Youngest charge extremely attached to me

[Anonymous]

Hi all,

Looking for some advice. I'm a nanny for two kids, a 2 year old boy and and 8 month girl. I have been with this particular family for around 6 months. I've been having an issue lately with my youngest charge. Since I have started, she has become very attached to me, and in the last few weeks she has started showing a strong preference for me over her parents. If we are both around, she will cry if I'm not holding her. If she sees me, she will immediately reach out for me to hold her instead of her parents. She even calls me Mama, and never says it to her mom. The parents always laugh it off, but I can tell it's starting to bother them. The mom made a "joking" comment today about how "her own baby hates her". This wasn't an issue with their first child, who is all about Mom and I'm definitely second banana if she's around. I'm their second child's first nanny, so I think they don't know how to react. I honestly don't know what to do. Any tips/has anyone else dealt with this?

More info- I work 50 hours a week, Mom works late fairly often, dad is home in the evenings for bedtime routine. The oldest child is very strong willed and a handful (ie spoiled), so in early days my youngest charge spent a lot of time in bouncers and playpens, without too much extra attention.

[Anonymous]

You can't have it all- a relative of mine worked 60 hour weeks and her kids aren't terribly attached to her now that they are grown. If you let a stranger raise your kid there are going to be issues. Mom needs to either make a change or stop whining.

[Anonymous]

PP is wrong. This is just a phase, OP, so try not to worry about it. All kids go through preferences...sometimes only mommy will do, sometimes only daddy, sometimes only nanny or auntie. You can definitely help the MB feel better by telling her this is normal and encouraging the baby to look forward to mommy coming home, but even if you do nothing, everything will work out just fine and she will know and love all her caregivers appropriately.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:PP is wrong. This is just a phase, OP, so try not to worry about it. All kids go through preferences...sometimes only mommy will do, sometimes only daddy, sometimes only nanny or auntie. You can definitely help the MB feel better by telling her this is normal and encouraging the baby to look forward to mommy coming home, but even if you do nothing, everything will work out just fine and she will know and love all her caregivers appropriately.

+1

I agree it's just a phrase and I've been threw the exact situation that you've written about, OP. Nothing to be overly concerned about as it will pass but in the meantime let the mother no it's a phase that she shouldn't take it to personal.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You can't have it all- a relative of mine worked 60 hour weeks and her kids aren't terribly attached to her now that they are grown. If you let a stranger raise your kid there are going to be issues. Mom needs to either make a change or stop whining.

This is correct.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:
PP is wrong. This is just a phase, OP, so try not to worry about it. All kids go through preferences...sometimes only mommy will do, sometimes only daddy, sometimes only nanny or auntie. You can definitely help the MB feel better by telling her this is normal and encouraging the baby to look forward to mommy coming home, but even if you do nothing, everything will work out just fine and she will know and love all her caregivers appropriately.


+1

I agree it's just a phrase and I've been threw the exact situation that you've written about, OP. Nothing to be overly concerned about as it will pass but in the meantime let the mother no it's a phase that she shouldn't take it to personal.

+1000.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
PP is wrong. This is just a phase, OP, so try not to worry about it. All kids go through preferences...sometimes only mommy will do, sometimes only daddy, sometimes only nanny or auntie. You can definitely help the MB feel better by telling her this is normal and encouraging the baby to look forward to mommy coming home, but even if you do nothing, everything will work out just fine and she will know and love all her caregivers appropriately.


+1

I agree it's just a phrase and I've been threw the exact situation that you've written about, OP. Nothing to be overly concerned about as it will pass but in the meantime let the mother no it's a phase that she shouldn't take it to personal.

+1000.

Sure. Feel better?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
PP is wrong. This is just a phase, OP, so try not to worry about it. All kids go through preferences...sometimes only mommy will do, sometimes only daddy, sometimes only nanny or auntie. You can definitely help the MB feel better by telling her this is normal and encouraging the baby to look forward to mommy coming home, but even if you do nothing, everything will work out just fine and she will know and love all her caregivers appropriately.


+1

I agree it's just a phrase and I've been threw the exact situation that you've written about, OP. Nothing to be overly concerned about as it will pass but in the meantime let the mother no it's a phase that she shouldn't take it to personal.

+1000.

Sure. Feel better?

This

[Anonymous]

Prepping the child for mommy coming home (mommy is going to play with you soon!) and looking at pictures of mommy and daddy throughout the day (I love the picture books and laminated photos), all with excitement for mommy, as well as being excited when mommy comes home may help. Reassuring Mom will help too. When my charge cried for me, MB also cried. It is not fun for anyone!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Prepping the child for mommy coming home (mommy is going to play with you soon!) and looking at pictures of mommy and daddy throughout the day (I love the picture books and laminated photos), all with excitement for mommy, as well as being excited when mommy comes home may help. Reassuring Mom will help too. When my charge cried for me, MB also cried. It is not fun for anyone!

Sounds like a good act.

[Anonymous]

It's just a phase. Don't worry. Perfectly normal between 8-12 months.

[Anonymous]

I agree w/ the others but would add the following - don't let the child call you Mama. Teach her your name (or whatever you want to be called) and correct her. Also, reassure the parents that it's a phase and you're helping her work through it.

And - don't enoucrage the clinging and crying. Part of your job is to have happy, calm transitions at the beginning and end of your time w/ the child(ren). Make those times happy, anticipatory times - don't indulge or cultivate crying and sadness around your departure. (You may not be doing that, no reason to assume you are, but it can be a very human response to coddle/soothe a baby that's crying when you leave and that may just reinforce the behavior.)