Discipline problem in our nanny share....

[Anonymous]

We're in a nanny share with a wonderful, sweet nanny. Our daughter is 9 months and the other girl is almost 2. Recently when we've gone to pick up/drop off our baby, we've seen the other girl acting aggressively towards our daughter - trying to hit her, screaming at her, etc. It's not every day but happens enough that we're starting to worry. Our nanny always steps in and stops the other girl before she does any harm, but is this just a huge red flag? Is it normal terrible two's behavior? Obviously we're planning to talk to the nanny - should we also talk to the other parents?

[Anonymous]

Do some social activity with the other family so you can get a better picture of the dynamics between the two children. Let us know your observations.

[Anonymous]

It sounds like your DD may require more attention from your nanny which is making the 2 year old act out/seek attention. I would discuss with your nanny and see how often this is happening and how she handles it. I would hold off on talking to the other family unless you aren't able to resolve your concerns with your nanny. The age gap between both children is large enough that they have different needs and interests and from your post I can see that you are concerned but handling this appropriately. Try to talk to your nanny at pickup and come up with a plan together on how to resolve the situation. The "terrible 2's" is a hard age because the LO is probably still not able to speak or express what she's feeling so in turn she may act out. If you love your nanny, have faith that she will take care of this while making you feel comfortable that your DD is in a happy and safe environment. Good luck OP.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Do some social activity with the other family so you can get a better picture of the dynamics between the two children. Let us know your observations.

This is also a great idea. Wouldn't have thought of that myself. Please update us if you decide to go down that route of a play date with both children and see how the little girls parents handle her behavior if she acts out.

[Anonymous]

Thank you both so much! These are great ideas and very helpful. You're right, we're trying to handle this carefully but also with our baby's best interests in mind. Sigh.

[Anonymous]

OMG, let me assure you that this is VERY normal two year old behavior.

I know this from being beaten up on a daily basis (and intervening constantly) by/between my not quite 2 yr old twins (boy/girl).

It is normal and a phase. I'm not saying you shouldn't manage it carefully, but try to be kind. Odds are you'll be going through it w/ your little violater in a year or so!

[Anonymous]

Thank you, 10:30!!! It helps so much to know this kid isn't just a jerk. Sometimes she's so sweet and gives our daughter hugs, and other times it's like, raaarrr. And yes, I'm sure we'll be going through it soon enough with our little one. I hope yours cut you some slack soon!

[Anonymous]

Also, I would talk to the parent first, and then the nanny. She won't be able to make deductions on how to deal with their kid, they do.
I was in a nanny share with parents that wanted to talk to me about how the other little girl was raised and disciplined and wrote me some pretty disrespectful emails about her. I forwarded those emails to the other family so they can sl sit together and one up with how they want me to deal with it. The girls were both two, though.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OMG, let me assure you that this is VERY normal two year old behavior.

I know this from being beaten up on a daily basis (and intervening constantly) by/between my not quite 2 yr old twins (boy/girl).

It is normal and a phase. I'm not saying you shouldn't manage it carefully, but try to be kind. Odds are you'll be going through it w/ your little violater in a year or so!

+1 (Mom of a 2 year old)