MB is always late ! How to quit and still have a good reference ?

[Anonymous]

I just started a new full time nanny job at the end of June (from part time nannying for a different family) . I have been nannying for 5 years now I am there first nanny (had kids in day care full time both parents have busy careers)

I work 715 am - 615 pm , so its a long week with a 3 and 6 year old but I love the kids. The parents on the other hand , MB has been on time twice and late about 20 times anywhere from 15-45 minutes first few time with out notice till I text her asking if I had misunderstood when she would be home.

Yesterday I mentioned at 715 am that I needed to be out on time (but could stay late thursday) to take a friend to pick up her car from shop , she said she would try depending on train. She text me at 615 when I was suppose to be leaving train was slow and shed still be about 15 minutes late. Her ex husband is even worse says he will be there at 6 , text he is running late and shows up at 7 (45 minutes after I am suppose to be out of work) they do pay me overtime but after working 55 hours the extra 15 mins just goes to taxes.

How do I look for another job with out buring thing family as a reference ? I have no problem staying a little late here and there maybe 1-3 times a week but to be home late 4 sometimes 5 days a week is getting old. I wanted this to last long term but am having doubts now , how would you spin this in interview and have them not give me a horrible reference for quiting so soon or just use old refence and pretend this job never existed.

[Anonymous]

Feed the kids icing

[Anonymous]

Read the "Essential Proceedures" thread for your next job.

[Anonymous]

Think if your end time as 7pm. If you leave at 6:15, you're getting off 45 min early.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Think if your end time as 7pm. If you leave at 6:15, you're getting off 45 min early.

You're crazy.

[Anonymous]

Op here is this normal full time employer behavior ? I have worked for some amazing part time families and they were home late once in a great while and would let me know if they would be more then 10 mins late.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Think if your end time as 7pm. If you leave at 6:15, you're getting off 45 min early.

You're crazy.

it's called making lemon aid out of lemons.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Op here is this normal full time employer behavior ? I have worked for some amazing part time families and they were home late once in a great while and would let me know if they would be more then 10 mins late.

Not normal for me. Dh and I both work full time. Between the two of us ONE of us can almost always get home on time unless there's some sort of train delay, but if neither of us can, we have 4 different people we an call for backup to go relieve the nanny.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Think if your end time as 7pm. If you leave at 6:15, you're getting off 45 min early.

Actually, this is great advice. Plenty of nannies work twelve hour days. The problem here is the frustration of expectations. If this is the only problem with the job, change your expectations and you may have the makings of a good fit.

[Anonymous]

You're not the right nanny for this job, they need someone with more flexibility. Be upfront and tell them you're unable to leave late on a regular basis. I don't see why they would give you a bad reference if you're good with the kids.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:
Think if your end time as 7pm. If you leave at 6:15, you're getting off 45 min early.


Actually, this is great advice. Plenty of nannies work twelve hour days. The problem here is the frustration of expectations. If this is the only problem with the job, change your expectations and you may have the makings of a good fit.

I somewhat agree with this. I am very punctual and my DH is always late. It used to drive me nuts but I just mentally add time to whatever he says and adjust when I tell him that I need him to be somewhere.

Where this wouldn't work would be if the nanny just can't bear to work another 30 minutes because the days are too long. The other problem is that the parents may start to come home even later. If her attitude shifts and they perceive that this isn't an issue it could become being an hour or two late not 15-30 minutes. Its not fair to either side for the nanny to pretend she doesn't mind and then get very angry.

[Anonymous]

The notion that OP should have to adjust her thinking is kind of absurd. She was hired for a certain time period. Most adults have a life outside of their job, and schedule accordingly, this should be respected by her employers and it is not fair that just because she is already in their home, they continue to abuse her services. We would all be having a very different conversation if MB were posting that the nanny was consistently 15-45 minutes late, and I doubt there would be any responses along the lines of "Well just think of her start time as 8:00 and then some days she will be super duper early!".

[Anonymous]

Thank you 834 poster op here , I am 5 minutes early everyday , I give my self 15 extra minutes in the
Morning so I am not late in case of traffic and if I'm early will go grab a coffee. If I started to come in late everyday they would have no problem firing me .

I'm going to talk to MB next week because I really enjoy the kids and the job and see if she can improve but it isn't looking good as I have mentioned I need to be out on time twice and both those times they were 20 minutes late.

[Anonymous]

MB here. No, OP, this is not normal behavior and you are right in considering your option to move on. To preserve the reference, you could simply say you're not a good fit anymore, or you need more schedule flexibility, something less direct like that.

[Anonymous]

We would all be having a very different conversation if MB were posting that the nanny was consistently 15-45 minutes late, and I doubt there would be any responses along the lines of "Well just think of her start time as 8:00 and then some days she will be super duper early!".

Actually changing the start time usually is a suggestion that gets posted several times when MBs post about nannies being late. Nannies also bristle at the notion of getting their pay docked for showing up late.

Its easier for MBs to find a new nanny than for a nanny to find a new job. Its even harder for a nanny without a current reference. OP is smart to think before acting.

I do agree that she should look but it will be harder without a reference. One point in her favor is that she has only been there since June. Its much more plausible that this isn't a fit issue. When nannies leave jobs that they have been at for a 1-3 years and can't produce a reference its a red flag that this is a mediocre nanny. NOt bad enough to fire but not great enough to give a reference. OP shouldn't stick it out for several years if this isn't a job that will yield a wonderful reference.