Not sure how to handle this...
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Anonymous
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I currently work for a VERY religious family. During the interview they let me know that church was very important to them and they wanted to know what church I went to. I told them I was raised catholic but that my husband and I currently don't really go to church. I guess the fact that I was raised catholic was enough for them because they hired me. For the most part the job has been going great and I recently got a raving 3 month performance review. My issue is that since working for them, I am finding myself really questioning what I truly believe and after much thought I would probably say I am Agnostic. Now I know this shouldn't be a big deal, I just don't talk about any kind of religion with the parents and they don't seem to mind that. The problem is, the 5 year old girl I take care of has been asking me a lot of questions about God and I just don't know how to answer them. All she ever wants to listen to in the car is christian radio and she constantly carries around a little bible. She even asked me to come to church with them. What do I say to that? I have been brushing her questions off by telling her to ask her mom and dad. Then, the other day we were doing a dinosaur puzzle and she asked me what happened to the dinosaurs. I told her that scientists don't know for sure but that they think an asteroid hit the earth millions of years ago and that the explosion the asteroid caused made the planet unlivable for the dinosaurs and so they all died. She thought about it for a minute and then she asked if that happened before Adam and Eve. Then she went on to tell me her mom said the dinosaurs were killed by a big flood. I wasn't sure how to reply so I just repeated that we aren't sure what killed them and then changed the subject. Fast forward to today I find out that they are going to home school because they want to be able to control what she is taught. They gave the example that they don't want her learning about evolution because that is not what they believe.
Should I continue working for this family? It has been going very well besides the religion part of it. I just wonder if they would be better off having someone who would be more willing to give their daughter the answers they themselves would give her. I would never try to intentionally tell her something against her parents beliefs but I'm afraid there will be more incidents like the dinosaur puzzle. I am also very strongly against them keeping their daughter out of public schools because they don't want her to learn about the planet's history. Shouldn't every child have the right to learn this and then decide for themselves if they believe it or not? |
Anonymous
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Well, they're her parents. Despite your beliefs, it's not your place to decide what she should and shouldn't do or believe in. Until she's 18, they basically have free reign over which religious institution they'd like to have in the household.
For the tougher questions, I would say basically what you've already been saying "that's a question for mom and dad", and then distract her, lol. For questions you can answer, by all means do. But it sounds like they're not doing great harm to their daughter so try to stay as sensitive and respectful their beliefs and how they choose to integrate religion into their daughter's life. |
Anonymous
| Welcome back, our dear novelist. Haven't heard from you in a while. How's that book of yours coming along? |
Anonymous
I was looking for advice from other nannies who have dealt with similar issues, please don't call me a troll. |
Anonymous
I'm sorry but I had to laugh when I read this. I know that your post is serious but the fastest way to become Agnostic or Atheist is to spend time with overly religious people. In order to stay in this job, you have to respect their beliefs enough to pretend that science doesn't exist. Think about this way...if the 5 year old asked you what sex meant or where do babies come from, you probably would jump into an accurate answer. You would change the subject and leave it for the parents to answer. With this family, you'll need to become an expert at changing the subject and avoiding giving an answer. You can also say "I don't know what the bible says about the dinosaurs." This is true, its just omitting that you actually do the scientific answer. You're not necessarily Agnostic just because you do not accept the historical stories as fact. IMO, fundamentalists confuse philosophical meaning in literature with literal fact. Its a difference in interpretation of the literature not necessarily the core principals of the religion. There are many more progressive Christian churches that focus on the meaning and aren't telling children that dinosaurs were swept away by a flood. Now, I'm Agnostic so I believe that man doesn't know the philosophical or core principals either! |
Anonymous
| meant "would not jump" not would jump |
Anonymous
Thanks for this post and your right, being around them really has made me question my beliefs. I will most likely try to stick the position out for the year because I need a good reference but I will be more careful in choosing my next family. When they said they were very religious I guess I just though they would be like my catholic family members. They go to church but it isn't their whole life. |
Anonymous
| you're* |
Anonymous
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"Little Larla, you ask some wonderful questions about God, and that is fantastic! I think your mom and dad would be great at answering your questions. Why don't we write them down so you can remember them later, and you can talk to mom and dad about them?"
Or, you can flip it back on here. "What do you think happened to the dinosaurs?" then listen to her response. Encourage her to talk to her parents. Although, to be honest, it seems like you can't work for them without judging them. Maybe quitting would be best. It's their child. If they want to home school, they can. If they want to take her to church every single day, they can. If she wants to carry around a little bible, she can. |
Anonymous
| I wouldn't be able to get out of there fast enough, but I can certainly understand not wanting to be unemployed. If they're going to home school, does that mean one parent will be home come the fall anyway? |
Anonymous
| OP here and one parent is already home most of the time, but she really isn't overbearing or anything the kids and I just do our thing and she does her thing. |
Anonymous
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One of my previous families was quite religious and the 3 year old asked me some interesting questions about religion. I would say things like "I don't know the answer to that question, lets ask Dad when he gets home" or "Mummy would be the best person to answer that question, lets ask her later".
I personally am not religious. I draw the line at lying (so I would use the above to answer the dinosaur question) but if I was asked a question about the bible I would answer to the best of my ability. I don't mind reading children style bible stories (ie christmas stories) but would be uncomfortable with bible studying. If you feel like its a huge issue for you, you may be in the wrong job; that this job is not a a good fit. Have you asked the parents what they would like you to say? |
Anonymous
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As a nanny, when my charges mention God or religion, I encourage them to speak to their parents about it.
While I am a Christian, I would NEVER discuss religion at work. |
Anonymous
| You're not the right fit for this family. |
Anonymous
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Yes, you are not a good fit for this family, especially if your charge is constantly carrying around a Bible.
Good luck in your job search! /thread |