question for nannies...
![[Post New]](/nanny-forum/templates/default/images/icon_minipost_new.gif){kind=icon}
Anonymous
|
I'm hiring for someone to care for my son, while my husband and I both work from home. How can we make it most comfortable for all involved? Just wondering if there is any advice or expectations that can be managed ahead of time -- for us (as the parents) and for our potential nanny (who has only cared for kids while parents work out of the house).
Thanks in advance! |
Anonymous
|
I am a nanny for a WAHM. This is the first family I have worked for with a parent in the home. It definitely took a little getting used to, but by sitting down day one and putting boundaries in place, it has worked out really well. Just make it clear that you respect the nanny's role while she is in charge. I am in charge of discipline and decision making while I am on the clock despite MB being in the home, They respect my space greatly and allow me to run the day the way I would if the parents were not home.
The most difficult thing for me has been the kids wanting to see mom and dad while they are working. DB would set up his work in the dining room originally, right in the middle of the house where the kids and I are getting ready for our day. This was not realistic, the kids were pound and wanted to talk to dad who was sitting right there. It is easier when the kids know that mom and dad are in their offices and it is work time. |
Anonymous
| How old is your son, OP, and how big is your house? |
Anonymous
|
Get ready for a bunch of people here to say a nanny should never work with parents in the home.
One important thing is that your children need to know that nanny is an authority figure. They are expected to follow what she says as much as they follow what you say. If possible in the beginning, I recommend you and DH leaving the house for periods of time so kids and nanny can get used to each other. The kids need to see that you stand behind her and trust her. How old is your son? |
Anonymous
Hi OP! I'm a nanny and one of my first FT nanny positions was with two parents who worked from home. Their son was an infant when I started so we set up some great systems that persisted as he got older. It'll be tougher if your son is already old enough to know how to find you (and to throw a tantrum when he can't have you), but it's not impossible. Some important things: Once you go into your office, close the door and attempt to stay there. It is very hard for kids to see their parents walking by repeatedly throughout the day and not get to go with them or have them stop and play. Take snacks, water, phone charger, anything you think you're going to need and stay in your office as much as possible. If you would like, and if it works for the schedule your son is on, sharing lunch together was a ritual we all had that I loved. Both parents would come down and of the three adults, two would cook something up (sandwiches usually) while the other entertained the baby, and then the four of us would eat together. It was a nice way for their son to see all of us together and to not automatically associate me with mom and dad leaving. It also gave them time with their son and provided us with the opportunity to get to know each other better. Try to be comfortable with the nanny taking your son out during the day. Even in the best of circumstances it can be tough to feel like your boss is watching or listening to you for an entire 8-10 hour day, and will help the two of them bond to have 1:1 time out of the house. It also gives you the chance to escape your office and do some work in the dining room or the living room if you prefer. Set some firm boundaries with yourself when it comes to not intervening in their day. If you hear your son having a meltdown, or having a tough time going down for his nap, you should pretend you're at the office and not interfere. Just like your nanny could handle it if you worked out of the home, she can handle it with you there (even though it'll be tough for you to listen to sometimes). If there is anything you see or hear your nanny doing that you're not comfortable with, save it for a review or an after-work chat. Try to refrain from giving her feedback throughout the day (or every day). Additionally, know that it will tougher because you'll see all the things she does differently from you (uses a different cup for milk than you would, sings more songs before nap time, etc.) but if it's nothing that is harming your son or your house, please let her do things her way as much as possible. It's an important way for her to feel confident and autonomous in her position, which is key to her feeling happy with the arrangement. If your son is a little bit older, make sure you verbalize when Ms. Julie is in charge so he knows you'll back her up. If she says no dessert today because he chucked his toys at her head one too many times, don't undermine him by serving up ice cream at lunch. Similarly, make sure the two of you are on the same page regarding discipline techniques so she can feel confident using them (time-outs, take a break, loss of privilege, loss of toy, added chore, whatever is appropriate in your home and for your child) and you'll feel confident supporting her when she does. Seeing you (and DH) and nanny as a team will be fundamental in your son buying into the nanny's authority. |
Anonymous
| I work FT in a home where the DB works from home. He generally stays in his office and doesn't get in my way. If the baby is asleep he might sneak downstairs and grab a snack or some coffee. I love my job and appreciate having such great bosses. And the bonus, getting to leave early every now and then if he wants to spend time with the baby. |
Anonymous
| *undermine her |
Anonymous
|
16:54 gave some great advice. I've been working for a WAHM for almost 4 years, and DB also works from home on occasion. My employers make it clear when they are "going" to work. When they are working the kids know that I am in charge. They rarely sneak away to try to see their parents, and when they do they are sent back to me.
MB does allow the kids to knock on her door when they really need it AFTER they have asked me, but the kids know that if they knock once and she doesn't respond (b/c she's on a call) she will come out to find them when she is available. My employers also let me run the day. I try to give MB an idea of our plans each morning, but if they change and she's in her office I am free to do as I see fit. Because she is home and generally aware of our comings and goings I try to text MB if we'll be back later than anticipated so she doesn't wonder where we are. We also have a rule that the kids can't try to get a different answer if a different adult happens to walk through at the right time. They have also made it clear to the kids that when they do emerge from their offices it is usually to get something to eat rather than to play. The best things to do are finding a way to let your son know when nanny is in charge and that you will be available at certain times for certain things. It's also best to determine how you want to be made aware comings and goings (if they'll be going places)...in the morning, as they happen, etc... Lay out expectations for downtime as well so that she knows what you are ok with her doing while your son rests (if that applies) since you will likely see her at times many employers don't see their nanny. |
Anonymous
|
First off, you have to make 100% sure she is ok with two parents who work out of the home. Most nannies are not. You may also want to do a few trial days with the nanny to make sure it is a good fit for both of you.
I do not know how old your son is, but if he is old enough, you set the boundaries right away that while mommy and daddy are in their office, he is not to disturb you, unless it is an absolute emergency. Back up the nanny. Do not fall into the situation of your child being told one thing by the nanny, child doesn't like answer, so he goes to you for a different one. Try to stay out of their way as much as possible. Again, I don't know how old your son is, but if he is going through a period of separation anxiety and you pop in every five minutes only to leave again, it will make life miserable for everyone. If you want to see your son during the day, try to have a set time for it. |
Anonymous
|
Thank you so much for the responses! My son is 2.5 years.
I love the idea for a trial run. We met today at a cafe and I loved her. My son did, as well -- and he normally needs a good long warm-up period with anyone new, but she got right on the floor and were rolling toys back and forth and had him talking & cracking up within minutes (yay!). One question (but please add if I should be aware of more ahead of time), I've asked her to come by our house tomorrow to (a) meet my husband for a brief 2nd interview and (b) spend an hour 1:1 time with our son. I should pay her for the hour -- yes? |
Anonymous
| As long as you are home, no need to pay her. It would just be part of the interview. |
Anonymous
|
Yes, pay her if she is alone and caring for your son.
Your nanny has never worked with SAH parents before. What has she said about her expectations of this situation? BTW, your posts show that you are a considerate, thoughtful person. This stuff wouldn't even cross the minds of many employers. |
Anonymous
Wrong. Since MB and DM will be working from home, does that mean nanny shouldn't get paid? Anytime I've done a trial run, whether it be an hour or 8- I always got paid generously for my time. |
Anonymous
I agree with 19:11. |
Anonymous
| It is part of the interview process. It would be different if she were leaving the nanny with him for a few hours. For one of my interviews with a corporation, I had to give a training demonstration, should I have gotten paid for that? I don't think so. |