What do we actually need--nanny? share? sitter?

[Anonymous]

FTM here, expecting in winter. I work full-time, but husband owns his own business and sets his hours and so we don't anticipate needing 40 hours/wk of childcare after I go back to work. We've given up finding center-based part-time care since we get laughed out of the room when we ask (ok not really, but how they manage to say "sure you can bring your child in part-time, it just costs the same as full-time" with a straight face is beyond me). I'm stuck in how to go about looking for PT help since we are pretty flexible, probably too flexible, right now re what we actually need. We could make 2 days a week work, we could make mornings-only work... Not sure how to look for a nanny share under those conditions, or if we even need one if we need two or fewer days a week of support.

[Anonymous]

You need at LEAST two mornings a week. The baby will poop all over the crib bedding. You'll have a baby so people will want to visit. You'll need to clean before they come and after they leave. Your boobs will leak. On all your bras. Your baby will projectile vomit across the room. You'll want to deep clean the grout because the baby is licking it. Shit just ... comes up (and out) when you have a baby.

Start by putting out an ad for a part-time nanny for two mornings a week with a possibility of an increase.

[Anonymous]

While it's hard to know, it would be best to try and figure out what you need in terms of hours.

Let's think about it this way: DH needs 20 hours of solid work time. So you're thinking the bare minimum according to that -- 2 days. What if a project comes up? What if he'd like to run some errands or have some time to himself at the gym? Grocery shopping? Meal prep? Laundry?

How many hours are you willing to commit to? If you thought 30 would be enough, you could definitely find a share -- the other family might need more time, but you could have five 6-hour days with that, or four 7.5-hour days.
Some days if you needed less time, your DH could pick up LO early. But the hours would be 'booked' if you needed them.

[Anonymous]

Agree that you need to determine first your hourly needs (20? 30?) Then go about checking posting people are listing looking for a nannyshare. I think best matches woudl be with someone needing 3 days a week (you take other 2) or else someone needing before/after school care if you could sandwich yours in between since that's a tough combo to work out for most nannies.

Just like with a daycare though, in my view, it makes 100% sense to assume that whatever hours you set as the minimum will be what you pay 52 weeks a year. Just because your DH decides to only work 10 hrs one week doesn't mean you suddenly only pay for 10 instead of 20. that may be all that is legally required but it will be a quick way to send a message to the nanny that she should find a more reliable position. (MB, BTW, not a nanny)

[Anonymous]

As someone who tried the "work from home with baby in tow" method.. it didn't work. And to be honest, I felt it wasn't fair to my baby as she needed the attention when I was trying to work. I think your DH really needs to determine how many hours he will work while your working, and then place an ad for a few hours over what he anticipates. I have a 20 hour/week nanny now and I'm still not able to work the entire time due to things that pop up (my DH works a ton, all childcare is on my shoulders). Just a forewarning that the whole "work from home with a baby" isn't really feasible after a few weeks when waking hours increase.. congrats and good luck!!

[Anonymous]

I'd suggest waiting quite a while before looking for a nanny. How long do you expect to be home on maternity leave, and do you want a nanny working any portion of that time?

I didn't search for a nanny until I was in my maternity leave (a few weeks in, with a 4 mth leave). I was a first time parent so didn't really know what it would be like, how my husband and I would cope, just what level of support/help I would welcome, what our routines/preferences would be, how our kids would be, etc... But because I didn't search until after I'd had the kids (but still about 2 mths before I needed anyone to start) I had a MUCH better idea of what we were looking for.

As pps have said - working from home while caring for a baby is much harder than you think. So even though your husband's hours are flexible it might turn out that he needs more protected/covered time to effectively get his job done. It also might be that if you can afford someone for a larger chunk of time you might reap significant additional benefits (someone who can do kids' laundry, cooking, cleaning, etc...)

I would give it time and try to remember that everything you think you know right now about how your life will work is hugely subject to change when reality hits.

[Anonymous]

"working from home while caring for a baby is much harder than you think"

yes. And although some babies nap like a dream the first few months. Others like mine may sleep for at most 20 minutes at a time and take eons to put down to sleep. If he needs to work during a time you are at work, count the hour in what you need.

[Anonymous]

OP here, thanks all. I'm quite aware of the difficulty of working while watching a child and I worry DH is in a bit of denial about it. I feel lots of pressure to find something NOWNOWNOW, which really feels wrong since we have no idea what kind of baby we'll be dealing with, what DH's situation will be, etc. so it's good to hear people think we'll be OK waiting to find someone until after baby is born and more things are certain.

[Anonymous]

Another option is to search for someone who has children in school and could work during school hours.

[Anonymous]

You need something NOW if you want to use a daycare. If you are looking for one of the options you list then there is not as big a time crunch.

[Anonymous]

OP, from the nanny side it's pretty tough to imagine someone looking for a position now that doesn't start until the winter (at the earliest). The people who will be available/looking for work now won't wait until then, and the people who are available then aren't right now (and probably the majority don't know that they'll be in a job search). I'm sure there are exceptions, but if you search/hire now for a position that doesn't start for possibly almost a year the odds of you getting the best pool of candidates, and the best fit for your family, aren't great. Also, the odds of something falling through between now and then are pretty good - there's every chance you'd have to do the whole search over again anyway.

I really think it's too soon to being searching for a nanny. Daycare, as others have said, is something else - that you do need to be exploring, getting on lists for, etc...