Would reduce your nanny's bonus for this?

[Anonymous]

We have a long time nanny who will be leaving us in a few months to have her first child. She works for us five hours each day in the afternoons and works for another family in the mornings.

We learned recently that our nanny has been double billing us and the other family for two hours per week on a day when my child has an after school activity. She is supposed to be at our home, doing work around the house (like laundry, cleaning play areas) but instead has taken on the extra two hours with the other family.

We are upset about this, mostly because of the outright deception rather than the money. And it has been going on since January, so it’s no accident or misunderstanding. We haven’t told our nanny about our discovery, and don’t especially want to rock the boat so close to the end of our working relationship.

Here’s my question for DCUM. At this point, our nanny only has another two months or so with us. We were planning to give her a large cash bonus when she leaves (she is aware we are giving her something but does not know the exact amount). We are now planning to reduce this bonus by $800, which is roughly the amount we are losing to the double-billing.

Do you think this is the best way to handle the situation?

[Anonymous]

Sure, why not? Sorry about this horrible person that you entrusted with the care of your child.

[Anonymous]

I don't think you should give her any bonus at all, but if you want to simply reduce it that seems perfectly fine. Tell her when you say farewell exactly why you held onto that money so she doesn't walk away thinking she got away with this.

[Anonymous]

I wonder what the pay was.

[Anonymous]

I would not pay a bonus and I would discuss it with her and only pay for the hours worked. I would ask for the money back she did not work and find a new nanny asap.

[Anonymous]

We learned recently that our nanny has been double billing us and the other family for two hours per week on a day when my child has an after school activity. She is supposed to be at our home, doing work around the house (like laundry, cleaning play areas) but instead has taken on the extra two hours with the other family.

This is a very big offense and very dishonest. I can't understand why you are even considering giving her a bonus when she leaves, let alone posting on a nanny board whether its OK to reduce it. Please do not give this nanny a great reference and omit this. Its not fair to another family who will be trusting you to be honest.

[Anonymous]

This stuff is unreal to me. OP, are you "educated"?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This stuff is unreal to me. OP, are you "educated"?

What do you not understand???

[Anonymous]

I have to agree - I wouldn't give a bonus at all. But if you still want to, I think it's reasonable to reduce it. And please alert her other family if they're not aware of the situation. They deserve to know so they can make their own decision about her.

[Anonymous]

This nanny is basically stealing from you and you still want to give her a bonus? No way! I'm a nanny who is a big advocate for treating and paying Nannies fairly but she is being completely deceptive and NOT doing her job which you are paying for. I'd find a new nanny and replace her ASAP. I would seriously question her morals and what else she is capable of doing. Normally I think people on this board over react when they jump and say "fire her!!!". This time I think it's totally within reason and justified. How are you not livid op? She's making a fool out of you.

[Anonymous]

OP- I am a nanny. My opinion is that she should not receive a bonus at all. If that is too harsh for you, then do what you wish as far as reducing it. If I gave her anything in the end it would likely be less than $200. But you need to tell her about your discovery. As much as you do not want to rock the boat, families can make this profession better by calling out the women who lie, cheat, steal and endanger children.

Besides if you don't say anything, how will you be sure she is not continuing to offer care to the other family during the hours she is supposed to be cleaning your home for the next 2 months?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This stuff is unreal to me. OP, are you "educated"?

What do you not understand???

I don't understand how parents leave their children with a person they don't know.

[Anonymous]

PP- You are a fool if you think anyone you hired you really "know". Whether it is in a good way, or a bad way. It is impossible to truly "know" any candidate after countless interviews, visits, trial days etc. The things you don't know could be positive or negative but the fact remains you probably would not "know an employee after anything short of a year with them.
And OP's nanny could have been the sweetest most caring and perfect caregiver, but was opportunistic and may/may not needed money. OP could not have foreseen this. Nor could you, so get your head out of your ass.

[Anonymous]

13:48, I have a question for you, in spite of your colorful language. Do you feel like you "really knew" your husband before you got married?

[Anonymous]

This is OP. She has been our nanny for over five years and we are coming into the final stretch. She has been wonderful, not horrible. This is why we are so upset. I realize she has been opportunistic, but the scenario I have described is part of a bigger picture/longer term relationship.

Also, we have already found our next nanny and she is starting after our current nanny's baby is born, so I have no plans to fire our current nanny for this or change the end game at this point.

Thanks to all for your feedback so far. I am glad to see that for the most part people agree that this is a bad situation. I was worried we were over-reacting.