DB is always yelling

[Anonymous]

Ugh. So my DB is always yelling. Losing his temper. It's never more than yelling, but it bugs me. Like this morning when trying to get the older kids out the door to the bus, they weren't moving fast enough, so he was yelling at them, saying he is sick of their shit. The profanity bothers me too. The mother is the complete opposite. She's calm and very patient. But unfortunately she works more hours so I really only see the mom. Now I try to help out as much as I can in the mornings when I get there. Doing breakfast, getting coats/hats and bookbags on, making sure the kids are on track to get out the door. But he gets so frustrated. Like, if one of the kids is saying potty words and I'm trying to talk to them about it, the dad will push hi

[Anonymous]

Sorry cut me off. He will push his way in to "fix" the problem by yelling. I just feel the yelling is unnecessary, and I understand his frustration, but its super awkward to be around all the time. Is there anything I can do? Talk to the mother maybe? Also, anyone else worked for a DB like this? Any advice/insight would be great.

[Anonymous]

Years ago I worked for a family where the db was a yeller. About 6mos into the job I came in one morning to a busted bedroom door, a hole in the wall and 3hysterical children. He never hit mb but the damage had been done. I quit that night when mb got home. I won't be afraid at work.

[Anonymous]

It's common but not acceptable in my book. I think you quitting and saying why (instead of giving an excuse) would be a strong signal to him that it is not acceptable behavior in family and society.

[Anonymous]

Just thinking about this makes me mad. Those poor kids.

[Anonymous]

Op here. I guess I can't justify quitting. I mean, I know he yells, but I love being that positive influence in the kids lives. They love me, I love them, and I want to keep them safe. I make sure I warn them during the day that if they do something bad, daddy will get angry and we don't want him to get angry, so they are starting to understand the consequences of their actions. I feel horrible for them though. I just want to bring them peace.

[Anonymous]

19:00 He is being abusive with all of his yelling. If you and the children have to fear the fact that he yells then that is abuse. No one should ever have to warn the children that they won't like daddy's yelling and obnoxious behavior. It sounds like they are afraid of his behavior and you are as well. Is there any indication that he ever does more than yell? Lord I hope not.

[Anonymous]

No he just yells. The children never mention hitting or spanking, there's no physical or emotional signs of abuse, and the dad is really loving when he's not yelling. Hugs and kisses to all of them before he leaves for work, cuddle time, reads them books and plays with them. It's just the yelling. I'm pretty certain one of them (age4) is showing signs of being on the autism spectrum, but of course I can't mention that to the parents because its just an observation, not a fact and I'm not technically trained as a special needs teacher, I've just babysat and nannied a lot of special needs children. So I think he gets frustrated with her a lot because she acts out in frustration more, and is not as verbal as the others were at her age, and has some more developmental problems.

[Anonymous]

Depending on how much you do or don't do, can you do more to organize the family the night/day before to help get them out the door. Have backpacks restocked with supplies, lunches made, clothing set out for the next day.

Or, when you see him losing it, just calmly acknowledge how frustrating it must be when they are poking and he needs to get them off to school and he needs to get to work. Or, trade rolls if you have the four year old and he has the older kids where he looks after the 4 year old and you get the older ones out the door.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Op here. I guess I can't justify quitting. I mean, I know he yells, but I love being that positive influence in the kids lives. They love me, I love them, and I want to keep them safe. I make sure I warn them during the day that if they do something bad, daddy will get angry and we don't want him to get angry, so they are starting to understand the consequences of their actions. I feel horrible for them though. I just want to bring them peace.

Please don't use his temper tantrums as motivation for them to behave themselves. You're just going to make them think it's their fault when he DOES lose his temper, even when it's completely disproportionate.