Faking a reference check?

[Anonymous]

My MB vents quite a bit (compared to my previous MB) and I generally understand her frustrations and just listen or offer some little support. It can be about inconsiderate people on her commute, about news, just general stuff. When I started working with her I noticed she complained about her husband, in laws and her parents but I didn't pay attention to it before. I started to pay attention when she complained about her former nannies, and in the process telling me personal things about them. It made me so uncomfortable that I generally don't tell her any details about my life now. I can only imagine what she says about me if she's irritated with me. I will be job hunting soon and will use her as a reference. Do you think I should do a mock reference check to hear what she will say? have a friend call as a potential employee when i give my notice. She generally tell me she's happy with me but I'm not sure.
She has never brought up any issues she has with me, if any. I have been working with them for a year and half now.

[Anonymous]

That's a good idea.

[Anonymous]

I'm not 100% comfortable with the idea but I've been trying to think of a reason not to do so and am coming up blank, so I'd say yes, that seems like a sensible way to protect yourself.

[Anonymous]

Could you ask for a written reference letter? I wouldn't risk doing a fake call unless you are positive that your friend can really pull it off. If your MB writes a really good written reference letter she is less likely to give a verbal reference that is completely opposite.

I would add as a MB references that bring up negatives were actually a plus to me as long as the negatives were not things that were relevant to the job I was offering. The glowing, walks on water ones ended up being a neutral in my book because its not believable or honest. No one is perfect and loves everything about an employee.

The things that I saw as red flags were lack of initiative, laziness, inflexibility with tasks or no boundaries type things.

[Anonymous]

I think getting a written reference is a great idea. I don't see how a fake call can help you in your job search. If you say something in your interview about anything you learned, your interviewer might wonder how you know about it. It also seems to be a bad idea in general to lie or make fake phone calls.

[Anonymous]

Is your position ending on a good note, or have you had enough and want to leave? Yes I agree get a reference letter. Does your MB know you are looking? If not you could be in a bit of a pickle. Knowing that your boss shares info on past nannies is a huge red flag, why would she not do the same to you? Best luck.
Sherri

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think getting a written reference is a great idea. I don't see how a fake call can help you in your job search. If you say something in your interview about anything you learned, your interviewer might wonder how you know about it. It also seems to be a bad idea in general to lie or make fake phone calls.

Many nannies still talk to their ex-employers and many of these will tell the nanny what was said in their reference phone calls. If a potential family is asking them (past family) about something that seems really good for me or gives off a red flag to them, they let me know. They will say that they think that family might be too controlling, or say that it seems like they would be great about giving benefits to a PT position. So having a friend call and then talk to you about it would only reveal the same sort of information, but the other way around. What the "potential family" (in this case, your friend) finds out about what your past family has to say.

I do agree that it is better to not make fake reference phone calls if not needed, but sometimes if you are unsure about how an ex-MB might respond to some questions about yourself and your work habits, it is a good idea to figure out how to present yourself in the future (using this info) so that the negatives they might say don't cause you to lose out on a potential position.

[Anonymous]

Yes OP she DEFINITELY talks badlly about you behind your back. DEFINITELYYYY! I know people like your MB. They enjoy venting, ranting and/or talking badly about everyone and anyone. They're usually doing it to feel better about themselves and they generally don't trust peoples intentions (and why would they? look what they do.) They LOVE gossip and enjoy listening to drama (when it doesn't involve them).

Tell yourself this.. Why would she speak badly about her own family but not you? I bet, because you're a main part of their lives and their childrens lives, that she talks about you more then anyone else. Probably nitpicking at little things daily.

If she knows you're leaving because you don't want to work for her anymore she will definitely paint you in a negative light. If you tell her you're moving or attending college part time, etc she will still paint you in a bad light.

Also, if you have a feeling she would give you a bad refrence then you're most likely correct. You no her better then we do.

[Anonymous]

19:58 sounds pretty paranoid with her wide sweeping generalizations that aren't based in anything in your OP.

Ignore her.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:19:58 sounds pretty paranoid with her wide sweeping generalizations that aren't based in anything in your OP.

Ignore her.

Actually I think she makes some good points

[Anonymous]

A little shady but not a bad idea, OP.

[Anonymous]

OP here. I do feel uncomfortable about faking the call but unfortunately I don't feel she's telling me if there are things she would like me to change. I expected it at the 1 year mark but she said I was doing a good job. I only started getting concerned when topics of the former nannies came up. And also on 2 other times the older kids told me there were conversations about sometimes I did wrong. I found it odd but ignored it thinking if it was serious she would bring it up. But I will just go ahead and ask for a letter of reference then maybe will use it as an opportunity to see if there is anything she thought I could improve on.
I'm job hunting because I actually will be going to school in September and hope to find a part time position.

[Anonymous]

*Sorry for the typos *something

[Anonymous]

19:58 sounds pretty paranoid with her wide sweeping generalizations that aren't based in anything in your OP.

Ignore her.



Actually I think she makes some good points

Name one.

[Anonymous]

OP I would caution you about who you choose as a fake reference. If your employer is bright and your friend can not sound like a mom looking for childcare then you'll get caught quickly. I was amazed at how easy it was to pick up on fake references that prospective nannies gave out on their list of references. Its normal during the course of reference checks to make some amount of polite conversation. In the DC metro area its also very easy for people to be very familiar with different areas. There is more that can trip up a fake reference or fake reference checker than you might think.