it is because of personality differences that just don't make this a compatible partnership long-term. I think she is good with our son, but she is very emotional about kids, she is a helicopter nanny (and we are more free-range parents), and she constantly lectures us about safety for our kid. We aren't new to this whole parenting thing and the lectures get OLD -- she came in this morning and talked to me for 10 minutes about how I can never, ever turn around for a crying kid while driving because I may get into a crash and kill my kid if I'm not looking straight ahead.

Oh, and she also told me that I couldn't use a certain word with my son (who she has known for all of four days) because it is her "special word" with him. None of this came out in the interview process -- she seemed like a nice, experienced nanny who enjoys kids, period.

[Anonymous]

Keep her while you're finding a replacement (so you have coverage), or - given what you're describing - get a temporary nanny through an agency until you find a permanent solution.

She sounds awful - I would react the same way you are.

I agree about modifying your contract. I don't think two weeks severance when someone is still in a trial period is necessary and there should always be the ability to terminate for cause (without provision of severance).

Glad you realized it quickly at least! It would only get worse over time.

When I was interviewing nannies we met one who was fantastic in tons of ways, and very experienced. But when we had her in our house and she started criticizing how we had the changing station set up that was the end. "Well, I'll have to fix this right away". Oh really? Nice to meet you...

Hope you find someone great.

[Anonymous]

Tell her so she can be looking.

[Anonymous]

If (or really when) we let this nanny go, we are going to tell her it is because of personality differences that just don't make this a compatible partnership long-term. I think she is good with our son, but she is very emotional about kids, she is a helicopter nanny (and we are more free-range parents), and she constantly lectures us about safety for our kid. We aren't new to this whole parenting thing and the lectures get OLD -- she came in this morning and talked to me for 10 minutes about how I can never, ever turn around for a crying kid while driving because I may get into a crash and kill my kid if I'm not looking straight ahead.

Oh, and she also told me that I couldn't use a certain word with my son (who she has known for all of four days) because it is her "special word" with him. None of this came out in the interview process -- she seemed like a nice, experienced nanny who enjoys kids, period.

She sounds like a loon. If she isn't a loon I'd still suggest pointing out to her that you don't appreciate being lectured. You can tell her that you value a nanny who gives her advice but giving advice means saying something succinctly once and that's it. Going on and on, lecturing your employer or being argumentative is poor work performance, it has nothing to do with personality. Failure to communicate professionally is a performance issue.

[Anonymous]

I would try to work with her first, but everyone has different amounts of patience. I'd say "I'm welcome to advice, but will not be lectured to in my own home. And of COURSE I can say whatever I want to my son, surely you see how silly it is to tell me I can't, right? You'll be special to him because you are his nanny - you don't need exclusive words to be special."

[Anonymous]

OP, I agree with you on this. Sometimes you just KNOW.

I would let her go and just give her the two weeks severance pay.
You do not have to keep her on.

The sooner you let her go, the better.
For ALL parties involved.

Trust me.

[Anonymous]

OP, can you afford the two weeks severance? I hope so.