1yr old driving me nuts
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Anonymous
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I'm currently in a nanny share with a 1yr old and 6 month old, i've been with both since they were 2.5months. I am primarily an infant/toddler nanny and this is my third share. I need some advice on how to deal with the 1yr old's obsessive whining that goes on ALL.DAY.LONG. She has always been a whiny child and her behavior is worse with her parents. She wants to be held and entertained in your arms 24/7. She is not content if your holding her sitting or just being walked around. She basically wants me to play with her in my arms, I can't do this nor do I want too. She whines and cries if i feed the other baby, clean up or do anything else that does not involve her being held. This child is perfectly healthy, smart and capable of playing on her own for 5mins. I'm completely at a loss of what to do to curve her behavior. I cannot wear her because she is to heavy, i talk/sing to her when I can't hold her, make sure she has plenty of toys and music to entertain herself and I do a variety of fun activities including outings everyday. She is a completely different child when we are out of the house. She plays independently, listens and is a joy; however, as soon as we get back to her house she becomes this psycho whining child. We are on a great routine and our schedule has been consistent since she was 2 months. So she's not overtired nor has anxiety from any changes in scheduling. I've never dealt with a child like this in my 7yrs as a nanny. Her behavior is becoming unbearable and I'm losing my patiences after working 55 hours a week with her. I am to the point where I want to suggest to her parents they find alternative care but know they can't afford their own nanny and daycare wouldn't work with their schedule. i love her parents and wouldn't leave if I could find a way to make her happy without being held. I do know her behavior is reinforced by her parents because they never put her down but after all these months and working such long days, i thought she might start to understand the difference between them and me.
Anyways, if anyone has any advice on behavior modification please share. |
Anonymous
| You and the parents need to address this together. You can not fix this on your own. |
Anonymous
| I think you're at the point where you don't care for this kid, so look for another position. If she was 3+ years, I might have sympathy, but she is only 1, so I'm not going to put any blame on her for the way you are feeling. |
Anonymous
I've mentioned it to them in a polite round-a-bout way because I don't want to sound like i'm insulting their parenting style but they also seem at a loss to what to do. They also want to teach her to be patient and play nicely without having to be held. We are not ignoring her or leaving her on her own, we just want to be able to sit on the floor building blocks without her climb on us screaming to held standing up. |
Anonymous
If i did not care about her I would have left already and would not be asking for advice on how to make her happy. She is only one, that is why we want to adjust her behavior now so that she doesn't become a whiny 3yr old. i guess i hoping for advice on techniques to keep her calm and happy when i can't give her the attention she wants...i do have another infant to care for. |
Anonymous
| It's not your job to make a child happy. Pleeeease. |
Anonymous
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1 is pretty young for any special techniques, but have you tried gradually increasing the amount of time you step away from her - so play on the floor for 5-10 minutes and then step away with the baby for 30 seconds? When you come back, make a big celebratory deal out of how she is playing all by herself etc. etc. and join her again. Next time, step away for a little longer. If she starts whining remind her (without coming back to her) that she's waiting patiently for you and playing with her XYZ and you'll be right back. My 11 month old charge whines like crazy if I walk away too, but if I continue talking to him he's all right - even if he can't see me.
Good luck! |
Anonymous
Thx for the advice. I do this everday and it fails horribly lol, she crawls after me screaming. Just hearing my voice or seeing me doesn't calm her, she needs to me in my arms. She screams, screams louder, I pick her up and she stops immediately. What's funny is she doesn't do this when we are out. She wants nothing to do with me when we go to museums, parks, playground etc. |
Anonymous
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1 and still crawling? Does she seem to have a desire to walk? Sometimes kids that age whine more because they so desperately want to walk AND they are trying so hard to communicate.
Look into some basic signs (can be found online for free). Milk, eat, hurt, help, more, please. Could change her mood dramatically. |
Anonymous
| Have you read the book Your One Year Old - Fun Loving and Fussy? It's old but incredibly valuable, and definitely talks about this phase of needing to be carried everywhere in the time between crawling and walking. It's not at all uncommon, as annoying as it is, so just keep doing your best to soothe her, teach her patience, etc. and carry her when you can. |
Anonymous
| OP, are you meeting with the parents about this? |
Anonymous
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She hasn't started walking yet? I noticed you said she was perfectly normal so why isn't she walking? Can she walk if with the help of a baby walker to keep her balance? --
The parents and walking might be the issue. Idk. Maybe start teaching her to walk now, so when she does she can move about the room fast, and snoop in higher places, lol, like most babies. I think she's use to the security of someone being by her side, and she could have a little sibling jealousy.. Don't no if it starts that young.. Btw, is she 1 going on 2? or did she just turn one? -- Babies typically start walking about 10-12 months, with a baby walker to keep their balance.. After several months they should be good. |
Anonymous
| Not every 1 year old walks!! |
Anonymous
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I think for a 1 year old it is perfectly normal to want to be held. All the time of course isn't doable, but if you hold her occasionally or sit with her on the floor I think that will help her feel less insecure.
Some babies walk at 9 months, some at 18 months. So I would not expect all 1 year olds to be walking. |
Anonymous
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Op here,
She can pull herself up and walk with a walker or by holding hands (which we do often) but overall has no real interest since she can crawl and be carried everywhere. She knows multiple signs and understands both english and spanish. She has no delays and I take an active role in her development. We play together, read, do art projects etc. No tv, just background music. My degree is in child studies with a focus in early intervention. Although i haven't used it in that field yet, I do know the signs of developmental delays and she has none. I believe its more of a temperament issue and i dunno if its exaggerated because of the parent's no stop holding or she is just extremely high-strung. No matter what, the behavior needs to come down a notch because its affecting the care of the other infant in the share. I will look into the books recommended. |