Au Pair Arrival - how much time to allocate home from work to acclimate her, etc.

[Anonymous]

We are going to have an Au Pair for the first time and I am wondering how much time you have needed to take off work to get her acclimated, show her around, and do the logistical things with her such as getting a driver's license, etc.

I'm just trying to see what is realistic for planning my leave from work.

Thanks.

[Anonymous]

Most font take any time off. Two days would give you time to get her SSN and help her with the weekday routine.

[Anonymous]

Our au pairs arrive Thursday evening. My husband or I take Friday off, teaching her the routine. Saturday we drive with her, show her where things are that we missed on Friday. Sunday we usually encourage her to meet up with another au pair and do something fun (get those friendships started early!)

Monday she starts work. That said, we make sure she has some time during business hours to get to the bank and DMV.

They need to be in the country for two weeks before they should go to the Social Security office - before that point they don't "show up" in Social Security's computers anyway so nothing can be done. So during week three we make sure she has some time available (without the kids) during the week to get to the Social Security office. (If Social Security has Saturday hours, I wouldn't want to be anywhere near the office due to what would be HUGE lines!)

[Anonymous]

I take the Friday off when she arrives, let her settle in Friday and Saturday morning (usually make a nice dinner and a family breakfast), then plan something fun for Saturday afternoon. Let her watch you with the kids those two days, show her where basic stuff is, maybe take her to Target if she needs to pick anything up. Then Sunday, start the real training. I take off Monday to do the weekday routine with her. Then it sort of depends in what you need her for. If you have her driving, she won't be ready for a week or a few, so you'll have to plan to drive the kids yourself in the beginning. But if you just have her home with the kids, then she should be able to do at least most of the day by Tuesday. I usually try to work at home some that first week so I'm around if she needs me. Best not to coddle her too much in the beginning though - the only way for her to learn is to get in there and get started.

[Anonymous]

Agree in all respects with 10:05. Longtime hm here.

[Anonymous]

It really really depends on the AP. We have had APs who have been ready to go by the Tuesday after the Thursday arrival, and we have had APs, current one included, who needed more than a week - even two - of training in order to be able to handle the job on their own. Last year's AP was a fabulous driver but afraid of navigating the roads in DC metro area, so it took 5 lessons and a lot of practice - nearly two weeks of practice - for her to feel comfortable driving our DCs to school. Current AP is a great driver, no issues there, but had zero confidence about taking care of the children. My job requires a lot of travel for work, and I have found that I absolutely cannot travel anytime in the week after they arrive. This year it was two weeks. But in general, I agree with the PPs that if you can work at home or work a reduced schedule, and if your job doesn't require too complex driving, then you should be able to go back to work on Tuesday after a Thursday arrival for the most part.

[Anonymous]

11:43 again - just wanted to add that I absolutely agree that there is a point at which extra time at home supporting a new AP becomes TOO much time, and they get dependent. This year because AP was so unable to take care of our children on her own in the first couple of weeks, we had my MIL come to stay with us for my first few days of travel, in week three. I would not have been able to leave home without her there, but on the other hand, i do think it delayed AP's sense of herself as totally in charge. She finally got there, but only once she was in a "sink or swim" situation.

[Anonymous]

Thanks for the tips! My husband works from home most days so in terms of finding things at home and questions about the area, we're covered there. I won't worry too much about it then, and just plan to arrange the driver's license and SS stuff sometime after she arrives that works for us all.

[Anonymous]

We plan to do same as last time (2nd time HM here): First two days we do practice driving but otherwise are not doing much active "training." Do something fun as a family together on Day 1 or 2. Day 3 is the first work day - I'll stay home - have her behind the wheel of the car but I'm riding along explaining when/where/etc. Day 4 HD is home, again AP behind the wheel, HD riding along explaining. Day 5 first "real" work day with no host parents and she's driving on her own.

We have a German AP and will get another German AP. Our current AP was a very good driver from the start but did have to get used to driving an automatic. For normal daily driving APs don't need to drive far (just a couple of miles) with no beltway/highway driving.

One question for other experienced HMs: do you go with your AP for the SSN? Or send her on her own? Last year we accompanied but I wonder if she could handle on her own. Also, FWIW, last year opening the bank account without the SSN was a PITA. (Suntrust Bank). Can anyone recommend a bank where this isn't such a hassle? Or do you just wait until AP has the SSN?

[Anonymous]

I've gone with both of my APs to the SS office, the bank, and the MVA (to get her license). I found it is too overwhelming on their own in the first couple of weeks. And pretty much everywhere there have been issues that were likely confidence and language-related that I had to step in to solve. I actually sent my AP to the MVA on her own the first time and ended up having to go back with her because she needed to push back on the guy that she had the right forms (he said she didn't, but she did). Although she's very good at English, she didn't have the confidence or the comfort to insist. Wish I had just gone with her the first time.

[Anonymous]

3rd time host mom here: Regarding banks, we've had good luck with Wachovia (haven't tried since change to Wells Fargo) and Bank of America.

I went with to the Social Security office and bank for our first au pair, our second went on her own to both (too impatient to wait for me). Both of them had excellent English. Our current au pair - who has weak English - asked me to go with her to the bank and went with a friend who arrived the same day to the Social Security office.

We want our au pairs to get bank accounts set up ASAP, so we take them very early, even the first weekend. We transfer money from our accounts to hers to pay her, which works out GREAT for us, and we want to get it set up ASAP. As for Social Security, I like the idea of her and a friend going together if at all possible - a little moral support would be nice, as there can also be pushback at the Social Security office about wrong forms (or arrival dates too close to the date that they're at the office - a friend found out the hard way that if they go to early, the Social Security system has no record of their arrival.)

So I guess it depends on your au pair. If their English is really good, have them try it on their own. If it's shaky, be prepared to go with. In either case, be prepared to go more than once (and maybe accompany them the second time) - either because of pushback, or because a line was too long (hello, DMV!) or because paperwork wasn't quite right.

[Anonymous]

You can't take her to the DMV or SSA until she's been here at least 2 weeks and has received mail. I wouldn't do that her first few days, anyway.

I normally take off Friday and Monday, and spend the weekdays showing her the school/weekday routine, and the weekend around the area. Allow her to test out driving to assess her skills. Have her do "everything" on Monday and just be an observer.

[Anonymous]

I had no problem with Bank of America. They will open without a SSN.

I don't go with them to the SS Office. It's not that hard and both my APs have gone there and the DMV on their own without incident.

Keep in mind, that depending on what country your AP is from, her experience at the DMV might be different. Both my APs were from Germany and they had to go and give the DMV a copy of their visa and German license. It was sent to Richmond and then they got a letter in the mail when it was "verified" and OK for them to get a VA license.

I have heard that APs from Central and South America, as well as other nations have to take the driving and/or written TEST! Prepare your AP.

[Anonymous]

Thanks for the tip re Bank of America.

Which checking account does she open? Will direct weekly stipend deposits be enough to waive the monthly fee? (online it says you need at least one $250 direct deposit per month to avoid the monthly $12 fee - do you know if they will aggregate the weekly stipends for the month?)

I agree that it's preferable to get the bank account taken care of right away if possible . . .

[Anonymous]

RE: Bank of America - I'm 16:53 - I don't remember what the kind of bank account is called, but if she agreed to do all of her transactions online or via ATM (so NEVER use a teller) and to get her statements all online, they waive the fees. I don't remember if it was a student account or not, but I know she didn't have a student ID.

The "get your statements online" part couldn't be done at the bank when the account was set up, she had to follow a link in an email (I think?). I wound up helping her set that part up (she has really weak English), but she was willing to do whatever was necessary to have the fees waived From my perspective, it was easy - all we had to do was click "go paperless" or something similar once she was logged in to her account.