I'm tired of keeping this kid entertained constantly!
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Anonymous
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Quick post from phone details:
-Pt nanny of 7 yr old from 2:30-7 -In grad school during the day -at first I had been letting him play with his own toys for 30 mins or so, we'd go outside together for 30, we may do art together for a bit. One day mb "found out" that he was reading by himself in the living room for 15 mins and sent me a long text at some ungodly hour about why he shouldn't be doing activities alone. Is it normal for parents to need their kids engaged every waking min? I feel like at his age he should be able to do activities alone (supervised but without my involvement). Wdyt? |
Anonymous
| She thinks you're slacking. Tell her to feel free to install some nanny cams so she can see for herself. Otherwise, she's going to drive you crazy by nitpicking. |
Anonymous
| Ugh. He's 7! He should be having lots of independent play! |
Anonymous
| thats what i was thinking PP, he has "undiagnosed autism" so, i guess thats what im supposed to be playing into. |
Anonymous
Why? So you can study? |
Anonymous
| I am a big believer in independent okay. Kids NEED to know how to entertain themselves. It's not about slacking. It actually benifts the kid. It's like any other skill. Leaving him to read is good too kids need down time after school for sure! |
Anonymous
Does he actually have autism or this something his parents just decided he has? If he is autistic or on the spectrum I can maybe understand where she is coming from but I'm an MB and I think it's really important for my kids to be able to play independently. |
Anonymous
his mother (MB) has told me "he has undiagnosed autism, his drs wont diag but im sure he has it, or maybe aspbergers" (her exact words) |
Anonymous
No, just because every time he wants to play in his treehouse, he expects me to climb up with him even if the neighborhood kids are playing with him too. Every time he wants to play legos his mom insists i be on the ground with him. She has said that she does not want him to have "down time". I know its not all day, but as soon as he gets in the car from school its "NANNY NANNY LETS BUILD A FORT AND MAKE EASY OVEN CAKE AND GO TO TOMMY'S HOUSE AND PLAY WITH HIM AND HIS BROTHERS!!". Even if I go to the bathroom, the second i open the door, he wants to do something else and he can *never* play independently even when he has 6 other kids with him. I do say things like "Timmy, how about you show me how good your drawing is", then its automatically, "NO NO NO I WANT YOU TO DO IT WITH ME!! SIT ON THE FLOOR AND COLOR WITH ME!" gah. |
Anonymous
| She probably also thinks since you are pt that you should entertain him for the time you are there. In my experience, for after school gigs I was there to be a " friend" and to play. Granted they did have independent time when they had homework or reading but for the most part we played. |
Anonymous
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What you are describing, with him needing you every moment, is a clear indication that he NEEDS independent play. Clearly mom is enabling this demanding behavior or he'd have grown out of it by now, so you need to have a talk with her where you can explain the long-term importance of independent play at this age, and also your need for him to be respectful of other people's wants and needs. So if you want to have a cup of tea and chat with him while he builds a lego tower, he needs to learn to accept that he can't always have what he wants, because that is emotionally UNHEALTHY for him.
I work with a 1 year old who is the same, but it's expected at this age. I build in excuses (like making a cup of tea or folding a load of laundry while he's awake) to not answer every demand immediately specifically because I want him to learn to be patient with me and with other people (and he is so far an only child). This is really, really important but ESPECIALLY by the elementary ages when he is going to encounter serious social disadvantages by acting that way. Schedule a chat with your MB pronto. |
Anonymous
The mom sounds a little crazy (and I'm an MB). |
Anonymous
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I hate to say it OP, but some kids just like having the nanny there to play with. Is he an only child? I noticed the kids that are only children want a lot more interaction from you. It's part of your job whether you like it or not.
That being said, my charge the other day asked if I wanted to play "kitties", basically, pretend to be a cat. It's cute, but I felt ridiculous crawling around on the floor pretending to be a cat. |
Anonymous
| She wants you to do it so that she doesn't have to. On the weekends he can play alone and she probably says "monday you can play with nanny, now go watch tv". |
Anonymous
This may be true, though I doubt it is that extreme. However, there is nothing wrong with that scenario if it is true. The mom is not required to play with the child in the same way she expects her sitters to do, just as sending him off to school in the morning does not obligate her to teach him algebra all weekend. OP, MB clearly has some concern about the kid's social skills and has defined the job as requiring hands-on interaction at all times. That's her prerogative. If it's not for you--and I understand why it might not be--you should look for a different job. If you would be willing to do it at a higher rate, explain to the MB that you did not realize during the interview process that the child has special needs, and now that you understand his challenges and her expectations, you feel a higher rate is in order. Incidentally, when I was in high school I babysat for a child who had severe emotional and behavioral disabilities and acted just like the child you describe. The family was lovely, the mom worked as a local teacher, the elder sibling was totally normal (a high achiever, in fact), and the parents were really struggling to manage the younger child and get themselves the breaks they needed to stay sane. In other words, don't assume the mom is nuts or lazy; she is human and trying to both understand and meet her kid's unusual needs. They never actually told me the kid had problems, and I am not even sure they had a proper diagnosis until the child was older. Honestly, it was beyond exhausting and like nothing I've ever experienced before or after, and I spent a lot of years working very hands-on with kids. Yours may be a job that is best suited for a teenager with lots of energy or for multiple providers working shorter or less frequent shifts. |