WTF???!!!

[Anonymous]

Is it normal for an MB just simply invite one of the kids' friends on an activity outing that the nanny is planning to take kids on? So then the nanny is responsible for another child and driving this extra child the 30 minutes it is to the activity (downtown museum)? Um, it just seems very presumptuous and makes me a little angry. Is it out of line for me to say no to this since she didn't even ask and just assumed I'd do it. I do not feel comfortable with this at all due to having the extra liability in MY car. If we got into an accident, then I would be responsible for anything that happened to this child who is not normally in my care. How do I handle this?

[Anonymous]

You're raising three different issues. Is the issue you want to raise with MB that you are uncomfortable driving this extra child in your car due to liability issues? So if she says, "Fine, take my car" you'll be happy to do it? Or is the issue that you don't want to be responsible for your charge's friend for free? In which case if the MB says, "Oh, that boy's mom will pay you your normal hourly rate for him" you'll be happy to do it? Or is the issue that adding that child will put you over the maximum number of children you're comfortable being in charge of in public?

First, figure out what you're angry about before you go expressing that anger.

[Anonymous]

It doesn't much matter what part of this mother's behavior angers you the most. What matters is the fact that you did not plan to provide care for a child you normally do not work with. You should have said "no", and offered to explain to her why, at a future meeting. The woman was clearly out of line.

[NisforNanny]

I think 19:11 raises good points. How old are the kids? I think it's very different to add a 2yo than a 10yo. My charges are relatively older (4, 7, and 9), so we do a lot of drop-off playdates and inviting friends on outings. Unless they have an adult with whom I am friendly, I would not expect a friend of 7's or 9's to bring an additional adult. I'm fine with drop-off playdates with all of 4's friends, but some of her friends I would prefer not to take to a certain places. I think as kids get older, it is increasingly common to do this sort of thing. With my charges, dropoffs are reciprocated, so I know that while I might have four kids for one adventure, I am likely to have another day with only two. I do not expect extra compensation, as I think interacting with peers is part of my charges' social development, which is part of my job. Despite the fact that I am super fun, my charges would probably rather play with a friend at the museum than their nanny. While it would have been polite and appropriate for MB to run the plan by you, assuming the car issue is resolved and the total number of children is reasonable, I think don't think it's an inappropriate plan.

[Anonymous]

OP here. The kids are preschool age and 2nd grade and the friend is 2nd grade also. I don't really mind a friend along, but not asking me first pissed me off. Then I had to bring up the point that my car is too small to fit a THIRD car/booster seat in the back seat or even a third person with the two seats that now occupy it. So I told her if I did this, one of the boys would have go without a seat and ride up front. The thing is, I have had this discussion with her before and she knows I cannot take another seat in my car. So for her to just go and tell me to do this was insane. Even if I had a car that could accommodate another child seat, I REFUSE to be responsible for another kid in MY car. That is just a lawsuit waiting to happen. I don't mind playdates. I have taken them to other's houses and others have come to their house before. So that is not the issue. In fact, it takes the burden off of me to constantly entertain them when they have friends over. But taking another kid that far in my car is not an option regardless. She changed her mind once I reminded her about this. They do not have an extra car for me to drive, so all liability would be on me. If she wants a nanny to have more fitting car, then she'll need to buy a nanny car for times like this.

[Anonymous]

Could the other family take your younger charge while you take the two older kids to the museum? Just a thought.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Could the other family take your younger charge while you take the two older kids to the museum? Just a thought.

I doubt it because the younger child knows about the outing already and would throw an absolute fit if didn't get to go. MB would never ask that of the other mom anyway. I just know enough about her to know this to be true. Sounds like she is now planning on having the friend come over for a playdate on Monday or Tuesday since they don't go back to school til Wednesday. She might be annoyed about my car not being able to accommodate more kids, but she knew this already, so unless she's willing to buy a bigger car for me to use, then this is never going to be an option.

[Anonymous]

MB is a bitch and should not have done this. You are an employee not
Her servant.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You're raising three different issues. Is the issue you want to raise with MB that you are uncomfortable driving this extra child in your car due to liability issues? So if she says, "Fine, take my car" you'll be happy to do it? Or is the issue that you don't want to be responsible for your charge's friend for free? In which case if the MB says, "Oh, that boy's mom will pay you your normal hourly rate for him" you'll be happy to do it? Or is the issue that adding that child will put you over the maximum number of children you're comfortable being in charge of in public?

First, figure out what you're angry about before you go expressing that anger.

If it were me, I would be angry about all of the issues. Obviously the OP was too, or she wouldn't have brought some of them up. It also doesn't matter if it is 3 issues or just 1. Not asking the nanny to have a child that she normally doesn't care for, in her care, is just out of line.

[Anonymous]

NisforNanny wrote:I think 19:11 raises good points. How old are the kids? I think it's very different to add a 2yo than a 10yo. My charges are relatively older (4, 7, and 9), so we do a lot of drop-off playdates and inviting friends on outings. Unless they have an adult with whom I am friendly, I would not expect a friend of 7's or 9's to bring an additional adult. I'm fine with drop-off playdates with all of 4's friends, but some of her friends I would prefer not to take to a certain places. I think as kids get older, it is increasingly common to do this sort of thing. With my charges, dropoffs are reciprocated, so I know that while I might have four kids for one adventure, I am likely to have another day with only two. I do not expect extra compensation, as I think interacting with peers is part of my charges' social development, which is part of my job. Despite the fact that I am super fun, my charges would probably rather play with a friend at the museum than their nanny. While it would have been polite and appropriate for MB to run the plan by you, assuming the car issue is resolved and the total number of children is reasonable, I think don't think it's an inappropriate plan.

I think you were missing the point. It's not that she couldn't care for the extra child, it's that she didn't get asked about it beforehand. When you schedule playdates, you are going into it knowing that there will be an extra kid with you that day, during that time. You will most likely have talked about dropping off or adult staying. But even without that, you know about the extra kid. You have agreed to at least that part of it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Could the other family take your younger charge while you take the two older kids to the museum? Just a thought.

I doubt it because the younger child knows about the outing already and would throw an absolute fit if didn't get to go. MB would never ask that of the other mom anyway. I just know enough about her to know this to be true. Sounds like she is now planning on having the friend come over for a playdate on Monday or Tuesday since they don't go back to school til Wednesday. She might be annoyed about my car not being able to accommodate more kids, but she knew this already, so unless she's willing to buy a bigger car for me to use, then this is never going to be an option.

She's probably getting a deal that benefits her. For example, the kid goes with you so when the weekend comes around, she can pawn her kids off to the other parents. Almost as if they're taking turns only MB has you there so she doesn't have to.

[Anonymous]

She has now decided to send the friend over to the house today for a 4-hour playdate. So I will have an extra kid in my care and no extra pay. I guess this isn't as big of a deal as transporting another child in my own car. Do nannies typically charge extra for having an extra child over for a playdate? If not, then I do not feel I have to engage them all that whole time and that they should be able to entertain themselves. I will be feeding the child lunch, which is fine.

[Anonymous]

She has now decided to send the friend over to the house today for a 4-hour playdate. So I will have an extra kid in my care and no extra pay. I guess this isn't as big of a deal as transporting another child in my own car. Do nannies typically charge extra for having an extra child over for a playdate? If not, then I do not feel I have to engage them all that whole time and that they should be able to entertain themselves. I will be feeding the child lunch, which is fine

Part of being a nanny to kid's old enough to have friends is hosting play dates. The whole idea behind a play date is to let the kids play together so you shouldn't have to come up with stuff to engage them. Heck, I schedule playmates during the weekends so I can get stuff done around the house.

[Anonymous]

I think 19:11 raises good points. How old are the kids? I think it's very different to add a 2yo than a 10yo. My charges are relatively older (4, 7, and 9), so we do a lot of drop-off playdates and inviting friends on outings. Unless they have an adult with whom I am friendly, I would not expect a friend of 7's or 9's to bring an additional adult. I'm fine with drop-off playdates with all of 4's friends, but some of her friends I would prefer not to take to a certain places. I think as kids get older, it is increasingly common to do this sort of thing. With my charges, dropoffs are reciprocated, so I know that while I might have four kids for one adventure, I am likely to have another day with only two. I do not expect extra compensation, as I think interacting with peers is part of my charges' social development, which is part of my job. Despite the fact that I am super fun, my charges would probably rather play with a friend at the museum than their nanny. While it would have been polite and appropriate for MB to run the plan by you, assuming the car issue is resolved and the total number of children is reasonable, I think don't think it's an inappropriate plan.

This is an important point. This is just part of the job, not something you should get more money for, OP. Besides, on playdates, kids engage each other, making your job easier. I can get why you'd be annoyed that MB didn't let you know ahead of time, and the issue of your car, but this extra pay for a playdate is really unreasonable.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

I think 19:11 raises good points. How old are the kids? I think it's very different to add a 2yo than a 10yo. My charges are relatively older (4, 7, and 9), so we do a lot of drop-off playdates and inviting friends on outings. Unless they have an adult with whom I am friendly, I would not expect a friend of 7's or 9's to bring an additional adult. I'm fine with drop-off playdates with all of 4's friends, but some of her friends I would prefer not to take to a certain places. I think as kids get older, it is increasingly common to do this sort of thing. With my charges, dropoffs are reciprocated, so I know that while I might have four kids for one adventure, I am likely to have another day with only two. I do not expect extra compensation, as I think interacting with peers is part of my charges' social development, which is part of my job. Despite the fact that I am super fun, my charges would probably rather play with a friend at the museum than their nanny. While it would have been polite and appropriate for MB to run the plan by you, assuming the car issue is resolved and the total number of children is reasonable, I think don't think it's an inappropriate plan.

This is an important point. This is just part of the job, not something you should get more money for, OP. Besides, on playdates, kids engage each other, making your job easier. I can get why you'd be annoyed that MB didn't let you know ahead of time, and the issue of your car, but this extra pay for a playdate is really unreasonable.

Apparently you didn't read all of my posts. I said I do not mind the occasional playdates, as it can make my job easier, but I wanted to make sure I should not have to entertain them all the whole time if they are here and if so, should I charge extra for that. So I'm not charging extra, so therefore I have told the kids that it is up to them to entertain themselves during this time. The outing in MY car was the original issue and I will never be able to transport an extra kid in my car. So outings in my car with extra kids are out of the question.