Toddlers and learning right from wrong?

[Anonymous]

Hey, first time ft nanny here. I am doing alot of the 'discipline' (i use the word looslesy as she's only 2) ie: time outs for the family I work for since I am with their children 50 hours per week. The older child just came into her terrible twos and I am trying to decifer the best time out policy and how to implement it. So please nannys and mb's I would love to hear step by step how to handle discipline, warnings and time outs for a 2year old

[Anonymous]

What kinds of negative behavior is she doing? How old is the other child?

[Anonymous]

She is two, she throws food on the ground from her high chair looking for reactions, takes toys away from her 11mo brother, she will push him over at times. Normal toddler things, but I've never been the one coming up with how to handle these behaviors, the parents normally tell me
How they like it handle but my current mb/DB are the kind of parents who want me to handle it how I see fit.

[Anonymous]

7:51 here. I recommend starting with food time. Next time she drops food on the floor, simply start putting everything away and clean up. Meal time is over. Show NO emotion, just do it. Say absolutely nothing, except "all done" one time, in a VERY neutral tone. No reprimand or punishment, we're simply done.

That is the most direct and efficient way to correct that behavior. Key is to be neutral, not mad or agitated.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:7:51 here. I recommend starting with food time. Next time she drops food on the floor, simply start putting everything away and clean up. Meal time is over. Show NO emotion, just do it. Say absolutely nothing, except "all done" one time, in a VERY neutral tone. No reprimand or punishment, we're simply done.

That is the most direct and efficient way to correct that behavior. Key is to be neutral, not mad or agitated.

I agree with this for dropping food. You could also just ignore her when she does that since she's looking for a reaction. Eventually she'll lose interest when you don't respond.

As far as discipline for other things it depends on exactly what it is. You don't want to use a time out for everything because it can be overused. For example, if my 2 year old if my 2 year old is banging a toy into the wall I first tell him not to and redirect him. If he does it a second time I warn him that if he does it again I will take the toy away and if he does it a 3rd time the toy is taken away for 2 minutes (1 minute per age). That usually works but if he does it after I give it back it gets taken away for the rest of the day. I reserve time outs for things like hitting or pushing.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:7:51 here. I recommend starting with food time. Next time she drops food on the floor, simply start putting everything away and clean up. Meal time is over. Show NO emotion, just do it. Say absolutely nothing, except "all done" one time, in a VERY neutral tone. No reprimand or punishment, we're simply done.

That is the most direct and efficient way to correct that behavior. Key is to be neutral, not mad or agitated.

This. And be consistent. That age cannot really understand that the behavior is not appropriate. Being firm, unemotional and consistent will encourage change in the child.

[Anonymous]

All of the suggestion given are spot on. One of the biggest things to consider, though, is consistency. You need to sit down with your employers and inform them how you plan to discipline (if they are leaving it up to you to decide) and stress how important that the same methods are followed when you are not around.

[Anonymous]

*how important it is that...

[Anonymous]

I rarely use time-outs, because I don't see how a toddler is going to put it together that x behavior is related to y time-out. I try to just give kids consequences for their behavior.

I like the pp who suggested to just calmly put food (or crayons, or toys) away. In my experience, even toddlers learn that their behavior produces consequences one way or the other. That is a lifelong lesson - not so much with time-outs or the "1-2-3" nonsense.

Depending on the child, something else that can help is to validate their feelings. Sorry to use this pop-psychology term. For example, if I see she is about to take a toy from her little brother, I'll preemptively say, "don't take that toy from him." She'll look at me, but I can see she is still inching toward him to take it. I say, "I know you want to use it, but he'll be done soon. It's hard to wait sometimes, isn't it?" That often diffuses her. But if she goes ahead and takes it, I pick her up and remove her from whatever we're playing with. She'll often cry, then I say, "are you going to share? we can all play if we all take turns." When she agrees, we go on playing.

[Anonymous]

I have to disagree PP, toddlers can distinguish time outs as a consequence just as easily as taking something away. I dont think they are appropriate for every circumstance, I use them maily in instances of hitting or extreme tantrums. I have always found that they 1) are good for diffusing a high intensity moment and 2) are an appropriate consequence for truly unacceptable behaviors (hittin, kicking, biting, out of hand talking back, etc.). Along with other means of "discipline", I have used time outs with kids as young as 18 months, and they are always very clear on what they mean.

[Anonymous]

CONSISTENCY!! Most important thing. Stay firm..if you make a rule one day, make sure it's a rule from then on and not just once in a while. Make sure parents are on the same page--going through a phase right now with my 2 y/o charge. He runs straight to his mom when I say no and she let's him have/do whatever I told him he couldn't. Frustrating and inconsistent.