Seeking job without a reference

[Anonymous]

Two years ago I took my first position as a nanny after 15 years as a sahm. After 22 months with this single parent family, I gave notice and asked MB to think about a date for my last day that would work for her and simply asked her to let me know what date she had picked before she left for a trip one week later. MB became very angry and told me that it would be impossible to know that quickly. In the end, she asked for my house key. I am now without a reference after nearly two years of work. How do I explain the last two years and lack of a reference to prospective employers? MB hired me based on a reference from a family I babysat for while the mother looked for work. They have since moved and I no longer have their contact info.

[Anonymous]

Give her some time to get over her bruised ego and try to resolve things. In the future, try to get regular evaluations, and keep an updated letter of reference for such situations. Unfortunately in this type of work, sometimes it doesn't matter how great you've done your job. There's always a chance your boss will screw you when you leave.

As far as finding a new job, try to play up your experience as a mom. For some parents this is precisely the experience they value.

[Anonymous]

It is not uncommon for it to take months to find a good nanny position. Find a couple of babysitting positions to do while you're looking for a FT nanny position. Hopefully after a month or so of regular babysitting they will be willing to give a reference. These of course are not as valuable as a long term full time reference but they are better than nothing.

Also, I would be honest with prospective employers about the situation. I wouldn't bring it up first (you would be surprised by how many parents don't ask for references before hiring someone!) but if they ask for a reference tell them that everything was going great with your previous position but your MB really resented you leaving them. Also, take advantage of people other than the MB or DB who saw you on a regular basis with your charge. For example, when I left my last position I asked the teacher who taught the class that we attended at the Little Gym for a reference and also my charge's physical therapist who we saw every week. I only asked for their reference as someone who saw how I interacted with the child on a regular basis, I did not ask for them to say they were the parent or anything.

Also, to prevent something like this happening in the future you could always ask for a written review every six months from any future employers. This way, you have a paper trail of positive feedback even if they turn on you in the last second in the event that you decide to leave.

[Anonymous]

Also, to prevent something like this happening in the future you could always ask for a written review every six months from any future employers. This way, you have a paper trail of positive feedback even if they turn on you in the last second in the event that you decide to leave.

While I think this is a good idea, I just want to put out there that a good number of employers would still pass on you. The reality is that someone may be willing to write a form letter or even a mid point recommendation when they are not ready to let someone go but are in fact less than thrilled with their performance. If I interviewed someone and the MB was giving a negative reference or no reference then the previous letters just wouldn't make too much of a difference. Most people wouldn't want to try to wade through the drama and details or who was right to wrong when there are plenty of nannies with positive references.

[Anonymous]

So unfortunate that some parents have no ethics. If see the clues, it's usually best to leave and cut your loses. Of course you feel badly about leaving the children, but you also need to consider your own future.