In denial about puberty...

[Anonymous]

When I interviewed for my FT nanny position, the topic of puberty came up (we were talking rather generally about parenting philosophy and approaches). I was told that puberty and sex ed could not possibly matter, as the children are so young. I thought this seemed a bit head-in-the-sand, but of course didn't inquire further.

One of my charges is now a 9 year old girl. She has been developing breasts for nearly a year, has got some lady-like curves, and her responses to even mild situations are emotional cliff-dives (a sensation I remember acutely from my own time). This typically means that she has maybe a year, give or take, before she gets her period. I hate the thought that she could get hit with this thing before she ever knows what it is - then has to process her first period AND info about sex and menstruation all at the same time. (I was perfectly prepared, and I [/i]still[i] thought I was dying).

Still, her parents don't think it matters. They grew up in a culture that really doesn't talk about these things, and they are quite religious. They figure that since the children attend a private school, they won't be exposed to these issues. When the girls were joking one time about "a boy and a girl got naked and laid down together," they decided it was innocent joking because they couldn't find any porn on the Netflix history. My feeling is that kids this age aren't nearly so naive.

I know I'm not the parent, so I haven't done anything besides a gentle suggestion or two, such as when she was going in for her 9 year physical. They asked if I knew of any issues to bring up, and I suggested that she's no longer too young to learn about what to expect in the next few years. They didn't have that talk, though. [i]Of course, I wouldn't dream of discussing this with the girl myself. That's not what I'm saying[i]. But how can I handle such a sensitive subject with sensitive parents who don't want to think about this at all? FWIW, I have a hard time capturing undivided, no-child attention to discuss important things, so it's not so simple as a straightforward talk. First I have to wrestle for the attention. What do you think?

[Anonymous]

While I think they are wrong in not talking to her about it, it is definitely their decision. I remember in 5th grade the public school I attended had a class for mothers and daughters that talked about getting your period for the first time. I would have been 10 at the time so maybe her private school will have a similar class. It wasn't a sex ed class, just information on puberty.

[Anonymous]

Do some research on how to talk to kids about their bodies. Check out some books from the library and read them. Get comfortable talking about it yourself and get fully informed. Then schedule a meeting with the parents and advocate for the urgency of this using all the materials you've accumulated and with as much frank language as you can. If they aren't willing to talk to her after that, ask if they'd be comfortable with you taking her to see her pediatrician to get filled in. If they say no, ask what you should do if DD comes to you with questions or concerns. Don't do anything they don't authorize but if you can't make any progress with them consider if this is the right job for you.

[Anonymous]

I didn't have any specific info when I first had my period. I didn't think I was dying, I knew what it was from seeing commercials on tv and just from "culture" in general. I told my mom and she told me to get stuff from my sister to use. It wasn't confusing, it was something that happened and I dealt with it. In school we eventually learned more about sex at a slightly older age, when most parents think it is more appropriate. In reality, I think kids these days learn about things TOO MUCH at an earlier age, and from many different places. Maybe this is a reason to talk to them about it earlier on, but I certainly don't think that kids these days are left out of the loop quite as much as we were while growing up. Kids these days are not naive.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I didn't have any specific info when I first had my period. I didn't think I was dying, I knew what it was from seeing commercials on tv and just from "culture" in general. I told my mom and she told me to get stuff from my sister to use. It wasn't confusing, it was something that happened and I dealt with it. In school we eventually learned more about sex at a slightly older age, when most parents think it is more appropriate. In reality, I think kids these days learn about things TOO MUCH at an earlier age, and from many different places. Maybe this is a reason to talk to them about it earlier on, but I certainly don't think that kids these days are left out of the loop quite as much as we were while growing up. Kids these days are not naive.

I had no idea what was happening when I had my first period at age 12. I wouldn't be comfortable assuming this girl knows what's going on NOR would I be comfortable assuming the information she's received has been accurate. How many girls think if you pee right after sex you can't get pregnant? TOO MANY.

[Anonymous]

Oops, my tampon fell out of my purse. Hey, you know what a tampon is for, right?

And that's how you start the conversation.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I didn't have any specific info when I first had my period. I didn't think I was dying, I knew what it was from seeing commercials on tv and just from "culture" in general. I told my mom and she told me to get stuff from my sister to use. It wasn't confusing, it was something that happened and I dealt with it. In school we eventually learned more about sex at a slightly older age, when most parents think it is more appropriate. In reality, I think kids these days learn about things TOO MUCH at an earlier age, and from many different places. Maybe this is a reason to talk to them about it earlier on, but I certainly don't think that kids these days are left out of the loop quite as much as we were while growing up. Kids these days are not naive.

I had no idea what was happening when I had my first period at age 12. I wouldn't be comfortable assuming this girl knows what's going on NOR would I be comfortable assuming the information she's received has been accurate. How many girls think if you pee right after sex you can't get pregnant? TOO MANY.

Is it your job to talk to her about the birds and the bees? I find it hard to believe that in this day and age a girl doesn't know about having her period. I grew up in a small town, with only a few tv channels, didn't talk to anyone about this sort of thing yet I knew exactly what I was going through when it happened. I knew what it meant. By that time, they have usually brought up the subject at school, but the OP was talking about a 9 yr old so they might not have by that age. I truly think this is a job for the parents to do unless they ask you to do it and you agree that you will.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I didn't have any specific info when I first had my period. I didn't think I was dying, I knew what it was from seeing commercials on tv and just from "culture" in general. I told my mom and she told me to get stuff from my sister to use. It wasn't confusing, it was something that happened and I dealt with it. In school we eventually learned more about sex at a slightly older age, when most parents think it is more appropriate. In reality, I think kids these days learn about things TOO MUCH at an earlier age, and from many different places. Maybe this is a reason to talk to them about it earlier on, but I certainly don't think that kids these days are left out of the loop quite as much as we were while growing up. Kids these days are not naive.

I had no idea what was happening when I had my first period at age 12. I wouldn't be comfortable assuming this girl knows what's going on NOR would I be comfortable assuming the information she's received has been accurate. How many girls think if you pee right after sex you can't get pregnant? TOO MANY.

Is it your job to talk to her about the birds and the bees? I find it hard to believe that in this day and age a girl doesn't know about having her period. I grew up in a small town, with only a few tv channels, didn't talk to anyone about this sort of thing yet I knew exactly what I was going through when it happened. I knew what it meant. By that time, they have usually brought up the subject at school, but the OP was talking about a 9 yr old so they might not have by that age. I truly think this is a job for the parents to do unless they ask you to do it and you agree that you will.

I'm 23:55 and the person who had no idea what was happening. I think you are rude. You can believe whatever you want, but what I said was true (do you really want to hear the details of how I hid it from everyone for four days?) and you can also see I clearly advocated in favor of talking to the parents and not going against their wishes. Bye.

[Anonymous]

OP here.

Thanks for your thoughts, guys.

I'd definitely not go into the birds and bees talk, or even the "our changing bodies" talk, without having real clear instructions on the subject!

I think it pretty much comes down to me needing to calm my personal opinions down. I believe it's truly crazy that a girl is protected from knowing what will be soon happening in her very own body! I sense that my little lady is starting to hear things about life, as children do, but that hardly means that she understands what will be coming. I feel sorry for her. But of course, the only solution is to keep trying to open up a dialogue with mom. One way or another, she will undoubtedly turn out alright.

[Anonymous]

It's likely that the girl's friends are already talking about periods.

[Anonymous]

Tell the girl only what she needs to know should she get her period. Have a few adhesive type pads available, show her basic period hygiene, and tell her it is a normal part of growing up for a girl to have a monthly period. Tell her ahe can discuss it further with her mom that evening.