Advice for quitting nanny job

[Anonymous]

Nanny here. I have been employed by a family since August, and several problems have arised since then. I misewell just list them off

-when first hired, the agreement was that I would be able to take the children on outings. I've asked several times about car seats, and it still hasn't happened. We have been stuck in the house all winter.
-The children love doing crafts, however the parents refuse to pay me for art supplies or give me a stipend. I'm talking, 10 bucks worth of finger paint and googly eyes every once in awhile. Ridiculous!
-they tried to 1099 me. I am NOT self employed, thank you!
-The father goes out of town 2 days a week every week. During this time, the mom lets them do ANYTHING. I come in at 7am and they're eating Oreos. She came home for her lunch break today, and while I was making them lunch, she gave them 2 slices of buttered bread each (2 and 4), and said NOTHING when the 4yr old stuck her finger in the tub of butter, scooped some out, licked her finger, and put it back in the butter. I mean really?
-when the father is here, he's grumpy and has a temper. He will yell at the kids for not receiving all their stars, spank, etc. I do not appreciate that, and I do not want to see that!

So basically I am on the search for a new job, and would like some advice. My contract states I must give 30 days notice to terminate. My plan is to line up a new job, then give my notice. Any advice for the best way to give my notice? These people literally adore me, so I'd like to get a reference out of them if possible. Should I give them written notice when I tell them in person as well?

Also, any suggestions for things to negotiate into my next contract? I want it to be super thorough! Any job switching advice would be greatly appreciated.

[Anonymous]

I think one is always well-served by taking the highest road possible when terminating a position - especially if you've lined up another job and are giving the notice you agreed to give. You want to focus on being courteous, respectful, professional etc... so as to hopefully leave on the best possible terms. Take the high road when citing your reasons for leaving (I found another position that works better for my needs, versus I've been stuck in the house, father is grumpy, mother lets them do ANYTHING...)

Yes, I would give written notice. You want to be clear about your final day, day on which you're giving notice, etc... so you know that you're abiding by the terms of your contract and have been clear with them.

Re your next contract - pick your battles. It is perfectly reasonable to ask for contractual language that specifies that the parents will pay for or reimburse costs for art supplies, food, excursions etc... (assuming within reasonable limits or approved activities). A contract certainly should specify the terms under which a nanny might be transporting a child - that can include everything from a car being provided, to carseats being installed, to mileage being reimbursed, insurance coverage being documented, etc... I wouldn't seek to add things into a contract that get into issues about parental behavior (allowing oreos, fingers in butter, etc...) or mood.

If you do not want to work in a household that has any level of corporal punishment (spanking for instance) that is something you should discuss in an interview. Obviously that would be critical to finding the best fit for you and the family.

My only other piece of advice, which may be totally unnecessary as you would probably speak very differently in an interview than you would in a forum like this, is to be very careful in other interviews about how you talk about your reasons for leaving this position. From the things you cite there are certainly major breaches (in my opinion) regarding things like reimbursement or the provision of car seats, but there is also a lot of judgment/disapproval of parental behavior. Those are very different things to talk about with prospective employers.

As an MB, if I sense that you're leaving the position because you disapprove of the parents that will concern me. I want an ally, not someone who will judge me. (I'm not saying that's how you would always behave - it's just something I might worry about if my only knowledge of you is through one interview.)

And compensation/taxes/etc... are clearly to be spelled out in advance. That should be resolved upon offering/accepting a position - not after the fact.

FWIW, it's very possible this family is well-intentioned and simply clueless about how to manage employment of a nanny (things like 1099s or appropriate reimbursement procedures etc...) and if they really love you as you say maybe they would be willing to work with you on resolving some of those issues. But it also sounds like you actively disapprove of their parenting and that's a different thing all together.

Either way, good luck in finding your next position. I hope it's a smooth and pleasant transition for you and the families.

[Anonymous]

After you "secure" your next job (with a written agreement), you'll know how much notice you want to give your current job. Your new job may need you to begin sooner than 30 days, which would be understandable.

So your current job still owes you money for craft supplies?

[Anonymous]

find a new job, give a week notice.

[Anonymous]

ugh, feel sorry for you. you seem like a nice nanny

[Anonymous]

This post sounds vaguely familiar. Especially the arts and crafts thing.

[Anonymous]

Whether this sounds familiar or not, or you know this nanny or not, STOP destroying her anonymity. This is a forum for advice and discussion, NOT a forum for us to year each other apart. The people who are telling this nanny to grow up need to take their own advice. We are grown women, if you have a problem with someone, tell them directly, don't attack them anonymously on the Internet.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Whether this sounds familiar or not, or you know this nanny or not, STOP destroying her anonymity. This is a forum for advice and discussion, NOT a forum for us to year each other apart. The people who are telling this nanny to grow up need to take their own advice. We are grown women, if you have a problem with someone, tell them directly, don't attack them anonymously on the Internet.

Thank you!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Whether this sounds familiar or not, or you know this nanny or not, STOP destroying her anonymity. This is a forum for advice and discussion, NOT a forum for us to year each other apart. The people who are telling this nanny to grow up need to take their own advice. We are grown women, if you have a problem with someone, tell them directly, don't attack them anonymously on the Internet.

Thank you!

Agree.

[Anonymous]

OP here. And also, to add to this. I'm not going to bash the parents to their face. Believe it or not, I have bills to pay and I need this job until I can find another one. Also, about the Oreos? I'm a health nut. So I know what eating crap like that can do to people/children. I'm simply concerned for their health. If you guys want to shove crap down your charges throats, go ahead. But I will not be a part of feeding children junk food on a daily basis.

[Anonymous]

Although I agree with your first two reasons, I disagree with;
"-The father goes out of town 2 days a week every week. During this time, the mom lets them do ANYTHING. I come in at 7am and they're eating Oreos. She came home for her lunch break today, and while I was making them lunch, she gave them 2 slices of buttered bread each (2 and 4), and said NOTHING when the 4yr old stuck her finger in the tub of butter, scooped some out, licked her finger, and put it back in the butter. I mean really?
-when the father is here, he's grumpy and has a temper. He will yell at the kids for not receiving all their stars, spank, etc. I do not appreciate that, and I do not want to see that! "

They're the parents so they can get away with doing these. Although you may not like it, it's their call.

I do see your frustrations however.. Look for a job first, then give them notice. Don't give them notice then look for a replacement because then you'll get screwed.

[Anonymous]

OP here. 11:24. I get where you are coming from. However I can choose what type of family I want to work for, and I'd prefer to work for a family that teaches their children discipline, respect, and healthy habits.

[Anonymous]

So OP - per your last post, then choose the family the want to work with next time better than you did this time.

Your scorn for the parents is really coming through very strongly and that's a pretty serious problem and not their fault.

[Anonymous]

I took this job last minute because I really needed a job. I've done what I can to make this work, and I should not be harassed by people because this position wasn't a good fit!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I took this job last minute because I really needed a job. I've done what I can to make this work, and I should not be harassed by people because this position wasn't a good fit!

I think it's your defensive and judgmental tone that is the source of your lack of support. You really do sound scornful and it was your choice to take this job last minute. It's one thing to go into a job saying you know it won't be right in the long-term, but you'll make it work until you have other options. It's quite another to go into it and then rail (even anonymously) on the parents for living their lives/raising their children differently than you would. That is an attitude that is VERY harmful to nanny/parent relationships - even when you both agree on most things!