personal errands on the job

[Anonymous]

I'm a WAHMB, I have a 2 1/2-year-old son and a 5-year-old daughter. I decided to go back to work when DS was 6 months old, and we have had the same nanny since then. When she first started (at age 19) I had no complaints, other than the fact that she took a little too much time off. We addressed it, she changed immediately. Since then, she has really been excellent.

95% of the time, her schedule is something like this:
8:00-8:30- Arrive, sit with DS if he is finishing breakfast, or take him up to get changed, or somehow else distract him so I can take DD to the bus stop and then sneak to my office.
8:30-9:00 or 9:30- 3 mornings/week DS has classes (fun classes, like bounce class to work on motor skills) at 9, so nanny takes him. If not, this is usually a time nanny uses as a "circle time," like preschool.
9:00 or 9:30-11:00- Class or out to the park or other play activity.
11:00-12:00- Come home, eat lunch
12:00-2:00ish- Nap, nanny usually straightens up the house (she chooses to do this, I do not ask her to) and then does school work, as she takes online classes.
2:00ish-2:30- DS wakes up and usually needs 15-30 mins of "quiet play" to transition. Nanny watches while he plays on his own, or sometimes he'll ask her to read.
2:30-3:30- Usually an art activity/science experiment.
3:30-4:00- Nanny and DS walk to the bus stop to pick up DD and they pay outside until I come out of my office at 4:00.

She also is working on potty training with him throughout the day. Today, she and DS had gone to the mall, which contains one of the playgrounds they frequent. I noticed 2 bags of clothing when I came up to eat lunch (she and I usually eat together in the kitchen while DS naps), and I must have looked puzzled, because nanny said, "Oh, I had ordered some things online and shipping was free if I picked them up in the store. I figured it would be okay since we pass right by it in the mall to get to the playground." I'll admit, a red flag did go off in my head, telling me that she had perhaps done some actual in store shopping today, but I let it go until I saw the accessory she had picked up for DS. She said it was right by the counter and he liked it, so she got it for him, but it made me wonder how much of her time with my son is spent shopping rather than playing in a kid-friendly area, where he should be. I voiced my concern and she showed me the receipt, which matched her confirmation number for her online order, and she also showed me pictures of DS at the playground that day, but I feel uncomfortable now and I don't know what to do with this.

[Anonymous]

Do nothing with this. She was honest. And it's really FINE if a nanny takes a child to run a couple of errands that are on their way every so often. I'm a MB, and am happy for my DD to learn how to shop, how to purchase, how to interact with people properly. It's totally fine.

[Anonymous]

Seriously?! If my long-term nanny (whom is otherwise great) wants to stop by a store on the way to a DS activity to pick something up for herself, I would see no problem with that at all. In fact, as she works almost 50 hrs a week, I encourage her to do so!! The fact that you made her "prove" she wasn't lying to you is ridiculous, IMO. I would NEVER ask my nanny (whom I am supposed to TRUST, remember??) to do something like that. ....GL in the near future if you continue to monitor her every move, you may not have a nanny much longer.

[Anonymous]

I agree with PP. I'm also an MB and I think what she did was totally fine. Occasionally our nanny will ask if I mind if she stops for a quick errand when out with DS and I never mind it. She's still watching him and giving him lots of attention so I don't think it's a big deal at all. Hopefully you have a good relationship with your nanny because I do feel like it might have made her uncomfortable that you questioned whether she was telling the truth or not by checking her receipt. I can understand why you did it but at the same time I could see it making her feel weird knowing you don't trust her enough to take her at her word.

[Anonymous]

You need to relax and get over it. She passed by the mall on her way to the playground and did a quick personal errand that didn't endanger your son in any way. Then you accused her of lying to you. You need to let it go, pronto.

[Anonymous]

Unless you see evidence that this is becoming a problem, I think you should let it go. Why not do it this way? She even had proof that she hadn't been shopping, which should ahve made you feel like a heel for doubting her.

[Anonymous]

I do a fair amount of stuff on the job because I work so many hours. If I interviewed with a family asking for 50-65 hours a week and they weren't okay with some personal errands sometimes I couldn't work for them. If I take half and hour every week or two out of 65 hours that week I don't see how that's a big deal. I run my paycheck to the bank every week so it gets deposited on time. I think the kids will survive sitting at the atm for three minutes on our way to an activity.

[Anonymous]

Your nanny walked past the store she order the stuff from on her way to the play ground. It would have taken her less than 2 minutes for her to grab her stuff.

I'm a nanny and I wouldn't take the kids I work with shopping with me..... Who wants to be trying stuff on with a toddler with you? I bet your nanny doesn't want to be trying stuff on and actually shopping with your DS in tow.

[Anonymous]

I'm a nanny and actually DO shop with my DC's once in awhile. We will stop at Old Navy or TJ Maxx on the way home from an activity or something, and I enjoy looking at the little kids clothes/shoes, as well as passing by the women's section if I'm in need of some sweat pants or something like that. We also go to Target on almost a weekly basis, usually the day the housekeeper is cleaning the house (so we can stay out of her way) to pass the time. Once it starts getting nice outside (finally!), we will spend less time "shopping" and more time outside. (FYI, not in the DC/East coast area)

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Do nothing with this. She was honest. And it's really FINE if a nanny takes a child to run a couple of errands that are on their way every so often. I'm a MB, and am happy for my DD to learn how to shop, how to purchase, how to interact with people properly. It's totally fine.

She wasen't honest. OP noticed the bags and nanny sensed it so that's when she said something. She didn't ask first but I can see how this might be a one time thing but at the same time I can understand OP's concern completely.

[Anonymous]

PP here: meant to say, if you didn't get the implication, that I do not agree with you at all OP. You trust her and it's not like she does this on a daily or even weekly basis, so calm the heck down, and allow her to have a fun day with your son in a natural environment.

[Anonymous]

I'm an MB and I'd be totally fine with this. It sounds like she was pretty straightforward about it. I take my kids on errands sometime too, and even shopping (if I'm up for it - as another poster said, it isn't as though leisurely shopping is really possible with a toddler anyway).

Doesn't really seem like a big deal to me - especially if she's otherwise great.

[Anonymous]

You are way overreacting. The store was in the same mall that they were going to for an activity. Did you expect her to go back to it later just to avoid running into a store for 5 minutes with your kid? You need to calm down.

[Anonymous]

I'm a MB with a long-term nanny and I would be fine with this, too. The only thing I would say is that it would have been nice for her to mention it to you, first. Not required, but nice. She came clean right away and even if you had never found out about it, your kid didn't suffer and probably even enjoyed the change of scenery. Pick your battles.

[Anonymous]

As a nanny I would be irritated if I felt I needed to provide you with proof of what I had just told you after 2 years of employment. It would say to me that you don't really trust me.

I am a nanny who works 50 hours/week. I do personal errands while on the clock. Usually it's while the kids are at preschool, and I always ask MB if she happens to need anything from where I am going. Sometimes I take the kids with me to run errands. Just this week we had to swing by the grocery store on the way home from preschool to pick up an ingredient I needed to make my dinner later that evening. Occasionally it's a quick trip to mail something or to the pet store to pick up pet supplies. Heck, the kids even go with me to the dentist twice/year, and they've been on the occasional last minute doctor's visit or vet visit (maybe half dozen times in 3 1/2 years).

MB always knows when I take the kids on personal errands...sometimes beforehand and sometimes after-the-fact. She likes the kids learning that it's not all about them, and that adults have things to take care of as well sometimes. I make sure not to take advantage of this privilege, and it sounds like your nanny is not someone who is taking advantage of such opportunities. She told you about when she saw your look. If you're concerned ask her to clear all personal errands with you ahead of time.